04/06/2026
My why.
โ ๏ธ It's long. That's what happens when you ask me deep questions!!
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A friend yesterday asked me, "Why do you do this work?"
I replied, "I just want to help people."
It sounded like a decent answer at the time.
But it bugged me all day.
And at 4.30 this morning (thanx kids!) I remembered.
I want to help people remember.
I spent most of my life disconnected from myself.
I hated what I saw in the mirror.
I hated my too-big emotions, my fears, my frustrations, my mistakes, my past, present and future..
Basically, if it was part of me, I probably didn't like it very much.
So I drank and I smoked like a chimney.
I smoked because I drank and drank so I could smoke more.
Healthy coping mechanisms were never my thing!
I put myself in dangerous situations (I honestly sometimes wonder how Im still alive!)
I worked jobs that drained the life out of me. Long hours on my feet. Forgetting i needed to hydrate, eat, breathe, pause. Never standing up for myself, I let people treat me like s**t because I genuinely thought I was the problem and I didn't have anything to say about it.
Going to bed drunk at 1am and dragging myself out of bed at 6.30am to do it all over again, was the norm.
It wasn't living.
It wasn't even surviving.
It was self-destruction.
Then I met my husband and suddenly life became precious. I stopped all the bad habits, moved countries again and settled down. The noise stopped.
And for the first time, I could hear my body.
Pain, inflammation, exhaustion, anxiety, weight gain, food intolerances, loss of libido, life threatening child birth...
A body that seemed to be collecting symptoms like Pokรฉmon cards (thanx hubby for the metaphore!)
I thought my body was failing me.
But it wasn't.
My body had been keeping me alive the whole bloody time.
Every symptom, every reaction, every ache and pain was trying to tell me something.
Not that I was broken or that I needed fixing but that I needed to listen....and remember.
Remember that my body wasn't the enemy.
Remember that my emotions weren't wrong.
Remember that underneath all the coping, surviving, performing and pretending, there was never actually anything wrong with me.
We are all beautifully complex beings in incredibly sophisticated bodies that are constantly helping us survive, adapt and evolve in this amazing but oh! so fu**ed up world.
I'm still not in love with my body (although very grateful for it now), still holding onto stuff, still learning but I think that's why I do this work....
Because I know what it's like to forget who you are and I know what it's like when someone helps you feel safe enough to remember.
Safe enough to feel the feels.
Safe enough to listen to what your body is trying to say.
Safe, loved and supported for everything that you are.
And one thing is for sure, we all fu***ng deserve it.