Gillian Odering Intuitive Therapist

25/06/2024

Life is full of choices. How we view or think of things is a choice. Your mindset is a choice. To look at things through a positive or negative lens is a choice. Everyday we are faced with choices of varying degrees...some hard, some choices we make without giving them much thought. It’s a gift that can be a blessing for some and open some many doors and possibilities, or a curse for others as they become overwhelmed by the process.
Choice by definition is the act of choosing between two or more possibilities. Because there are options, we can often get stuck in the space of worrying about which option is the ‘best’ one to take. We can find ourselves overthinking all the various scenarios created by the different options.
When we are faced with making an important decision, we need to take action. Gather as much information as possible about the various choices so we can make an informed decision. (This is where mind maps are sometimes useful, to map out a way forward). Break it down but take action! Don’t sit in the space of indecision for too long, as this can lead to paralysis by analysis where we feel so overwhelmed by the information we are unable to make a decision at all.
Ask yourself, Why do you want or have to make the change? What are the advantages and disadvantages? How do you get started?
Make a decision based on the best choice with the information you have gathered at the time and then take a step to move towards that decision. One small step at a time will start moving you forward. A word of warning - don’t get caught in the comparison trap. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ Make a choice that’s right for you. Don’t look back and wonder whether you made the right choice. At that time, in that moment you made the best informed choice for you.
What step will you take today?

25/06/2024

Life is full of choices. How we view or think of things is a choice. Your mindset is a choice. To look at things through a positive or negative lens is a choice. Everyday we are faced with choices of varying degrees...some hard, some choices we make without giving them much thought. It's a gift that can be a blessing for some and open some many doors and possibilities, or a curse for others as they become overwhelmed by the process.
Choice by definition is the act of choosing between two or more possibilities. Because there are options, we can often get stuck in the space of worrying about which option is the 'best' one to take. We can find ourselves overthinking all the various scenarios created by the different options.
When we are faced with making an important decision, we need to take action. Gather as much information as possible about the various choices so we can make an informed decision. (This is where mind maps are sometimes useful, to map out a way forward). Break it down but take action! Don't sit in the space of indecision for too long, as this can lead to paralysis by analysis where we feel so overwhelmed by the information we are unable to make a decision at all.
Ask yourself, Why do you want or have to make the change? What are the advantages and disadvantages? How do you get started?
Make a decision based on the best choice with the information you have gathered at the time and then take a step to move towards that decision. One small step at a time will start moving you forward. A word of warning - don't get caught in the comparison trap. 'Comparison is the thief of joy' Make a choice that's right for you. Don't look back and wonder whether you made the right choice. At that time, in that moment you made the best informed choice for you.
What step will you take today?

22/06/2024

Life can and is a struggle at times. When we are struggling with aspects of life, perception determines whether you gain growth and learning from the situation to enhance your life in the future, or use all tour energy increasing your negative thoughts and feelings and staying ‘stuck’ in the struggle.

Shift Your Thinking - How you think about a problem affects not only how much it upsets you but also how well you resolve it. Make a conscious effort to reframe your thoughts from negative thoughts to more empowering, productive ones.

Firstly ask yourself how realistic your worry is. Often our imaginations can create situations in our minds that may never eventuate. If you find yourself constantly worrying it can be helpful to set aside "worry" time each day.
Whenever a negative thought pops into your mind, tell yourself to wait until the set time to explore it more. Or in that moment you can write it down and use the agreed time to revisit it later.
At the designated time, you may feel less connected to the thought and have a clearer idea of how to resolve it if it needs resolving. Or you could ask yourself - Is it still relevant? Is there anything I can do now to help resolve or minimise it? These are all empowering steps to move you towards feeling more in control.
It is also really important to move your thoughts away from the negative aspects of life and focus on the good aspects. At times it might feel like you need to dig deep to find them, but they will be there. It may be as small as a smile from a stranger.
Focusing on positive aspects of life, shifts our focus and allows us to find more positives in even the smallest of things. View tough times as an opportunity to learn, grow or improve your situation. Maybe during adversity you've seen how supportive your friends are or learned how strong you can be.

I promise you, you are stronger than you think or give yourself credit for. 🤗

03/08/2022

I'm seeing a lot of people at the moment that are struggling with the want to change different aspects of their lives while struggling with the fear of making the necessary steps to move forward.
So let's look at comfort zones. When we are in our comfort zone, activities are familiar. We recognise patterns and feel comfortable and confident in our performance. However, If we stay too long in our comfort zone, we can become complacent and find little motivation or desire to change. Some people think that they thrive in their comfort zone. The positive effect of staying in our comfort zone is that we feel comfortable, safe. It is the place where we can gather our strength, recover and “fill our cup”. The negative effect is that we can become bored by doing or thinking the same things. We can feel trapped if we would like to change something but don’t know how.
So how do we start? We define a goal and look at the steps needed to achieve that goal. Our next steps, each need to stretch us but not be so large that they send us into a space of panic and overwhelm.
The Stretch Zone. When we are in our stretch zone we push ourselves, or challenge ourselves with something relatively new or unknown. In our stretch zone we don’t feel overwhelmed, but excited, energised and motivated. Usually we take the decision ourselves to stretch ourselves in order to stay in this zone during a challenge. If someone else asks us to stretch ourselves and we are not ready or even afraid to do so, we can easily slip into the panic zone instead.
The Panic Zone. When we are in the panic zone we are scared, distressed, overwhelmed. We are in constant alert mode, sleep poorly or not at all. We have the typical fight or flight reaction. We are so uncomfortable and overwhelmed that we can not make any progress. We all have our very own comfort, stretch and panic zones, in different domains of life. These zones vary from person to person, and from situation to situation.

What makes it so difficult to find out what would make us panic, what we are comfortable with and where we start stretching ourselves is that we sometimes don’t know our boundaries, or our own limits. We are naturally wired to grow, to learn. But in order to do so we also need to know how to deal with failure. Knowing that failure and mistakes are necessary to learn, and to stretch ourselves is essential.
We can’t however constantly stretch ourselves either, because we need to get back into our comfort zone in order to find the right balance and gather the energy for the next stretch. If we don't allow ourselves to rest from time to time, and are constantly stretching ourselves up to the limit between stretch and panic zone, we would quickly feel exhausted and burn out.The more we stretch ourselves, the more we feel comfortable with situations that were challenging before because in doing so we gain more confidence and competence.
So ... How will you stretch yourself today?

04/05/2022

For those that are feeling ‘stuck’. Let go to move forward 🤗.

Forgiving does not mean the same as Forgetting.

Forgiveness isn’t about balancing the scales of justice; it is about setting yourself free from the role of victim and taking charge of how you want to be treated in the future. This doesn't mean you have to forget what occurred, in fact remembering the experience enables you to navigate through life whilst using the experience to guide you differently next time.

Take charge of how you want to be treated into the future and let go of the past, so that it doesn't weigh you down and hold you back from being all that you can be.

While we are on the topic of forgiveness, a lot of us need to start with ourselves. How often do we blame ourselves for ‘wrong’ decisions, or ‘bad’ choices? And how often do we forgive ourselves?

We all make the best decisions with the knowledge and information we have at the time - hindsight is a wonderful thing. We are all doing the best we can with what we know, and we don’t know what we don’t know.

Look at the experience, learn from it, release it, and move on.

Are there things that you need to forgive yourself or others for so that you can move forward without the weight of the past weighing you down?

27/02/2022

If you feel you are getting bogged down by what is happening around you, bring your focus back to what you can control. This pandemic version of the control wheel by Rebekah Ballagh is a perfect reminder of some of the things we can do to help us feel more in control of our lives. 🌼

25/02/2022

Throughout our lifetimes and those before us, we have lived alongside varying scientific theories that help us to gain a greater understanding of what is happening around us, and to us.

Science is a process of learning and discovery. Science is not the truth. It is the search for the truth. Why is the truth important? Because whether it is good, bad or ugly it gives us a starting point. Something to build from that we can use to make informed decisions which helps us to gain a sense of certainty or stability. Stability creates a sense of safety. One of our fundamental needs in live is to feel safe. To thrive and function we need to feel safe.

Science is a method of truth-telling about the physical world and a tool to find ways to improve our quality of life. It has led to improved healthcare, a more sustainable environment, a safer world, and a better 'knowing and understanding' about the world we live in.

The thing with science though, is that the findings are ever changing as more data and observations come to light, some findings are flawed, subject to bias and interpretation, and even experimental uncertainty. Some observations can be flat out wrong and will later be corrected or updated in the future when they adapt theories to align with new facts or information.

The search for tangible and quantifiable answers has been put under the microscope even more so over the last couple of years as we scramble for guidelines and explanations that will ensure our safety. As a result, we have been bombarded with theories, ‘facts’, data and plans of how we need to create a more ‘certain’ outcome in an environment of uncertainty. All without having all the facts and information needed to do so. The experts have been making decisions on the fly. Trying to get ahead of something that is running faster than they can catch.

So how do we gain a sense of safety and security without definitive answers. We need to make decisions with the information we have available at the time and when we have more information make our next decision from there. Reassess and readjust as needed. Science is an aid to help us make informed decisions, it is ONE component. To ensure you are making the right decisions for you the other components need to be based on your own beliefs and ethics and what is right for you. That is why it is ok for us all to have the same information and make different decisions. We all need to do what is right for us while respecting each other’s need to do the same for themselves in order to feel safe and respected.

Use science as a measuring stick, a component in a formulae. Use morals, kindness and compassion alongside science to make informed decisions that are right for you at this moment in time, and respect everyone’s right to do the same.

22/02/2022

I’ve talked to you before about the Ripple or Butterfly Effect - where small things make a big difference.

Happiness can be created in the same way. If you take small opportunities throughout your day to participate in micro moments that make you happy, by the end of the day they add up. Over time those micro moments become bigger and join together. You will automatically find happiness where you may have missed it before. You appreciate the smallest of accomplishments and the joy of simply living. Over time those moments join together to become hours, hours become days and days become your new default way of living. Before you know it you will realise you can easily find happiness and fulfilment in everyday life and you are living a happy and fulfilled life full of joy.

Rather than being drawn into the incessant negative dialogue, the bickering, constant updates and never ending rhetoric shift your focus in the other direction. Notice all the things you are missing while you are looking elsewhere. All the things we have to be grateful for that bring us happiness and joy now.

What do micro moments look like? A bee pollenating a flower. A cup of coffee that is just the right temperature and strength. The air that smells of summer. The cool airflow of a fan on your face. The flow of a warm shower on your skin. The sound of birds singing. The smile of a stranger. The sound of a loved one’s voice. Moments of happiness are everywhere just waiting for you to notice them.

Create a life of happiness with moments of joy and watch how it ripples into every area of your life. Give it a try today, you’ll be happy you did.

20/02/2022

You are a good person - living, learning and growing.

This is a reminder that we all doing our best. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we don’t.

We’ve all had times when we have said things that we regret. We’ve all done things we are not proud of or wish we hadn’t. We’ve all made decisions that didn’t work out as we expected. That doesn’t make us a bad person. It makes us human. To be the best we can be we need to reflect and learn from these times.

Regardless of what you might tell yourself - It’s never too late to apologise, or to take ownership or responsibility for your past actions. This shows humility and takes strength. It is a space that allows us to move on and to grow.

Revisiting experiences in order to do our best in the future, is a space of empowerment that is essential to growth. Ruminating and staying in this space, reliving it over and over again is a space of disempowerment that keeps us stuck there and hinders our growth. It creates self-criticism and distain. - Reflect, adjust and move on.

The gift of hindsight is a gift for future growth not for past self-loathing and criticism. When we need to make a decision, we make decisions with the information available to us at that time. As time goes on, we gather more information that may have swayed our initial decision. This is the luxury of hindsight that we didn’t have at the time. Beating yourself up won’t change what has gone before. Here's the change you need to make to create positive change - instead of beating yourself up, choose to build yourself up. Look for the learning so you can implement that knowledge and understanding next time.

We are all trying our best, regardless of what we might tell ourselves later. When we know better we can do better. If we want to make changes, we need to change what we are doing. Don’t stop trying. In the trying we become better people. If you are trying to do your best, you are a good person.

Live – Reflect – Learn – Implement – Grow (Repeat). This is the cycle of life.
This is what makes us human and ensures we are the best person we can be.

18/02/2022

Our ‘team of 5 million’ is more divided now than ever. Where we were once a melting pot of diversity, linked by a common sense of wellbeing for all, we have now been corralled into one pen or another. No longer able to sit on the fence and remain neutral, our decisions have divided and driven us apart. Each with a growing intolerance for the dialogue of either side. For the tolerance diversity requires.
As conflict and disharmony grows, we need to come back to the fundamentals that draw people together and foster unity.To understand, we must listen. In order to listen, we need to have dialogue and discussions that are open to, and that look for strengths in opposing points of view.Respect is gained when we advocate for what we are FOR rather than what we are AGAINST. It takes ownership of our own decisions, rather than apportioning blame to others for choices they or we have made. Open and respectful dialogue allows others to learn perspectives different from our own views and beliefs. Unity comes when we seek or look for common areas of agreement while allowing others to have differing views. We all have a right to respectfully advocate for what we believe in. To live a fulfilled life we need to make decisions that align with our values and morals. Open and respectful dialogue doesn’t weaken either parties own convictions, but rather looks for common ground which then serves to increase the likelihood of constructive dialogue and reduce conflict and division.
As responsible and valued members of society we need to respect that we are all individuals with a right to make choices that honour our own value systems. If we are parents it is even more imperative that we model respect for people as individuals.Children watch us.They learn from us.
Everyone has the right to make choices for themselves. Let’s come back to what I’m sure we all want; to be safe, to be loved, to be included and to be heard.
Respect goes both ways and it is earned not given. Respect each other’s right to choose and come back to understanding at the end of the day we all just want the same things, - to feel safe to live our lives the way we want to as unique individuals together as ONE.