Kirsty Fernandes - Honouring Māmā

09/08/2026

I wrote a poem
Of sorts
About motherhood
I think?
It got interrupted 474758484 times
And still ended up being 4.5 pages long

Here's the start... PM me if you'd like the rest 🥰

Do you ever find yourself craving the silence?

I’m not talking about the silence of the outside world
I don’t see that either
Even if I stay up past when slumber has met my loved ones
The dark is still punctured with roaring snores and deep breaths
With shuffling sheets and dreamy mutters

I stood in the shower today
And my mind journeyed
To my family
Then to my husband’s family
Then to the birthday party we were hosting today
To my son’s sweetly new 7 year old face
To our neighbours and I’ve got a client early Monday
Did we get the towels out of the dryer?
We need to wash the sheets tomorrow
Ugh I still haven’t ordered that supplement
Should I before my bloodtest? Or see how I am without it?

We’re out of toothpaste
I keep forgetting to write it down
I delegate it to my husband
He’s probably noticed too
He asks me where the list is
On the fridge I say

There’s a knock at the door
Someone wants some leftover birthday cake
I’ve pre-sliced and plated it of course
There’s a small check-in chat
What movie did you see?
How are you?
Enjoy the cake

Back to my thoughts
Mum, can you help me with this lego?
Sorry, I know you’re busy
I’m just trying to write a poem Bud
I know, I’m sorry
*pauses to put together lego*
There you go
Thanks Mum!

So back to this silence

Sorry Mum, can you do this bit too?
*puts together motorbike wheels*

So this elusive silence…
Do you long for it?
Do you long for your mind to hang in nothingness?
No bathing in the past
No never-ending to do list
No worries about the future

Toothpaste - did he put that on the list?
Better check
He did
In pencil, so I couldn’t see it at first

Just a silence in the mind
A stillness
A blankness
The luxury of space
Vast, empty, neutral space

I want to bathe in it
Float on my back and gaze at the stars in it
Feel it sink into my pores
Let my sight blur
My ears close over
My tongue fall back from the back of my teeth
My lips gently open
My fingers hang
My feet docile
My body lay upon it like a cloud

*PM me if this resonates and you'd like to hear the rest*

05/08/2026

It's great this info is hitting the mainstream media and also frustrating - we have been saying this for YEARS! Look after whānau first and the impacts benefit everyone - Mum, Dad, baby, workplaces, communities, the wider world... It's common sense. When will our Government realise this and flip where the support lies and invest in nurturing the early stages of family life?!

A new report estimates the cost of mental distress among new parents carries a long-term social cost of more than $2 billion a year.

03/08/2026

In Aware Parenting, we trust that our children are innately wise. When they feel safe and held, they know how to heal - releasing the stress and tension they carry through tears, raging, laughter, shaking, sweating... Our job isn't to fix it or stop it. It's to listen. To think less, and listen more.

And I keep being reminded that this same innate wisdom lives in us too.

I've just had an absolutely mammoth week. Messy, emotional, chaotic. An excessive amount of responsibility, and many parenting and partnership blunders – the perfect storm. You know how that happens sometimes?

The mental and emotional load became too much for my body to hold. On Thursday I ended up floored on the couch, near vomiting from the worst headache I'd ever had, while parenting alone. I had to lie down from the middle of the afternoon until late evening, kids in front of the TV.

Over the last few years, my body has started talking to me really loudly. Or should I say, I am finally noticing how it always has...

A sore foot when I need to put a boundary in place. A persistent cough when I'm suppressing my truth. A headache when I need to slow down and rest.

Just like our children, my body whispers long before it screams. And when I don't listen to the whispers, it finds louder ways to be heard.

Do you notice the signs your body is giving you? How is it asking you to meet your needs? How it can manifest as dis-ease and illness when we ignore it? Our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health is all interwoven and interconnected.

What is your body whispering (or screaming) at you? How can you tune in rather than resist? How can you honour what it's telling you?

The same deep listening we offer our children, we can offer ourselves.

If this resonates, I'd love to chat with you to see if I can support you before the whispers get louder -
Website: https://www.honouringmama.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kirstyfernandeshonouringmama/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KirstyFernandesHonouringMama

13/07/2026

This week is Birth Trauma Awareness Week here in Aotearoa 💛

It’s a quiet invitation to pause and reflect on something we don't often make room to talk about.

Birth trauma is any physical or emotional injury connected to pregnancy, birth, or those tender early postpartum days and it touches around 50 māmā and birthing parents a day here in Aotearoa.

It can follow an unexpected turn of events, an emergency, a moment of feeling unheard or scared and sometimes it lives quietly inside a birth that looked, from the outside, like everything went “to plan”. There’s no one thing that makes anything traumatic – it’s deeply personal. It’s about how something lands for us in our minds, our hearts and our bodies afterwards and is often closely tied to how we were or weren’t supported after the event as well.
If your birth sits heavy in your heart or your body, you’re not alone. Your story matters. Your feelings are valid. And healing - in your own time, in your own way - is possible.

If any of this stirs something in you please feel free to DM me. Kōrero is so often where healing begins.
With aroha for every māmā, birthing parent and whānau navigating this quietly 💛

Trauma Aotearoa — ngā mihi nui for the mahi you do, holding this space for our motu.






maternalmentalhealth
healingbirthtrauma
birthtraumarecovery

13/07/2026

I took my kids and one of their friends to the beach. At one point they moved so far down the beach away from me they were small little figures in my eyes. I saw what looked like the friend welding a big stick above their head, and my son then grabbing it too. From afar, they both looked like they were fighting over it, swaying back and forth. I grabbed our stuff and started heading down the beach, taking a breath and emotionally prepping for mediation.... until my daughter turned around and yelled, "we found a swing!" And I realised the boys were working together to get the 'stick' (which was hanging from a rope) to a point where one of them could hop on.

It reminded me of the power of the pause - of curiosity before assumption, of openness before judgment. And sometimes, the power of keeping our mouths shut 😅

12/07/2026

11/07/2026

06/07/2026

I just turned 40 and it felt like an important time to be very intentional about how I would celebrate.

I think I’ve gone into every other birthday thinking about what’s expected of me and how I ‘should’ celebrate. I don’t know if it’s the inward state of Winter and Winter Solstice, perimenopause, the reality of turning 40 or just stepping into myself more and more, but my capacity and tolerance is reduced. I have things I really don’t feel willing for any more (like giving more than I can, like ignoring my inner voice that’s telling me to stop/say no/not do that thing, like feeling like it’s my responsibility to do and be all the things). My energy is sacred. My capacity is limited. I have to choose wisely where and with who, I spend it.

So this time - I answered some reflective questions about my birthday and I shared the answers with my husband. What came out of it was a wonderful few weeks of all the things that I truly desired - nourishing company, ceremony and ritual, gifts that spoke to my soul, delicious food, connection and time to reflect. It has been the best birthday ever. 

When you’ve been conditioned to please, not be an inconvenience and suppress your boundaries and needs - asking for what you want/need is a radical act. And can be deeply uncomfortable. It’s a muscle to keep flexing. And it’s likely to be clunky to begin with. There’s also likely to be backlash initially - people that relied on your yeses and feel confronted or disenfranchised about your noes will not enjoy it. That’s a sign you’re in the right place. You’re taking some choice, power and autonomy back - in the best of ways. Keep going. Your life is yours to claim. 

Boundaries, needs and desires is something that I come back to again and again in my support of parents and often surfaces in our births too. If this resonates, feel free to book in a free 15 minute chat to see if we’re a match and I can support you to move with more ease and flow and get more of what you want, happening in your life. 

Website: www.honouringmama.com

06/07/2026

I just turned 40 and it felt like an important time to be very intentional about how I would celebrate.

I think I’ve gone into every other birthday thinking about what’s expected of me and how I ‘should’ celebrate. I don’t know if it’s the inward state of Winter and Winter Solstice, perimenopause, the reality of turning 40 or just stepping into myself more and more, but my capacity and tolerance is reduced. I have things I really don’t feel willing for any more (like giving more than I can, like ignoring my inner voice that’s telling me to stop/say no/not do that thing, like feeling like it’s my responsibility to do and be all the things). My energy is sacred. My capacity is limited. I have to choose wisely where and with who, I spend it.

So this time - I answered some reflective questions about my birthday and I shared the answers with my husband. What came out of it was a wonderful few weeks of all the things that I truly desired - nourishing company, ceremony and ritual, gifts that spoke to my soul, delicious food, connection and time to reflect. It has been the best birthday ever.

When you’ve been conditioned to please, not be an inconvenience and suppress your boundaries and needs - asking for what you want/need is a radical act. And can be deeply uncomfortable. It’s a muscle to keep flexing. And it’s likely to be clunky to begin with. There’s also likely to be backlash initially - people that relied on your yeses and feel confronted or disenfranchised about your noes will not enjoy it. That’s a sign you’re in the right place. You’re taking some choice, power and autonomy back - in the best of ways. Keep going. Your life is yours to claim.

Boundaries, needs and desires is something that I come back to again and again in my support of parents and often surfaces in our births too. If this resonates, feel free to book in a free 15 minute chat to see if we’re a match and I can support you to move with more ease and flow and get more of what you want, happening in your life.

Website: https://www.honouringmama.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kirstyfernandeshonouringmama/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KirstyFernandesHonouringMama

Thank you so much for being part of this community. I appreciate you!

Sending you so much love and compassion and honouring all that you’re doing always,

Arohanui,

Kirsty