Red Oak Counselling and Supervision

29/03/2026

With Easter and change in weather and daylight savings this weekend (New Zealand)

12/03/2026

And why I hope people reach out to people and not always rely on technology for their mental health support

11/03/2026

Greetings to everyone.

As we in the southern hemisphere move into autumn, we find the daylight becoming less abundant and the cooler nights begin to encroach into our warm bodies.

It’s funny how we adapt to changes in our life. One day we can be happily trundling along without a care in the world, and the next, we are turned upside down by something completely out of our control. Yet we seem to have the innate ability to overcome distress, given the time to do so.

Seasons change and we adapt to live to the conditions. I have heard it said that the Nordic population don’t complain about the weather, they say there is no bad weather, just inappropriate clothing. And so it seems to be in life. We feel that we are prepared for anything the universe throws at us and adjust depending on our circumstances and based on our previous experience of similar challenges.

This change in the weather and upcoming thoughts about the winter months are the foundation of my musing today.

I recently had a client who was experiencing some significant anxiety. This was related to a family member who had only a short while to live. My client felt that once the person had passed, that there was nothing left for them to look ahead to. Hence the increase in anxiety that related to considering their own mortality.

What if there is nothing after we die? What if I can’t see my family again? I don’t want t pass into nothingness. All of these types of thoughts are common when we are about to lose a loved one, no matter if human or animal we are close to.

As I have mentioned previously, I sometimes have impressions that come to me that bring up metaphors that may relate to the commentary of the client and I use this to help them understand what may be going on for them in that moment.

For this particular client, they reported that the loved one had passed and the distress this was causing them. Acknowledging their distress was the first port of call. Recognising and empathising how they were feeling in that moment was paramount for me to help them.

From there, I envisaged life is like floating down a river. Mostly gentle flow and serene as we drift along. Sometimes watching the beauty pass by, finding small inlets to explore, feeling the gentleness of a shower without feeling we have to cover ourselves. Yes, occasionally there are times when the river narrows and the flow moves more quickly as we pass the rocks and unevenness of life challenges, such as new jobs, relocation and new family members, or even feeling horrible when our football team loses a game. All of these pass as we glide further through our life.

Then we hear it, something that begins to unnerve us. In life, this may be in upcoming passing of a loved one, an accident that we can see approaching but unable to avoid. It is times like this that I sense is like a waterfall that we approach and can’t avoid. From the serenity of a river drift of life, to impending doom and bracing ourselves for the inevitable. And over we go! Falling through the rushing water not knowing when, or if we will reach the bottom. It feels as if we have reached our end, anxiety builds, reflections of what we have done with our life up to that moment as we come crashing down into the turbulence of emotional responses of the hardness we experience in troubling times.

And yet, we suddenly arrive in the torrid waters at the base of the falls, where, after a short while, we see the calmness of the river as the water takes us further down our life journey and more peaceful surroundings of the next part of our journey.

The turbulence of the trauma of the waterfall is left behind in a physical sense but we still know what the experience was and remember how we felt.

Life is scattered with rapids, rocks and waterfalls through our life journey until we reach its eventual estuary and join the everlasting sea. We navigate the best way we can and make the best of the direction we are sent.

So while we sail down through our river of life, try to notice all the experiences we are passing by. Enhance each moment and know that over every waterfall we encounter, the river continues to flow beyond it and further towards our ultimate destination..

Until we meet again

Ka Kite Ano

20/02/2026

Darkness all around me, carrying a heavy load. When will somebody find me, along this lonely road?

mmmm, these sound like song lyrics and maybe a song inspired them and I apologise in advance if they are from another person, no plagerism intended.

The reason for me sharing those words are to acknowledge that our life journeys are full of unknowns. Challenging decisions, horrible outcomes and grief laden experiences pepper our existance at every stage. And yet, most of us generally seem to get through these dark times. Sadly some do not.

Those that 'disappear' are never really gone, as those left behind hold them close and in memories of good times, images on phones and in albums, remembering through music, video and trinkets that that sit on matlepieces or shelves to remind us of those we hold as precious.

But what was missing for those that are unable to divert from the long dark road of dispair? Knowledge? Insight? Desire? Who knows, but whatever the reason, they weren't able to find a way to the light.

I have been recovering from hand surgery over the last few weeks so unable to do many things I took for granted such as washing dishes, mowing lawns and general household chores as well as being unable to drive until my hand had recovered enough for me to hold the steering wheel. During this recuperation, I have had time to reflect but also doing some binge watching of TV shows.

So what's wrong with that you may ask. My response, nothing! As I was stuck! So I ended up watching a TV show called 'Fringe'. for those who don't know, this is science fiction, but some of the premise is based on science on the extreme.

During one episode last week, there was a line of dialogue which said, we have to "find the crack". In the show, this meant a crack or the opening between two different universes- similar but different because of choices made causing divergence.

This comment got me wondering about our own choices and how we can expose the crack to find our way back onto a path in life that leads us to a fulfilling existance.

Those who find that opening when travelling a dark road, can find the start of a journey that is rewarding and mainly enjoyable. Yes, there will still be challenging times, though knowing that what is achieved once, can be achieved again and again.

So, if you feel you are on that unlit, dark road and finding it difficult to see the route ahead, perhaps allow yourself to find your crack first then push it open with all the energy you have.

In darkness, light shines through the crack!

02/02/2026

WOW! Soo hot right now and little chance to cool down even in the nighttime.

Finally summer has arrived with all its might and leaving us little choice but to ‘weather the summer heat storm’ - Pun intended!

It got me thinking about how we keep cool when the heat is on. Swim in shark populated waters, cold showers on the waterfront, cool spas in the evening or laid bare in the full turbines of air conditioners and fans.

However we find ways to shed the heat, sometimes we find ourselves unable to do so because the heat is too much and with no resources to help us lower the temperature, we find tempers fray and mental health heat soars inside along with the heat all around us.

Lowering mental heat is not an easy thing to accomplish, partially because we seldom realise it is rising until we can’t manage it any longer and can’t find the path to something to help us cool down.
I have likened this to heating a thermometer. 100º = boiling point and if the heat is left on, then the thermometer is likely to burst, much like when we are unable to manage daily stressors.

I described this to groups to help them understand that once the temperature hit 80º it is very difficult to avoid the pop.
Therefore the heat needs to be turned down to be able to feel more in control of how we manage the triggers that can overwhelm us.

Easy to say, I hear your comment, less easy to achieve in the moment. True I respond, hence monitoring how we approach each day, each person, each incident can help the process. However, this means being ‘in the moment’.

A couple of years ago I visited Thailand for a few weeks and on my return, I noticed I was strolling around like I hadn’t a care in the world. Slowly walking the street to work, easy driving rather rushing around and trying not to get too involved with external pressures that may have previously impacted my well-being.

On reflection, I noticed it was the heat of an equatorial country that forced me to slow down and look, along with experiencing a Buddhist meditation retreat. The lesson was there, slow down your processes, look at what you can do to notice the things that impact you and address them at the earliest opportunity. Turn down the heat and allow your mental health to cool as soon as you can, whether that be stand up to those who impact you, walk away from the external stressors or do something to help yourself get grounded and cool down to enable clearer thought about what you want your life to look like.

While we swelter in the current heat, remember our bodies can adapt by utilising external sources to settle (air conditioners), internal development to notice the rising temperature (Drink often) or do things that fit with who you believe the real you is. (change the mindset and focus).

In doing so, the thermometer may seem to be showing the heat rise, but by noticing the increase in temperature, we can start early and lower the heat.

Enjoy the summer, what’s left of it and do what you can to stay cool.
Time to go and buy ice cream

30/01/2026

Well, what a 2 years it's been. political upheaval around the world, lots of invention, financial imbalance everywhere. How we manage through adversity becomes more and more important.

My own situations have been troubling. Having to deal with sinus issues for 12 years before finally having surgery last October to help address an apparent alergy, then this week having hand surgery for 'Viking disease' all impact my focus and how to manage mental well-being.

I got to wondering how we manage how we as individuals maintain thier mental strength. I have personally found that focussing on the present moment works best.

We can all get drawn into drifting into the past or future, you know, what if I can't get over this issue or why did I choose that direction?

I have been helping clients recently understand that the past and future don't actually exist. The past has gone and can't be changed so can lead to depressive thinking - such as, I lost something I love and want it back or to go back there. None of this is possible. The furture however is the opposite end of this continuum - can be influenced but not actually guaranteed to occur. This then leads to anxiety and panic. In this situation, FEAR (Future Events Appearing Real) is driven by our minds creating scenarios that don't actually exist.

We need to be in the present! Focus on what we experience when we are in the moment. Do what we can and have control of right now. Not always easy to do when we are triggered, but if we practice grounding skills when we don't need them, it is easier to use them when we do.

So here's the challenge. What in your life do you know to can control and how can you use that knowledge to help you in times of stress?

I hope everyone can look at the rest of the year with optimism and find the meaning in your life at achieve anything you desire.

I will be back soon to share more insights.

Until then

ka Kite Ano

29/04/2025

Always remember, you are not alone!

https://www.facebook.com/100071975677283/videos/1389235149067104/

29/04/2025

Never lose focus on what you want to achieve and you will find a way

07/04/2025

No need to scream, it's OK to whisper

Quote is from .miii

05/04/2025

Give yourself a pause. Notice all around and reach out when you can't find that inner peace

19/03/2025

HI everyone, my apologies for the lengthy delay in posting. I intend to remedy this from here on out with regular posts or links to help people become the best they can be.

To this end, as you know, I am studying to add hypnotherapy to my range of tools I can use to help those clients wanting to make changes in their lives, whatever these may be for them. Anxiety, trauma, motivation, other difficulties they may have. All manner of emotions that impact our lives can be supported if just the right method is used.

Not all methods will work with all clients. For example, someone who like to learn working hands on or physically, will unlikely connect with a direct CBT (cognitive behaviour) approach. While someone who has a strong leaning to reading may struggle to engage easily with a more visual intervention such as Hypnosis.
However, understanding the purpose of the interaction and the way a client responds to certain ways of engaging is hugely important.

I am regularly asked when meeting people, “what is it you do?” I have given thought to this more recently and my answer boils down to this. “I help people achieve their desired goals by using a range of strategies to identify what is most meaningful to them and assist them to find the path that best fits with the person they are and want to be in the future”.

This may sound ‘airy fairy’ but in essence I am stating that I don’t ‘fix’ people, they have that ability within them all the time, it’s just that they feel they have lost this ability and I am there to help them find that which has been covered and bring it back to the surface by whichever method works for the client.

Let’s take my current focus of learning – Hypnotherapy.
Many people avoid the term hypnosis as they think I and other hypnotherapists are likely to “do the woo woo’s” on them and make them cluck like chickens as demonstrated by the stage hypnotists. Nothing is further from the truth. In reality, the stage hypnotists had identified their stage ‘client’ long before the person reaches the stage and gauged the level of suggestion to enable the process to happen very quickly. Remember, no hypnotic suggestion can be achieved without the consent of the person being hypnotised and they can ‘wake up’ at any point if they so wished.
So then, what is Hypnotherapy? Isn’t it just a guided meditation? Well, yes and no is the way I answer this question.

The history of hypnosis is as ancient as that of sorcery, magic, and medicine; indeed, hypnosis has been used as a method in all three. The root of the word comes from the Greek for the Greek God ‘Hypnos’ the god of sleep. Clients experience a sense of ultra relaxation that is guided, though once learned, a person can develop the technique of ‘self’ hypnosis where they can guide themselves to the deeper levels.

Sometimes, the ‘trance’ can be so deep that they fall asleep. This is fine as you would just wake up naturally. No trigger words would return you to the hypnotic state unless you wanted to.
How does this differ from meditation? Well, meditation involves focusing or clearing your mind using a combination of mental and physical techniques. Depending on the type of meditation you choose, you can meditate to relax, reduce anxiety and stress, and more.

Meditation and hypnosis are both practices that involve relaxation and focus, but they have different purposes and techniques.
Meditation is a practice that involves training attention and awareness to achieve mental clarity, calm, and stability. It often involves techniques such as mindfulness, loving-kindness, and mantra meditation. The goal of meditation is to develop an awareness of self and to be present in the moment.

Hypnosis, on the other hand, is a state of focused attention in which people can be more responsive to suggestion. It involves a deep state of relaxation and concentration, often guided by a hypnotherapist. The goal of hypnosis is to alter behaviour through suggestions, visualizations, and exploring memories and beliefs. Hypnosis can be used for various purposes, such as relieving physical discomfort, enhancing performance, or gaining insight.
Both hypnosis and meditation involve changing the mindset, but the path to achieving this change is different. Hypnosis can be defined as a state of focused attention in which people can be more responsive to suggestion. Meditation can be defined as the use of a technique to train attention and awareness with the purpose of achieving mental clarity, calm, and stability. There are many forms of meditation, including mindfulness, loving-kindness, and mantra meditation.

While hypnosis is often used for specific therapeutic purposes, such as relieving physical discomfort or enhancing performance, meditation largely focuses on being in the moment and cultivating a general awareness and presence. Hypnosis can be more practical for children, as its effective application can require only a few minutes a day initially. On the other hand, effective meditation may require 10 to 30 minutes of daily or twice-daily practice indefinitely.
I invite people to try different techniques and discover how they best learn. This way, I can adapt the method to the client to help them find what works for them the best and strengthen their ability to achieve the goal, whatever that may be.

So over the coming weeks and months, I intend to share some insights, methods, links and commentary to help everyone to be the best they can be and experience life as it should be, fun, relaxing and exciting.
Hopefully, my own journey to improvement can help others.

Until next time.

09/03/2025

Currently studying the benefits of Hypnotherapy in the therapy space.

Send a message to learn more