09/03/2025
In I Want to Trust You, But I Don’t, Lysa TerKeurst dives into one of the most challenging aspects of relationships—rebuilding trust after betrayal, disappointment, or deep hurt. Whether it’s a broken friendship, family conflict, or betrayal in a romantic relationship, learning to trust again feels almost impossible when wounds run deep.
TerKeurst, known for her heartfelt wisdom and biblical insights, explores the emotional, spiritual, and practical steps necessary to navigate trust issues. She emphasizes that healing doesn’t mean blind forgiveness or ignoring red flags—it means setting boundaries, discerning true restoration, and learning to trust in a healthier way.
Here are 10 lessons from the book:
1. Trust is Earned, Not Demanded
Trust isn’t something we owe others; it’s something they earn through consistent actions. Just because someone apologizes doesn’t mean they should regain immediate access to our hearts.
2. Healing and Trust are Separate Journeys
You can heal from past hurt without fully trusting the person who hurt you. Healing is your responsibility, while rebuilding trust requires the other person’s effort and accountability.
3. Boundaries Protect, Not Punish
Setting boundaries isn’t about revenge—it’s about ensuring your emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Healthy boundaries create space for trust to be rebuilt in a safe, intentional way.
4. Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself
Holding onto resentment keeps you trapped in pain. Forgiveness isn’t excusing the offense—it’s releasing yourself from the emotional burden of bitterness.
5. Reconciliation is Not Always the Goal
Sometimes, trust is too broken to be restored, and that’s okay. You can forgive someone without re-entering a toxic relationship. Healing doesn’t always mean reconnection.
6. God’s Timing is Different from Ours
We often want immediate resolution, but trust restoration is a slow process. God works in His perfect timing, and patience is necessary in discerning when (or if) trust can be rebuilt.
7. People Show You Who They Are—Believe Them
Repeated patterns of betrayal, dishonesty, or manipulation shouldn’t be ignored. Trust isn’t just about words; it’s about consistent, reliable actions over time.
8. It’s Okay to Grieve What Was Lost
Broken trust often comes with loss—the loss of security, dreams, or expectations. Acknowledging your grief is a necessary part of healing and moving forward.
9. Trusting God Helps You Trust People Again
When trust in people is shattered, leaning on God’s faithfulness can restore your ability to trust again—not blindly, but with wisdom, discernment, and peace.
10. Your Worth is Not Defined by Others’ Betrayal
Being hurt or betrayed does not make you unworthy of love, respect, or trust. Your identity is not based on what others have done to you but on who you are in God’s eyes.
