23/05/2026
Somebody asked me why I use the name Remeduamoris for my blog.
To clarify; I feel its orgin and the title serves as a reminder that the human lovelife is still THAT main center topic as it was in ancient Rome.
It still makes the world go round. Sometimes as a rollercoaster , a source of frustration - as well as revealing all kinds of madness. But also as a deep sense of compassion serving as a calm harbour for lovers.
As descibed in my blog Ovid was a well known roman poet and
In the original text "Remedia Amoris", Ovid writes not as a romantic idealist but as a tactician of detachment.
Love, for him, is a fever cured through distance, ridicule, routine, and the rediscovery of self-command and self reliance.
Adapting this to the modern lovelife we can tickle our imagination by shifting the scene from marble forums and courtesans, to dating apps, unread messages, algorithmic desire, parasocial intimacy, and the endless theatre of availability.
So maybe the remedies in modern life would look like this;
Love no longer arrives on horseback
It appears typing.
It glows from a lock screen at 1:13 AM: “you up?”
The ancient Romans feared poets because poets made longing immortal.
We have improved the technology.
Now longing refreshes every fifteen seconds.
The modern lover does not suffer from absence. They suffer from partial presence.
A person is gone but still watches your stories. They leave your message unread but “like” your photo three days later.
They disappear physically yet remain digitally embalmed.
This is not heartbreak in the classical sense. It is emotional push notifications, tha keep the options but leave it as questionmark
….(you can always shadowban )
So the first remedy may look like this:
1. Starve the Algorithm
The heart heals slower when the machine keeps feeding it evidence.
Ovid advised avoiding familiar streets and shared places.
Today the streets are virtual. Your Rome is an app.
Do not revisit their profile as if grief can become archaeology.
No answer waits in old captions.
The modern tragedy is not rejection itself, but the illusion that one more scroll will reveal hidden meaning.
Mute. Unfollow. Archive. Delete.
Not because you are weak. Because memory now has servers.
2. Beware Manufactured Intimacy
People now confess things before they know each other.
Trauma is exchanged like business cards. Childhood wounds become flirtation. Vulnerability is mistaken for compatibility.
You can know someone’s fears, favorite music, attachment style, and sleeping habits while never learning whether they are kind under pressure.
Modern romance mistakes disclosure for depth.
The cure is slower observation.
Watch how they treat inconvenience. Watch how they speak about powerless people. Watch how they behave when bored.
Chemistry is immediate. Character is revealed.
3. Do Not Build Cathedrals from Fragments
A three-hour conversation can feel otherwordly. It still may not mean anything durable.
Modern dating encourages emotional speculation. We construct entire futures from tone of voice, playlists, and texting cadence.
A delayed reply becomes philosophy. An emoji becomes jurisprudence.
Ovid would laugh at this.
Desire turns coincidence into prophecy.
The remedy is brutal but clean: judge patterns, not moments.
Anyone can perform intensity briefly.
Consistency remains rare.
4. Romance Has Become Performance
Many relationships fail because they are curated before they are lived.
Couples photograph tenderness instead of developing it. People announce devotion while privately negotiating indifference.
Love today often behaves like branding: soft lighting, shared aesthetics, mutual captions, strategic vulnerability.
But real affection is profoundly uncinematic.
It is carrying exhaustion together. It is surviving ordinary weeks. It is silence without panicing.
If your relationship exists primarily where others can witness it, it may not exist strongly enough where no one can.
5. Stop Seeking Completion
The old myth says another person makes you whole.
As a famous relationship therapist noted once: Modern culture pretends to reject this myth while secretly intensifying it. Now your partner must also be: best friend, therapist, erotic muse, intellectual equal, financial ally, co-parent, spiritual companion, travel partner, and personal growth catalyst.
No human survives this level of symbolic pressure.
Love suffocates under excessive meaning.
A healthier romance begins when two complete lives overlap instead of collapse into each other.
Need creates possession. Wholeness creates choice.
6. Learn the Difference Between Attention and Care
Attention is abundant.
Care is expensive.
Attention sends messages at midnight.
Care remembers your medical appointment.
Attention desires access.
Care assumes responsibility.
Attention is excited by mystery.
Care remains after revelation.
Many modern lovers are not heartbroken because they lost love. They are heartbroken because they often confused fascination with devotion.
7. The Final Remedy: Return to Yourself
Ovid ultimately understood something uncomfortable:T hat most heartbreakes is not grief for another person alone, but grief for the self we became around them.
You miss the version of yourself that felt chosen.
The remedy:
Let your attention become selective again.Let solitude regain dignity, hold and nurture yourself first
Let desire become intentional instead of reflexive.
The goal is not to love less.
It is to love without surrendering your own sovereignty.
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picture: Unsplash
