Still Ground Therapy

05/04/2026

What does it mean to be somewhere and not quite be there?

Most of us are doing this more than we realise. Psychologist Ellen Langer calls it mindlessness, behaviour that runs on autopilot, habitual and largely unconscious, driven more by context than by choice (Langer, 1989, Mindfulness).

We don’t decide to rush. We just do what the environment around us demands. And most environments demand constant motion.

The disconnection that comes from that isn’t dramatic. It’s quiet. A vague sense of being slightly outside your own life — present enough to function, absent enough to wonder later where the day went.

Most of us are moving through our lives looking for the gap between the momentum and ourselves. The small pause where something quieter lives.

The trouble is we’ve built entire lives that make that pause very hard to find.

When did you last stop not to rest, not to recover but just to notice where you actually are?

— Stephanie

16/03/2026

This study from NUH is important — but I want to add some clinical context before it gets misread.

What’s being described here is what some researchers informally call “virtual autism” — autism-like symptoms that emerge in young children following prolonged, excessive screen exposure. Think delayed speech, reduced eye contact, social withdrawal, repetitive behaviours. These are real, they are concerning, and they warrant attention.

But they are not the same as a clinical autism diagnosis. Here’s the distinction that matters:

Virtual autism is environmentally induced. It is not formally recognised in the DSM-5 or ICD-11. And critically — the research suggests it is largely reversible when screen time is reduced and replaced with meaningful human interaction and play. The brain, especially in early childhood, is remarkably adaptive.

Clinical Autism Spectrum Disorder is an inborn, lifelong neurodevelopmental condition with genetic and neurological underpinnings. It does not resolve with screen reduction. It is not caused by parenting choices or screen habits. And it is not something a child grows out of.

What does make a difference for clinically diagnosed autism is early, structured intervention — speech therapy, occupational therapy, developmental support — the earlier the better. The research on this is clear and consistent.

So if you’re a parent reading this article with worry: please don’t use it to self-diagnose your child, in either direction. If you have concerns, seek a formal developmental assessment with a qualified clinician.

And if your child has received a clinical ASD diagnosis — this article is not about them. Their neurology is valid. Their needs are real.

A new study links prolonged screen time in toddlers to increased autism symptoms, highlighting concerns about exceeding screen time guidelines. Read more at straitstimes.com. Read more at straitstimes.com.

16/03/2026

You weren’t too sensitive. You weren’t too much. You weren’t difficult.

You were a different plant — placed in soil that wasn’t made for you.

Research tells us that children are not blank slates. We are born with distinct temperament profiles — our own rhythms, sensitivities, and thresholds. And according to psychiatrists Thomas & Chess, what shapes our psychological wellbeing isn’t temperament alone.

It’s the fit between who we are and the environment we’re placed in.

A rose and a cactus can both be breathtaking. But they cannot thrive in the same conditions. And being an expert in growing one does not make you an expert in growing the other.

If you grew up feeling like you were the problem — too emotional, too quiet, too intense, too sensitive — it may be worth asking a different question:

Was I difficult? Or was I simply never given the right conditions to grow?

That question alone can begin to change everything.
Swipe to explore the science behind this. 🌿

07/03/2026

Some days, we all need a gentle reminder that we’re doing better than we think. 🤍

Swipe through these 10 affirmations slowly. Let the ones that land, land.

If one of them spoke to you — save this post and come back to it on the hard days. And if you know someone who needs to hear this right now, share it with them.

Which one hit closest to home? Drop it in the comments💕

MindfulLiving SelfCompassion TherapistOfInstagram

05/03/2026

Not everyone comes back from CNY feeling “reset”.
If you’re already dreading going back to your life, that isn’t weakness – it’s information.

Sometimes dread is your system saying the pace, roles or expectations you’re returning to are no longer sustainable.

You don’t have to fix everything at once, but it’s worth listening before you force yourself to “power through” another year. 🌿

27/02/2026

“I just want to get back to my usual self.”

For a lot of people, “usual self” means more focused, more productive, more sociable, more “on it”. So when you feel flatter, slower, or less motivated, it can quickly turn into:

→“What’s wrong with me?”
→“I used to handle so much more.”

The low capacity is already one weight. The pressure to perform as your “old self” becomes another weight on top.

Often, this isn’t you failing at being you.

It can be a sign that long-term stress, quiet grief, or constant responsibility has finally caught up — and your system is trying to conserve energy, not misbehave.

A gentler question might be:
“Given everything I’ve been carrying… is it actually surprising that I don’t feel like my usual self right now?”

05/02/2026

We often call everything “stress”, but not all stress is the same.

Stress is meant to be one wave – it rises, you deal with the moment, and your system has a chance to come back down.

Strain is different.
It’s when the waves keep coming before you’ve recovered from the last one. Another demand. Another alert. Another “just handle this”.

From the outside you might look “fine”.
On the inside it can feel like you’re always slightly braced, never fully rested — just waiting for the next wave.

That isn’t you being weak.
It’s what happens when a nervous system doesn’t get real pockets of recovery, only brief pauses.

A gentle reflection:
Is what you’re calling “stress” right now more like a single wave… or has it been wave after wave for a long time? 🌊🌿

If it’s the second one, it might be worth treating it less like a personal flaw, and more like ongoing strain that deserves care, not criticism.

With love and gratitude,
Stephanie Tan 💙
Psychodynamic Psychotherapist

Connect with me | bio.site/stephxy.therapist

10/01/2026

If you’ve been measuring yourself against someone else lately, this one’s for you.

Comparing yourself only really “works” as a metric if every variable is identical. Things like:

→ Identical childhood safety and attachment experiences
→ Identical family dynamics and responsibilities
→ Identical culture, schooling and social expectations
→ Identical health, energy levels and capacity
→ Identical financial starting point and safety net
→ Identical timing, opportunities and losses along the way.

And even with the same parents, two people don’t get the same life. Siblings are often raised by completely different versions of the same adults –different stages of their career, mental health, stress, finances, support,
and different levels of emotional availability.

So when we say, “We grew up in the same family, why am I so different?”we’re already leaving out a lot of context.

On the outside it might look like:
“We’re the same age, we studied similar things, we work in similar fields.”

Underneath, your history, nervous system and responsibilities might be doing a completely different level of work.

This doesn’t mean you can’t be inspired by other people’s journeys. It just means using them as your yardstick of worth is absolutely unfair – to you.

A gentler question to hold might be:
“Given the life I’ve actually lived, and the nervous system I actually have… what would progress look like for me this season?” 🌿

09/01/2026

Re-gripping day + distance checks for every club 🏌🏻‍♀️

Through the process, what stood out to me was learning to embrace my personal hitting style — shaped by my body structure and natural tendencies.

Referencing good players (and their hitting styles) can give helpful direction. But trying to clone them usually creates stress… and that unnatural tension.

Same thing I see in therapy all the time:
growth doesn’t come from becoming someone else — it comes from refining who you already are.

Technique matters.
But authenticity is what makes it sustainable.