07/02/2017
Unsung Heroes
Rose has been my patient for about 5 years. Today, when I visited her, she looked me straight in the eyes and said: "Dr. Phan, I don't want to be like this anymore". "What do you mean?" I asked. She clarified:" I do not want to live like this anymore. I can't even take a step without feeling short of breath." She wanted me to perform assisted su***de for her.
Rose is an eighty-year-old white woman. She went to college; met some guy; fell in love and got pregnant. Her family and her boyfriend wanted her to have an abortion. She refused; had the baby and put her up for adoption. She dropped out of college; worked at odds and ends jobs and eventually met and married a sailor who would spend months at a time away from home. She had two daughters with him. Married but living as if she was single, she struggled to raise her two children working multiple jobs. The marriage ended after about five years.
Rose was diagnosed with bipolar disorder years ago and has been dealing with the ups and downs of this mental illness. Eventually, her disorder caught up to her and she ended up in a homeless shelter where she met Carol who was a volunteer at the shelter. They became friends and Carol eventually invited Rose to live with her; helped her get a job and became productive again.
When I first met Rose, she was in a psychiatric hospital during a manic episode. Rose had been living in different nursing homes. Because of her mental illness, Carol had become Rose's conservator and made all decisions for her. After she was stabilized, she was sent back to the nursing home where she stays till now. She was hospitalized many times for her bipolar disorder and multiple other serious medical problems including cancer.
Through it all, Carol stood by her; took her to the many specialists and doctors for treatments; encouraged her to get better; to continue to fight; questioned the doctors, and made sound health care decisions for Rose.
Bipolar disorder is hard on a person. It is especially hard for the people around that person to witness. Yet, Carol stood by Rose, year after year; episode after episode of hospitalization.
I called Carol after my visit with Rose. I told Carol about Rose's wish. We do not know if it is Rose's true wish or it is the depression talking. But we can empathize with Rose's perspective. I thanked Carol for caring and for being there for Rose all these years.
To me Rose and Carol are unsung heroes who inspired me to do better.
I am inspired by Rose's tenacity in fighting her illnesses and her courageous struggle to provide for her children despite her depression. I am touched by her courage in facing human mortality.
Carol shows her generosity and kindness by taking in a complete stranger with mental illness and continue to support her all those years.
