Fully Alive Therapy

09/19/2022

Joy. We were made to run on it. Please find my latest post on my Family Quest page
https://www.facebook.com/famquesttherapy/

Family Quest is now Fully Alive therapy. I still offer in-office therapy sessions as well as virtual sessions that treat the whole person, body, soul and spirit. I offer trauma informed, non-judgmental therapy to all seeking change in their lives.

09/19/2022

Joy. How is your joy bucket today? Full, empty, draining, being filled?
Did you know that our brains were made to run on joy and that there is actually a joy center in our brains? When joy is present in us, we are able to live as we were made to live and be who we really are. Our Father is keenly interested in us knowing joy.

"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature." John 15:11

"The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you'll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you.
You'll no longer be so full of questions. "This is what I want you to do: Ask the Father for whatever is in keeping with the things I've revealed to you.
Ask in my name, according to my will, and he'll most certainly give it to you. Your joy will be a river overflowing its banks!" John 16:22-24

I am planning to start group that will explore how to increase our joy by connecting more intimately with our Father in heaven. If you are interested in joining such a group, please message me.

05/28/2022

How much time do you/I spend being our true selves versus a pretend or false self?
Joh 1:12 But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves.
Apart from an identity that is rooted in the unconditional love of God for me as an individual, I will try to be good enough by putting on a false self that my radar tells me will get me the acceptance that I long for. There are inherent problems with that approach.
First of all we are not even aware of how we create a false self to feel better about ourselves. It begins at a very early age, before we are even able to realize in our logical brains that we are acting out of a self we created to feel better about who we are. How do we define who we are? By taking our cues from the people around us. It begins even before we are born. Anxious mothers transmit their anxiety to their unborn babies. A feeling of insecurity can begin even in the womb and begin to settle into the unborn soul. And as soon as a baby is born that child is searching (unconsciously) for clues as to his or her worthiness, belongingness, safety, etc. The unconscious question is, "Am I safe, protected, cared for, wanted, etc.?"
And the longing for those things goes on throughout our lives. We are constantly looking for affirmation, and adapting our sense of self to something that we hope will garner those kinds of feelings and awareness. But what happens when people are inconsistent, or worse, downright unloving? Well, we all develop a persona, or mask, that we present to the world. Persona means, "The role that
one assumes or displays in public or society; one's public image or personality, as distinguished from the inner self." That contrast is hugely significant.
Secondly, living that way is exhausting, or to say it the other way around, rest and peace are difficult to obtain. So we live with distractions. Even the most successful appearing people can be living out of a projected image that they believe will provide them with the unconditional love, sense of belonging and sense of significance that every human being wants and needs.
The inner self may be crying for those things while the persona projects an image of being together, or hoping to appear together.
Jesus came to repair the holes in our inner self by offering us His unconditional love and acceptance. By receiving that love our inner self can be made whole. How do we know that is happening? We stop being posers. We are aware of our selves at a deep inner level, our emotions, our longings. This is sometimes called mindfulness. We are comfortable in our own skins, accepting ourselves regardless of what has happened to us or how people treat us. And we are capable of being "others centered," not so that we can appear as kind or loving and be approved of, but rather because we know that our true self, with all its flaws and faults, has been pursued by a loving God and forgiven, so that we are free. Do I try to be good SO THAT I will feel loved, or do I feel deeply loved and accepted which results in genuinely being able to give myself to others with no hidden agenda of wanting to look good? Finding our true selves by relating to Jesus is really the only way we can deal with our human brokenness in a way that doesn't lead to more posing. It begins by taking a personal inventory of why we do what we do. And it helps to have someone who loves us unconditionally and with whom we feel safe to give us feedback along the way.

03/25/2021

Joy II
What is joy?
There are two parts to the definition, which match the two parts of our brain.
There is the words part, which consists of definitions. While important, these definitions only use the left side of the brain, the logical and reasoning side. Dictionary definition includes these words: happiness, delight, pleasure, enjoyment, bliss, ecstasy, elation, thrill, gladness, exultation.
The Hebrew word in the Bible comes from a root that literally means to brighten up.
The Greek word in the New Testament often used for joy means cheerfulness, calm, delight, gladness.

In His words to his disciples in the gospel of John, Jesus said this:
I have told you these things, that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy and gladness may be of full measure and complete and overflowing. John 15:11
Sounds like a pretty good deal, right? I can live with that, but often I do not. The words are there, but the experience is not. "What's wrong with me," I think.
The other part of the definition lives and is understood with the right side of the brain. That part of our brain is where relational attachment is perceived; where the emotions live.
In my counseling practice I often hear people say things like. "I know God is real, but I just don’t feel His presence or feel close to Him."
What they are saying is that cognitively, with the left side of their brain, they acknowledge facts about God. They believe.
But, to borrow a modern cliché, "I’m just not feeling you, God."

To "feel" joy, we have to experience in the right side of our brains what the left side definitions tell us joy is.
If we have lots of life giving connections and experiences that we can call up, we can feel the joy as we remember those experiences.
We cannot manufacture joy. We have to receive it through the right side of our brains, the experiential side.
That joy is relational and experiential is illustrated by some words that David wrote in Psalm 16.
"You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever." Psalm 16:11
Or to use the paraphrased version in The Message:
"Now you've got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I'm on the right way."
I will come back to that "radiant from the shining of your face" in another post. For now, let's just say that God wants us to experience His presence with the relational side of our brains so that our joy may be full.
I sometimes will ask people in my office to hit the pause button on their thinking side of the brain and recall an experience in their life which they would describe as life giving or producing deep gratitude, and then to just feel what that experience was like and how it affected them in their body.
Sometimes this exercise is hard for people who are accustomed to, or by nature, live more out of their cognitive brains. I have to explain that it's not turning off that side of the brain, but simply learning to pay more attention to the other part of our brains.
After a little practice, trial and error, most of my guests are able to step into a past experience that was life giving and produced delight or lightheartedness. As they listen in this way, there are sometimes profound affects they begin to feel in their bodies. I delight in seeing these folks come alive to those kinds of experiences that are part of their identity.
And so their journey to live in joy has taken a large step forward.
I invite you to do the same thing in your own life. Sometimes it is difficult, especially when we are going through a season of struggle, pain, depression, etc. But most folks have these joyful experiences in their memories. Calling them up and listening (feeling) with the relational side of their brains actually reproduces the same relational delight that helps us live out our true identities as God's beloved children.

12/03/2020

Psa 33:17 Horsepower is not the answer; no one gets by on muscle alone.
Psa 33:18 Watch this: God's eye is on those who respect him, the ones who are looking for his love.
Psa 33:19 He's ready to come to their rescue in bad times; in lean times he keeps body and soul together.
Psa 33:20 We're depending on GOD; he's everything we need.
Psa 33:21 What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name.
Psa 33:22 Love us, GOD, with all you've got-- that's what we're depending on.

11/28/2020

1Jn 4:10 This is the kind of love we are talking about--not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God. The Message
The old adage, "If you are feeling far away from God, guess who moved?" comes to mind when I read this. But closeness to God is not an automatic because of what Jesus did on the cross. Even the prodigal son had to "come to his senses" and return to his father in order to be restored to relationship. This process can happen in many small ways throughout a day, a week, or it can be a large returning all at once, followed by many smaller ones.