10/10/2026
❤️ HEALING WITH THE HILLS | When the Kids Come, Where Does the Marriage Go?
I recently came across a clip from an Oprah podcast that really made me think about something Tim and I have noticed more and more while working with couples.
Sometimes, the disconnect in a marriage doesn't begin with infidelity, a major argument, or somebody falling out of love. Sometimes, it begins when the children arrive.
And hear me out, because this is NOT about blaming women or men.
When children come into the picture, something shifts.
Many women move into full-on survival mode. They're raising babies, managing the household, working, keeping schedules together, and trying to make sure everybody has what they need.
And somewhere along the way, their identity as a wife and partner can get buried underneath the responsibilities of being a mother.
Meanwhile, some men begin feeling like they've moved from being their wife's partner to being the last person on her list.
They don't feel pursued anymore. They don't feel desired. Sometimes they don't even feel needed beyond what they provide.
And instead of talking about those feelings, they slowly retreat into the background.
But here's the OTHER side of that story.
The woman is often building resentment because she feels like she's doing everything by herself.
And sometimes, without realizing it, she established that pattern early on. She became the one who handled everything, anticipated every need, and carried the mental load.
Not necessarily because she wanted to, but because that's how their family learned to function.
Years later, she's exhausted and wondering why he doesn't step up.
He's feeling rejected and wondering why she doesn't want him anymore.
She's saying, "I need help." He's saying, "I need to feel wanted."
And neither one feels heard.
What's interesting is that we've also seen how women can spend YEARS expressing their unhappiness, but their husbands don't recognize how serious things have become until she's emotionally checked out or preparing to leave.
Then comes the famous question: "Where did this come from?"
But for her, it didn't come out of nowhere.
This is exactly why Tim and I believe couples need support during the transition into parenthood, not just when the marriage is already in trouble.
Because how you establish your roles, communicate your needs, share responsibilities, and nurture your relationship in those early years can shape your marriage for decades.
Motherhood shouldn't require a woman to lose herself. Fatherhood shouldn't leave a man feeling invisible. And parenting should never become a responsibility that one person carries alone.
You can be amazing parents and still need to learn how to remain connected as partners.
The goal isn't to choose between your children and your marriage. It's to build a family where BOTH relationships are nurtured.
❤️ LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!
For those of you who have children, did your relationship change after becoming parents?
And looking back, what do you wish you and your partner had talked about BEFORE the babies arrived?
We'd love to hear from both the men AND the women on this one.
— Tim & Sharita Hill Healing with the Hills
Let's vibe, heal, and grow together. ❤️
