Harper Counseling and Consulting Services

Harper Counseling and Consulting Services Thought leader. Speaker. Consultant. Therapist. Supervisor. Educator. Opinions/view are my own.

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I’m virtually attending the NASW National Conference, and yesterday’s opening plenary, The State of Social Work: Crisis,...
06/11/2026

I’m virtually attending the NASW National Conference, and yesterday’s opening plenary, The State of Social Work: Crisis, Opportunity, and the Future of the Profession, left me feeling inspired, energized, and deeply recommitted to our profession.

One message from Dr. Anthony Estreet, CEO of NASW, especially stayed with me: “Don't let others define our brand. We have to reclaim the power of social work.”

As social workers, our impact is profound, our expertise is valuable, and our voice matters. It’s up to us to tell our story and shape the future of our profession.

Day 2 is underway, and I’m looking forward to today's keynote: Purpose as Resistance. I will be sharing a few nuggets each day.

Today, I'm thinking about everyone carrying heavy emotions.For many in our community, especially Black families and comm...
06/10/2026

Today, I'm thinking about everyone carrying heavy emotions.
For many in our community, especially Black families and communities, recent events have brought up feelings of grief, fear, anger, exhaustion, disappointment, confusion, and heartbreak. Whatever you're feeling, it is okay to acknowledge it.
When emotions run high, remember that not every thought needs to be debated, and not every comment deserves a response. Protecting your peace is not avoidance; it is wisdom.
A few reminders for anyone struggling today:
• Take a break from social media if you need to. I am.
• Limit your exposure to videos, commentary, and endless scrolling. I am.
• Spend time with people who make you feel safe, seen, and supported. I am.
• Get outside, move your body, drink water, and eat something nourishing. I am.
• Pray, meditate, journal, or sit quietly with your thoughts. I am.
• Give yourself permission to rest without feeling guilty. I am.
• Check on your friends, especially those who are carrying more than they are showing. I try to encourage one person I love each day in some way. I may increase that this week.
Community care is powerful. We were never meant to carry difficult moments alone.
As for me, I am taking my own advice. I will be stepping away from social media for a few days to rest, reflect, and care for my own well-being. Because of that, I won't be responding to comments or messages for a bit.
Be gentle with yourselves and with one another. Healing requires both courage and rest. 💔💔💔💔

I have been pretty quiet lately.The truth is that the last two years have taken a toll on me in ways I didn't fully appr...
06/09/2026

I have been pretty quiet lately.

The truth is that the last two years have taken a toll on me in ways I didn't fully appreciate until recently. For the past few weeks, I have spent as much time resting as possible. Some days that meant staying in bed, turning down the noise, and giving my nervous system permission to recover.

As someone who is usually moving, helping, teaching, building, and showing up for others, that wasn't easy. I feel very deeply. Not just my stuff but I feel for those who are hurting. It's heavy but not something I ever want to change. People with emotional pain are dismissed far too often and made to feel they are the problem. That hurts.

One thing that has carried me through has been community. The texts, calls, check-ins, prayers, invitations, snail mail cards, care packages dropped off on my porch, encouragement, and simple reminders that I am not alone have meant more than I can adequately express. We were never meant to carry life's difficult seasons by ourselves. I am usually the person who supports. Asking for support doesn't come naturally for me. Thankfully, I have my community. They see me. They show up for me. They cry with me. They don't even ask what's going on. They simply see me and support me. I am so grateful.

Recently, I watched Princeton make a big transition to a new school. As with any change, there were understandable worries and uncertainties. What I've witnessed instead is a child who is thriving in an environment that better meets his needs. Watching him flourish has reminded me of an important truth: sometimes growth requires a change in environment. Sometimes the issue isn't that something is wrong with us. Sometimes we simply need different conditions to thrive.

He has a new school director and teacher who see him in a way his previous school was unable to. His experience and mine taught me something else: sometimes healing requires changing your community. Not because people are bad or because anyone has failed you, but because not everyone has the tools, capacity, perspective, or lived experience to support you through every season of your life. Sometimes the people who helped you survive one chapter are not the people who can help you grow through the next one. And that's okay. There is no shame in seeking spaces, relationships, and communities that better align with what you need.

Today, I received some news that gave me something I haven't felt in two years: hope.
I don't plan to share the details, but for the first time in two years, I can see the possibility of brighter days ahead. If you're walking through a difficult season, please know that healing is rarely linear. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is rest. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is pause. Sometimes you need to find new people to walk beside you. And sometimes hope arrives quietly when you least expect it.

I've learned that rest is not a reward. Rest is a necessity. This summer is going to look a little different for me. I am choosing restoration, joy, connection, and creating things that matter. I'm looking forward to sharing more content, hosting events, offering CEUs, and reconnecting with all of you in meaningful ways.

Thank you for being part of my community. Thank you for helping me remember that even after the hardest seasons, new chapters are possible.

Here's to rest, healing, hope, and the courage to keep moving forward.
❤️

Please read my latest article posted on LinkedIn.Confrontation on the courtIn the aftermath of the exchange between Dawn...
04/15/2026

Please read my latest article posted on LinkedIn.

Confrontation on the court
In the aftermath of the exchange between Dawn Staley and Geno Auriemma, much of the public conversation has focused on what was said, what was almost said, and what could have happened.

But let’s be clear about what actually occurred. This was not just a “heated moment.” This was a public verbal assault, delivered within a system where power, race, and gender are never neutral. Lip readers and internet commentary suggest that Coach Staley, in the immediate aftermath of that verbal assault, said something along the lines of “I will beat Geno’s ass.”

And let’s be clear about that, too.

Staley’s retort was not the story. That was the reaction, a human reaction, an understandable reaction, a reaction that, if left unchecked, would have been used to define her. And that is exactly what the system was ready to do…but it didn’t get the chance.

The Moment Within the Moment
Before the moment could escalate, other female coaches stepped in—quickly, intentionally, without hesitation. They did not grandstand. They did not escalate. They did not make it about themselves. They intervened. They created space. They de-escalated. They protected. And in doing so, they protected more than a moment, they protected a legacy, a reputation, and a narrative that could have been weaponized in seconds.

What Was Understood Without Being Said
Those women understood something that did not need to be spoken. They understood that the stakes were not equal. They understood that a white male coach can display anger, poor sportsmanship, and emotional volatility and still be framed as competitive, passionate, even iconic, while a Black woman displaying even a fraction of that same emotion risks being labeled aggressive, unprofessional, or dangerous.

They understood misogynoir, a term coined by Moya Bailey (2013), which names the specific intersection of racism and sexism Black women experience. They also understood what research continues to affirm: Black women are judged more harshly for emotional expression and are more likely to be penalized for behavior that is tolerated or even rewarded in others. And yes, we must name this too.

White Fragility is not just about discomfort in conversations about race. It also shows up in the inability to tolerate loss, challenge, or disruption of dominance without escalation. What could have been a moment of sportsmanship instead became one of control, reaction, and redirection.

Because what was at risk here was not just a game, it was a moment that belonged to Dawn Staley. A moment her team earned. A moment her leadership made possible. A moment her legacy deserved. A moment she should have been allowed to fully celebrate. And instead of that moment being fully hers, it was nearly overtaken.

This Is What Sisterhood Looks Like
We often talk about “supporting women,” but what we witnessed was something far more precise. This was protection in real time. This was the kind of sisterhood that understands—I see what this moment could cost you; I see what they are about to do with this and I will not let that happen.

There was no need for discussion, no need for instruction — just action. Because sometimes support is not loud, sometimes it is strategic. Sometimes it is about interruption before harm becomes permanent.

As I revisited the footage, I noticed something else that deserves to be named. Among the women who stepped in, some were also white women. And what stood out to me was not perfection—but participation. There was a moment where one woman appeared visibly uncertain, almost confused, but she still moved. She still stepped in. She understood the assignment.

In a world where whiteness so often supersedes womanness, where proximity to power can override solidarity, that moment mattered. Because allyship is not about always getting it right. It is about choosing alignment in real time, even when you are still making sense of what is happening.

They did not center themselves. They did not escalate. They followed the lead of Black women who understood the stakes at a deeper level. And that is what allyship can look like in practice—not performative statements, not delayed responses, but immediate action that protects, supports, and does no further harm. It does not erase the broader reality of power and privilege, but it does show what is possible when people choose to move in alignment, rather than defaulting to dominance.

The Aftermath and the Labor That Followed
And then came what so often comes next: Geno Auriemma issued an apology. However, as far as public record shows, he did not apologize to Dawn Staley in the same direct and public manner in which the initial harm occurred. Instead, we watched a familiar pattern unfold.

Coach Staley released a statement. She shared that they had spoken. She emphasized his importance to the game. She expressed respect. She asked the public to move forward.

She did not say he apologized. She did not center the harm. She did what Black women are so often expected to do. She absorbed. She translated. She repaired.

A second apology was issued later, four days after the event. The same day as Staley’s statement. It is unclear which happened first.

Emotional labor research reminds us that women, and particularly Black women, are often expected to manage not only their own emotions, but also the emotional climate of others. They are asked to restore order, preserve relationships, and protect institutions, even when they, themselves, are the ones impacted. That is not neutrality; that is burden.

This Pattern is Not New
We have seen this across industries. When Serena Williams advocated for herself on the court, she was penalized and labeled emotional, while similar expressions from others were normalized. When Michelle Obama spoke with conviction, she was labeled “angry,” forcing her to navigate perceptions in ways her counterparts were never required to consider. When Megan Thee Stallion publicly shared her experience of harm, she was met with scrutiny, disbelief, and character attacks, rather than immediate support.

Different fields, same pattern. The behavior is not the issue, the perception is.

They Moved To Prevent Harm, Not To Correct Her
The women coaches recognized the stakes and moved in alignment. What we witnessed was not correction. It was protection. They moved to protect her in a moment the world was ready to weaponize. Those coaches did not shame her. They did not correct her publicly. They did not center themselves. They simply moved with clarity: Protect the person. Protect the moment. Protect what the world would be quick to distort.

Why This Matters Beyond Basketball
This was never just about sports. This was about systems where white male authority is protected, even in moments of harm. A system where Black women’s reactions are scrutinized more than the actions that provoked them, and where celebration can be interrupted, redirected, and taken.

How many times have we seen Black women reach a pinnacle moment, only to have it disrupted, questioned, or reframed? How many times have Black women still been asked to clean it up afterward?

Whether in sports, academia, corporate spaces, or clinical work, this pattern is not new.

It is patterned: A Final Reflection
What we witnessed was not just intervention. It was strategy. It was protection. It was love…and it was necessary. Because without it, the story would have shifted. The narrative would have hardened, and the moment that belonged to Coach Staley would have been taken from her. Nonetheless, she was still asked to carry the aftermath.

So, let’s be clear about what we are building; not just spaces where Black women can succeed, but spaces where they can celebrate…fully, freely, without interruption. And until that exists, may we continue to show up for one another in ways that are immediate, intentional, and protective. That is how we survive. That is how we lead. That is how we ensure the moment remains ours.

References

Bailey, M. (2013). Misogynoir transformed: Black women’s digital resistance.

DiAngelo, R. (2018). White fragility: Why it’s so hard for white people to talk about racism. Beacon Press.

ESPN. (2026). Dawn Staley celebrating during NCAA Women’s Basketball tournament [Photograph]. ESPN. https://www.espn.com/womens-college-basketball/

Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The managed heart: Commercialization of human feeling. University of California Press.

Rosette, A. S., Koval, C. Z., Ma, A., & Livingston, R. W. (2016). Race matters for women leaders: Intersectional effects on agentic deficiencies and penalties. The Leadership Quarterly, 27(3), 429–445.

Wingfield, A. H. (2010). Are some emotions marked “whites only”? Racialized feeling rules in professional workplaces. Social Problems, 57(2), 251–268.

Confrontation on the court In the aftermath of the exchange between Dawn Staley and Geno Auriemma, much of the public conversation has focused on what was said, what was almost said, and what could have happened. But let’s be clear about what actually occurred.

It’s been a while since I’ve shown up here consistently, and I want to name that. Over the past several months, I made a...
04/11/2026

It’s been a while since I’ve shown up here consistently, and I want to name that. Over the past several months, I made a very intentional decision to step back. Not because I didn’t have anything to say, but because I had too much. I was navigating overwhelm, stepping into my doctoral program, and realizing in real time that I needed rest. Not a break from purpose, but a pause to reconnect with it.

While I’ve posted here and there, I didn’t offer context. And for that, I want to acknowledge the silence. What I’ve come to understand is that stepping away was not a loss of momentum. It was alignment. And if I’m honest, part of what made it necessary is the world we are living in. There is so much happening all at once. War. Violence. Immigration raids. Systems that continue to harm the most vulnerable. As someone who feels deeply, who moves through the world as an empath, it can be overwhelming to witness and hold. And for a while, I needed to step back so I didn’t lose myself in it.

Watching the moment involving Dawn Staley stirred something in me. Not just as a viewer, but as a Black woman, a leader, and someone deeply committed to disrupting systems that were never designed for us. It reminded me why I write. Why I speak. Why I show up. It reminded me that my voice still has work to do.

So this is me re-engaging. Intentionally.

As I move forward, you’ll notice some shifts. I am in the process of refining my voice, finding my way again, and stepping more fully into the work I feel called to do. That includes a rebrand, deeper conversations around leadership, burnout, and social justice, and continued advocacy for those navigating systems that require us to be both excellent and resilient.

If you’ve been here, thank you. If you’re new, welcome. And if this work resonates with you, I invite you to stay connected. There’s more coming.

If you want to stay connected beyond this space and be the first to know what I’m building, I invite you to join my VIP list (link below). More to come soon.

https://forms.gle/qrKtHGFSYk4ZKUBe8

04/02/2026

Last week stretched me in ways I’m still trying to put words to. As a Black woman navigating predominantly white spaces, the weight of racial trauma has been real.

But today… today reminded me why I do this work.

I had the honor of speaking at Hour of Power for the Center for African American Studies, and I poured into a room full of brilliant, resilient students, many of them first-generation, many navigating systems not built with them in mind. While the audience was mostly students of color, we also had allies in attendance. We talked about the hidden curriculum… the unspoken rules, expectations, and barriers that so many of us had to learn the hard way.

And when I tell you… the exchange was powerful.

Afterwards, there was a line. Not for anything formal, just students waiting to connect. To share. To say thank you. Three people said something that will stay with me for a long time:
“I feel seen.”

One student was tearful, and I recognized that moment immediately… because I’ve been her.

I gave hugs. I told a few of them to call me Auntie Kiva. And I meant that. Don't worry about boundaries. There are no students in my department in attendance. These are undergrads from across campus that I am happy to mentor.

Because this is what social work looks like beyond the classroom. This is dignity and worth of the person. This is importance of human relationships. This is showing up, telling the truth, and creating space where people feel seen, affirmed, and empowered. This is social justice.

What I realized today is that this is more than a moment. It’s a calling.

Mentoring first-generation students and students of color at PWIs… helping them navigate, affirming their brilliance, and disrupting systems in ways that are aligned with who I am… that is purpose work. And I’m committed to finding ways to continue doing this, whether within the university or beyond it.

To the students who showed up, who shared, who trusted me with your stories… thank you. I came to pour into you, but I left full. Still full. In ways I didn’t even know I needed.

Words really don’t feel big enough, but I am deeply grateful for this experience and for each of you. 💙🧡

A special shout out to Dr. Shelton for the invite, the students who volunteered, the library staff and to our School of Social Work communications department for promoting.

work

UTA students! Hope to see you tomorrow!
03/31/2026

UTA students! Hope to see you tomorrow!

UTA student! Hope to see you there.
03/31/2026

UTA student! Hope to see you there.

YALL! Tonight filled my cup in a way I didn’t even know I needed.I had the honor of being invited to share my journey wi...
03/30/2026

YALL! Tonight filled my cup in a way I didn’t even know I needed.

I had the honor of being invited to share my journey with Dr. Kristen Guillory's Next Level group as an alum. I showed up ready to give… but ended up receiving so much more.

In the middle of sharing, I briefly opened up about the kind of week I’ve been having and some of the professional challenges I’ve been navigating. Without hesitation, this group poured into me with such genuine affirmation, encouragement, and care.

And then… they celebrated me.

First they wrote Words of Affirmation in the chat and poured into me. Dr. G had me read them out loud. They took a moment to acknowledge me as the first Black Professor of Practice in my department. Y’all… I sobbed. Real tears. The kind that come from being seen, held, and reminded that you matter. My body shook. My chest heaved. I experienced a release that I've been needing for the last couple of years.

That moment reminded me just how powerful community is. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much we need it until it shows up and wraps itself around us.

My heart is so full. I even added a new song to my 2026 glow-up playlist! Because Dr. Kristen Guillory knows me well, they played MJB to send me off.

If you are feeling alone, overlooked, or hurting… please hear me: find your people. They are out there. And until you do, celebrate YOURSELF. Speak life over yourself. You are worthy right now. No matter what the world is telling you, YOU ARE WORTHY RIGHT NOW.

Thank you, Dr. G and the Next Level group, for giving me something I didn’t even know I needed. I will carry this with me into the week and beyond. Bonus shout out to my sis Christi Culpepper-Walker, PhD who was in attendance and always has my back. If you were there, please tag yourself. I added the pics I mentioned, me rested and the sunrise. Thank you again for giving me what I didn't even know I needed.

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