04/02/2026
🚨 BIG ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨
After years of bike fitting and physical therapy, I’ve finally cracked the code…
Starting today, I’m offering Remote Psychic Bike Fits™ + Telepathic PT Sessions 🔮🚴♀️🧠
No need to bring your bike.
No need to show up.
No need to even move.
Just Venmo me, sit quietly, and I’ll feel your saddle height, cleat position, hip mobility, etc.
I’ll also remotely:
✔️ Mobilize your lumbar spine
✔️ Assess your ankle mechanics
✔️ Improve your breathing patterns
✔️ Convince your nervous system to cooperate
Early results:
✔️ +47 watts FTP increase
✔️ Zero saddle sores
✔️ Pain-free everything
✔️ 100% improvement in vibes
DM “ALIGN ME” to book your session.
…
April Fools 😄
But seriously—your body matters just as much as your bike fit. If something feels off, let’s sort it out… ON and OFF the bike.