08/05/2026
Regrets, Clinging, and Suffering, Mark Dannenfelser
The question of regret, especially regrets around not living an intentional life, does not only show up in meditation groups. We see this addressed in modern psychology.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy has found that people flourish not by waiting for life to go my way, or to get what we want, but by living according to their deepest values today, even in the presence of disappointment, pain, uncertainty, or fear (Hayes et al., 2006).
Daniel Pink, an American non-fiction writer, has authored seven New York Times bestsellers. His book, The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward (2022), is particularly valuable to our discussion because he does not simply offer personal observations; he synthesizes more than 50 years of psychological research on regret, along with original survey data from over 26,000 people in 105 countries.
That research found that people's deepest regrets are rarely about wealth, status, or possessions. Instead, they center on missed opportunities for courage, authentic living, meaningful relationships, and living in accordance with one's deepest values (Pink, 2022). Pink says that essentially, people intrinsically want to do things that matter; people want to make a difference.
Pink’s thesis is that if we allow regret to be present so that we might see it for what it is and what it represents, and if we can do so with kindness and understanding, and without harsh judgment, then we may be able to really be present to the entirety of our lives, and to make real changes when available to us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p54uWCWzRg
This insight is remarkably consistent with mindfulness:
Rather than denying regret or becoming consumed by it, we can turn toward it with curiosity, allowing it to clarify what matters most.
Mindfulness offers us the possibility of not waiting for some imagined future before allowing ourselves to live with gratitude, love, and presence today. Do it now, in the now.
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