Jennifer Heggem, Psychotherapist

06/12/2026

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

06/08/2026

Many couples who come to us describing a relationship that feels flat or distant share a version of the same story. They did not have a single dramatic event that changed things. There was no betrayal, no major falling out. Things just gradually became more logistical and less alive. At some point they were managing a shared life together and no longer genuinely inhabiting each other's company. And neither of them can point to exactly when it happened.

This is one of the most common forms of relationship erosion: not dramatic but glacial. The small daily choices to be present with each other, to ask the real question instead of the easy one, to touch briefly in passing, to laugh together at something small, these things get crowded out over time by the demands of work and parenting and the general weight of adult life. And without them, even the best-laid foundation starts to feel empty.

The good news is that this kind of disconnection is among the most treatable. It does not usually require years of intensive work. It requires a return to intention.

The work is identifying the specific practices that used to make you feel connected and bringing those back with purpose. For some couples it is a particular ritual around the beginning or end of the day. For others it is the quality of the conversations they used to have. For others it is physical closeness that gradually faded.

The specifics matter less than the decision to return to them consistently.

Tag the person you want to reconnect with and save this post for both of you to read.

06/07/2026

06/07/2026

06/07/2026

Everyone is avoidant in one way or another.

Not just people who lean avoidant in attachment theory. Anxious people are avoidant too. We all are.

We avoid ourselves. We avoid difficult conversations. We avoid our feelings, vulnerability, grief, disappointment, uncertainty, and the parts of ourselves we’d rather not face.

To varying degrees, most of us are 100% afraid of intimacy.

That’s why so many relationships never reach a deep level of emotional closeness. It’s why so many of us feel stuck. We can’t have intimacy with others when we don’t have intimacy with ourselves.

06/05/2026

Friendly Note: "In a healthy relationship, your partner hears you when you're upset, and their priority is to avoid hurting you again, not argue whether you had a right to be upset in the first place.

They don’t grab a scoreboard. They don’t say “well you hurt me too last month.” They don’t turn your pain into a debate about logic. They put the armor down, look you in the eyes, and say “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Tell me more.”

Healthy love isn’t about being right. It’s about being safe. It’s about knowing that when you bring your hurt to them, it won’t be used against you later. They protect your softness instead of punishing you for having it.

If you have to beg someone to understand why something hurt you, you’re not in a relationship. You’re in a courtroom. And you’ll spend the whole relationship proving your feelings are valid instead of actually healing.

The right person won’t always get it perfect. But they’ll always choose repair over defense. They’ll choose “how do I fix this” over “how do I win this.” Because they’d rather lose the argument than lose you.

That’s the difference between a partner and a problem. One builds peace. The other builds walls.