08/18/2026
Apparently, I’m still vulnerable.
I recently bought a health tracker. Sixteen hours later, I canceled it.
I’ve done a LOT of work around orthorexia, disordered eating, diet culture, and my relationship with my body. I know how easily “health” can become another word for control. And yet, suddenly I was thinking about steps, sleep, activity, calories, and all the other numbers a little device could give me.
Thankfully, a family member gave me some tough love:
“You can tell yourself whatever story you need to tell yourself to justify this purchase. I will not judge you. Do your life. And know, this is your eating disorder talking.”
Oof.
My first reaction was embarrassment. I thought I should be farther along. But then I remembered: Recovery does not make us immune to diet culture. We can understand diet culture and still be vulnerable to it. We can have years of recovery behind us and still get pulled in by something that looks like “wellness.” We can know better and still have moments when we need someone we trust to hold up a mirror.
That doesn't mean we’ve failed. It means we’re human.
For me, recovery looked like noticing what was happening, listening to someone who knows me well, and changing course.
I’m not disappointed in myself. I’m actually proud.
Because sometimes recovery isn't never wanting the old thing again. Sometimes recovery is wanting it, recognizing it, and deciding not to participate in it anyway.