Stone and Vine Design

Stone and Vine Design We all move through patterns we didn’t consciously choose. I help you see the triggers and unconscious patterns shaping your life and home.

Meeting you in a way that actually shifts how you live and connect.

8112 State Route 12, Suite 4, Barneveld NY

I’ve noticed quite a few clients coming in lately confused about attachment styles and narcissistic tendencies.Honestly,...
06/02/2026

I’ve noticed quite a few clients coming in lately confused about attachment styles and narcissistic tendencies.

Honestly, it makes sense.

The behaviors can look surprisingly similar from the outside.

A dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and narcissist can all leave someone feeling confused, rejected, lonely, unseen, and questioning themselves.

The difference is often found underneath the behavior.

A dismissive avoidant is typically protecting themselves from vulnerability and dependence.

A fearful avoidant wants connection but is often terrified of being hurt, abandoned, or engulfed by it.

A narcissist is often protecting their self-image and may struggle significantly with accountability, empathy, and self-reflection.

One of the biggest questions I get asked is:

“Can they heal?”

In general, attachment styles can absolutely heal.

I’ve seen people with avoidant attachment become some of the most emotionally available, self-aware, and secure partners because they learned how to move through the very fears that once controlled them.

Narcissistic patterns are often much more difficult to change because healing requires a willingness to take accountability, tolerate discomfort, and examine the impact of your behavior on others.

The label itself isn’t always the most important question.

The better question is:

Can this person acknowledge the impact of their behavior, take responsibility, and participate in repair?

That answer will usually tell you more than any label ever could.

Stone & Vine Design
Clarity for your home. Healing for your life.

June 1 | Narcissistic Abuse Awareness DayA narcissist often doesn’t look abusive from the outside.They can appear charmi...
06/02/2026

June 1 | Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day

A narcissist often doesn’t look abusive from the outside.

They can appear charming, successful, funny, helpful, or even admired by others.

Behind closed doors, however, daily life often feels like walking on eggshells.

There may be constant criticism disguised as jokes, subtle put-downs, shifting standards you can never quite meet, blame for problems they create, emotional punishment when you have needs, and a refusal to take accountability for the harm they cause. They may twist conversations, rewrite history, deny things they clearly said or did and leave you feeling confused, guilty, or responsible for their behavior.

Over time, you stop focusing on what you think, feel, or need and start focusing on how to avoid their reactions.

The goal is not love, it’s control and manipulation.

And the damage often comes not from one explosive event, but from thousands of small moments that slowly teach you to doubt yourself while trusting them more than your own reality.

The hardest part of narcissistic abuse isn’t always the abuse itself.

It’s what happens afterward.

It’s the way you start collecting evidence for your own reality because somewhere along the way you stopped trusting yourself.

You learn to abandon your needs before someone can reject them.

You become so focused on keeping the peace that you no longer know what peace actually feels like.

And the most heartbreaking part?

Many survivors don’t leave thinking:

“I was abused.”

They leave thinking:

“I am too sensitive.”

“I ask for too much.”

“I am difficult to love.”

“Maybe if I explained myself better…”

The abuse often ends long before the self-abandonment does.

That is why healing can feel so complicated.

Because healing isn’t grieving the relationship.

It’s grieving the version of yourself that learned to survive it.

The messy is where the magic is! It won’t make sense at first but the clarity will come. 🤍
06/01/2026

The messy is where the magic is! It won’t make sense at first but the clarity will come. 🤍

I don’t think waiting for joy to disappear looks the way most people imagine.It’s not always obvious sadness.Sometimes i...
05/30/2026

I don’t think waiting for joy to disappear looks the way most people imagine.
It’s not always obvious sadness.
Sometimes it’s downplaying the good stuff when it happens.Not letting yourself get too excited.

This could look like keeping one foot out the door just in case or looking for problems when everything seems to be going well. Sometimes that can look like creating chaos in your mind. It’s your body remembering, acting from your unconscious.
Needing reassurance again and again.

Feeling a little uneasy when life is calm.

Thinking, “Okay, but what’s going to happen next?”

This can also look like wanting to be numb out so nothing feels extreme but that includes joy.

This feels like being ungrounded, that anxiety feeling in your chest is really just survival taking over and waiting for the other shoe to drop. What if it doesn’t and you spent your whole life waiting for it?

Are you ready to take your life back from unconscious patterning? 🙌🎉

A triggered emotion is often connected to unresolved pain from the past.A healthy emotion is connected to what is actual...
05/28/2026

A triggered emotion is often connected to unresolved pain from the past.

A healthy emotion is connected to what is actually happening in the present.

For example:

Healthy anger says:
“That hurt me.”
“That crossed a boundary.”
“This matters.”

Triggered anger sounds more like:
“Why does this always happen to me?”
“They clearly don’t care about me.”
“I knew I couldn’t trust anyone.”
“I have to deal with everything myself.”
“I’m not doing this again.”

The present moment activates old wounds that were never fully processed.

The same is true for fear, shame, sadness, guilt, or grief.

This does not mean your emotions are wrong.
It means your nervous system may still be carrying experiences your body never fully got to process safely.

The goal is not to stop feeling emotions.

The goal is learning the difference between:
“What am I feeling right now?”
and
“What old pain is this connected to?”

Because when we do not understand the difference, old wounds can begin driving present relationships, reactions, and decisions unconsciously.

Awareness is what helps us respond instead of react.

— Stone & Vine

What fear taught me was this:I learned how to survive people before I ever learned how to feel safe with them.I learned ...
05/26/2026

What fear taught me was this:

I learned how to survive people before I ever learned how to feel safe with them.

I learned to read moods.
To overthink.
To stay prepared.
To silence myself before someone else could reject me.

Fear taught me that love could disappear.
That peace could change without warning.
That being fully myself was risky.

So my body adapted.

Hypervigilance became normal.
Anxiety became personality.
Control became safety.

And the hardest part was realizing I called all of that “strength.”

— Stone & Vine

Most people think their patterns are their personality.But many of our reactions were learned long before we were consci...
05/24/2026

Most people think their patterns are their personality.

But many of our reactions were learned long before we were conscious of them.

People pleasing.
Hyper independence.
Overexplaining.
Emotional shutdown.
Perfectionism.

These patterns often began as protection.

The psyche adapts to survive what the body and nervous system once experienced as unsafe.

That does not make you broken.
But it does mean some parts of you may still be living from old survival strategies instead of present truth.

This is the heart of shadow work.

Not shaming yourself for the pattern.
Not identifying as the pattern.
But becoming conscious of it.

Because once you can see the pattern clearly, you can begin separating who you are from what you had to become to survive.

You are not the armor.

You are the person underneath it.

— Stone & Vine

Fear does not always look dramatic.Sometimes it looks like:overthinking,staying quiet,needing control,reading the room,p...
05/24/2026

Fear does not always look dramatic.

Sometimes it looks like:
overthinking,
staying quiet,
needing control,
reading the room,
preparing for worst-case scenarios,
or struggling to fully relax even in safe moments.

For years, I thought my body was overreacting.

What I understand now is that my nervous system was responding to what it learned to expect.

Healing has been teaching me that safety is not something I have to earn anymore.

— Stone & Vine

What anger taught me was this:My body was carrying the boundaries I never felt safe enough to set.The words I never said...
05/22/2026

What anger taught me was this:

My body was carrying the boundaries I never felt safe enough to set.

The words I never said.
The hurt I minimized.
The resentment that built when I kept choosing peace over truth.

Anger was not the problem.

It was the part of me that knew something mattered.

And my body was asking me to listen.

— Stone & Vine

What I was most angry about was realizing how much of myself I had to abandon to survive.My voice.My boundaries.My abili...
05/21/2026

What I was most angry about was realizing how much of myself I had to abandon to survive.

My voice.

My boundaries.

My ability to trust what I felt.

I learned to stay quiet, over-explain, and keep the peace so other people would feel comfortable.

And somewhere along the way, I stopped protecting myself.

My anger came when I realized how often I had betrayed my own knowing.

How many red flags I ignored.

How many times I chose acceptance over truth.

That anger was not bitterness.

It was self-respect returning.

It was the part of me that finally said:

No more.

— Stone & Vine

Address

8112 State Route 12 Suite 4
Holland Patent, NY
13304

Telephone

+13157651699

Website

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