Alcohol Anonymous Tracker

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10/10/2024

Day 4 no alcohol sobriety, morning review of day 3s sober inventory with a new touch of a gratitude tracker to be more Tigger šŸ… & less Eeyore

Was I resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
I was afraid and dishonest at 8:10 when I went to 7-11 this morning and attempted to purchase a small coffee from Mohammed. I had lost 3 dollars gifted to me from bill in the annex between 7:00 pre meter beaters and returning for a morning cup of Joe
At 13:10 I was selfish afraid and resentful waiting to talk to Colleen in the program about inclusion in a spiritual rendezvous of her caliber she thought worth merit of me being apart of when Larry trauma murse interjected need to gossip to ā€œprotectā€ me regarding the Alexis pending Shoralan ban on her perception of the behavior.

Do I owe an apology?
Yes to Mohammed for spotting me $2.10 for the balance of morning roast.
Yes to Colleen for not hearing her invitation to me
Yes to Larry for not helping him release pertinent thoughts troubling his sobriety regarding me as trivial as it is to me I failed helping the next alcoholic

Did I keep something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once?
Yes that when he asked about how Amazon was going with volume that I didnā€™t know how to briefly answer such a loaded question about waiting for my trusted leadership team to reach out about the status of ny employment
Colleen for not following up
Larry for reacting instead of responding to his need to gossip with me his sobriety is a great concern than my own as helping the senior alcoholics allows service to continue unity which is imperative to allow my own recovery

Was I kind and loving toward all?
No I was a liar cheating grifter with my behavior to Mohammed
I was dismissive to Colleenā€™s graceful love and hope she chose to touch me with

What could I have done better?
Not lost three dollars out of my zipperless pockets and checked my funds before stealing their profits
Followed up with Colleen before departing with Bill
Regarding Larry
Multitude of defects for me
Speak when spoken to and say ya or no accordingly
If somebody (you or anyone else) comes to me to share information about this I should make note.
add new information or double check already knowns to my tracker
(instead of being eager to share the knowledge I already have pertaining to the situation)
I know what sigacts i am tracking
on with that persons situation
Apologies that I disregarded your witnessing to know something i may not have already known already
Appreciate your bias for action with earn trust regarding this situation for the persons common health & security

Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Or was I thinking of what I could do for others, of what I could pack into the stream of life?
Yes I only cared to quench my thirst with some Cā‚ˆHā‚ā‚€Nā‚„Oā‚‚ to ignite the fire in my soul searching day
I was thinking of myself with Larry to prefer Colleenā€™s engagement which created a catalyst missing on both

Write down anything else below that should be included in the days inventory:
I owe the world for the breathes im grateful to take in this current day
Fear
Frightened
Inconsiderate
Resentment
Self importance
Self justification
Intolerant
Envy

Gratitude section
Life
Those blissful leaders who grace me in their Shoralan interactions saving my life over Q1 this year

10/09/2024

Was I resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
Meredith at 13:00 post 12:00 aa meeting asked me if I was doing anything after the meeting before thinking (halt) I immediately said no and she said Iā€™ll be right back to pick you up and take you and my puppy to spring lake beach dog park to play with her puppy. Immediately after she left I was afraid of my dishonesty which trigger a great need for a drink as I remembered how I selfishly just wanted to stay for longshoreman franks & Craig Walzer anniversary celebration since they have been so supportive during my struggles to stay sober the last 2 years at the shoralan

At 19:30 I was selfish afraid and resentful as the trustees at the Shoralan were using the meeting room for a meeting, which made me fearful to not be able to attend another meeting, which we engaging with a spiritual advisor Bernard I noted my behavioral off the beam actions saying the serenity prayer the meeting and situation mitigated itself only differing the meeting to a 20:05 start time
At 21:15 Kris who is Tim Gainley love of his life looked upset so I said how are you and she said she would be alright if I stopped being an as***le cause really I am being a fu***ng as***le to her. I was asking if she was done with her cigarette as itā€™s cherry appeared the length that she usually tosses it and she repeated the juju energy towards me and threw the cigarette lit into the trash almost lighting the cigarette receptacle on fire cause it started smoking profusely. I went into the trash and took out the lit cigs and placed them into the recycling into cans and poured my water bottle onto the still smoking filters. Bill from annex witness and I told Santa

Do I owe an apology?
Yes to Meredith and to Tim Gainley and Nike the truck driver who were a part of the poor behavioral actions
Yes cause I repeatedly offended Kris who I love and respect

Did I keep something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once?
That I should have immediately said I donā€™t know if should go play with the puppy and find a spiritual moment as I wish to support the unity and service of people in the program with sobriety I gravitate to desire achievement of.

I should have given it to god and just played the tape that I couldnā€™t change it and would find a way to focus on my recovery with those present

Was I kind and loving toward all?
No I was selfish angry dishonest Afraid of the ability to say no which inherently made me resent myself & want to drink

No I was selfish angry dishonest Afraid of not getting a meeting when needed

No I offended my friends love and continued pattern of disrespect

What could I have done better?
Just said no as if even if I didnā€™t have the celebration meeting I wanted to work on rewriting my character defects definition list to learn better safer communication methods

I could have just remembered live and let live, easy does it and but for the grace of god while saying the serenity prayer

Just watched and mitigated instead of offended by engaging in darkness offending Kris from program

Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Or was I thinking of what I could do for others, of what I could pack into the stream of life?
I was thinking of myself being hungry for life tired and probably lonely even though I prefer my own company I get perceived as isolating but remembering the Great Kathy from this weekends NJPAAs camping trip I wanted to get more step 1-3 work by supporting unity and service.

I was being dishonest and selfish to the needs of the greater good of the club wondering why the clubs trustees were to meet at 19:30 jeopardizing the 20:00 meeting
I was thinking of myself cause I was worried about her lurking in dark corridor looking upset on her face

Write down anything else below that should be included in the days inventory:
Dishonesty
Fear
Frightened
Inconsiderate
Self-importance
Self-condemnation
Angry
Impatient
Intolerant
Resentment

10/08/2024

Sober date is the 6th of October
This is the journal tracker from the first days sobriety on the 7th of October 2024.
Will continually post sober journal the day after.

Journal #1 day #1 from 6/10/2024

Was I resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
I was selfish dishonest selfish and resentful three times today.
Firstly after the 12:00 meeting Craig shoralan trustee, jack shoralan trustee, jack some decade sober music guy and cool retired dock worker frank were talking with me outside the meeting room about how I need to find a sponsor and I explained how the Santa ed & David gray conversation sponsor sponsee advice about Davidā€™s addiction brother asking for help to get off the street and how Santa told him to say f**k him in q2 this year which led to him staying on the street and overdosing to death on my birthday which made me afraid of who to trust with my sponsorship. How bill Wilson founder of aa trusted dr bob and died unsober as he asked for three shots of whiskey which asked on his deathbed but was denied to prove programs success but was still unsober as he had his wife Lois and his mistress at the hospital with him which (ąø‡ā€™Ģ€-ā€˜Ģ)ąø‡ is truly unsober behavior so I follow the method of the chuck (ąø‡ā€™Ģ€-ā€˜Ģ)ąø‡ approach (writer of a new pair of glasses) who is from that exact era who never got a sponsor but used every man AND WOMAN in the rooms (unprecedented at that time and know but I greatly identify with) as his spiritual guide and is the most recovered person in aa history.
Secondly Alexis came to work at the club as I was departing as I am banned when she works who I said hello to in passing but she said you know this is your problem your mouth if you just shut up donā€™t acknowledge me then youā€™ll eventually gain access to the clubs privileges again.
Tertiary reason
when I was at 7-11 with Cindy because she bought me a coffee and I was Chatting with her about the NYC public bathroom problem & how they are protesting for local rights as she had to go to the bathroom behind a dumpster which isnā€™t sober behavior (didnā€™t say that to her. Then I started to bring up how grateful I was that Florida just sat mandated shelters by county to house alll homeless and she said that she didnā€™t want to talk but just sit in silence.

Do I owe an apology?
Yes I apologized for my selfish behavior which Craig told me scared away frank and jack, kept my mouth shut to apologize to say hello to Alexis shoralan employee advocating for my banning but kept my mouth shut and then with Cindy shut up waited for ed slater or David gray to arrive so I could gracefully leave

Did I keep something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once?
That I thought she was heading to the 20:00 aa meeting but she skipped cause she saw me & presumed that as we were sitting together and that was an invite to converse.

Was I kind and loving toward all?
No but respectful to cindys ask to s**u stopped talking with Craig and stopped Chatting with Alexis

What could I have done better?
Not shared in conversation

Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Or was I thinking of what I could do for others, of what I could pack into the stream of life?
I was talking thinking about myself by conversing about interesting topics of relevance to commuters as well as community affairs. These were such I found relevance about even to her need to p*e behind a 7-11 dumpster and she interjected that I should stop talking, because what can I do besides just say the serenity prayer and give it to god. To which I said well I feel I can ALWAYS help be the change that I want to see in the world cause couldnā€™t I help shed light on the affiar by spreading the movement about how it affects night shift commuters like myself (to Amazon) and her right now by her need to defecate outside.

Write down anything else below that should be included in the days inventory:
Character defects
Self importance
Self justification
Self Importance
Impatience
Intolerance
Inconsiderate
Frightened
Fear
Dishonesty

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