02/06/2023
Today marks not only my late grandmother’s birthday, but also four years since the passing of my first patient. I hope they’ve connected in the afterlife as both were two amazing, strong women. I want to share what I originally posted as the lesson still rings true:
“This time is hard, but I am reassured that I should be here for these moments. Moving to Boston for new opportunities meant sacrifice. […] Blood, sweat, and tears were the bare minimum. But I've also gained more than I can imagine. My relationships that I have developed with my clients feed my soul. Knowing that I am able to provide a healing space for those who are living in their last stages of life, those dying and those who are grieving has allowed me to feel everything deeply without fear. I can now be in a place to look my own grief in the eye and embrace it.
I often look back at the loss in my life, that is the pessimist in me. While this is not the way it is suggested we live, this reflection is what allows me to relate to those going through similar experiences. It allows me to offer a helping hand, a hand I didn't always have. This choice to serve this hurting population comes from my own suffering. To heal, one must allow their pain to exist. One cannot work with something that they pretend isn't there. And I've learned that pain is malleable. It can be shaped and changed by it's owner. It can look different every day, and it can be survived. This lesson was only learned through loss, and this is the first time I have accepted loss as worth it.”
Loss and trauma shape us just as much as faith and joy. I know all have made me who I am today. The incredibly deep feeler, the empath, the giver, the curious, the scared, and the brave. While it’s easy to wish some of the things I went through never happened, and accepting that in many ways they shouldn’t have, each made me the resilient, loving woman I am.
What experiences in your life shaped you?