01/19/2023
A secure relationship is a radical act of resistance is a patriarchal society.
A patriarchy is structured upon male dominance over female. The structure is founded on power and control. It constructs a superiority of one gender over another and perpetuates a binary of gender because of the either/or superior/inferior it forces. A patriarchy maintains its structure through physical emotional and psychological violence.
These are the waters we swim in whether we have awareness or not. And these dynamics play out in every level of society, from institutions to communities to families to individuals. In the colonized world we live in, most relationships play out these dynamics of power and control, in big and small ways. Women doing the unpaid domestic labor, women carrying the mental load, gaslighting, not believing women, double standards, the wage gap, r**e culture, s*xual, physical, and emotional abuse, the list goes on.
But in a secure relationship, there is shared power. There is mutual respect. The relationship empowers both parties to have the freedom to live their fullest lives. It undermines the patriarchal expectation of power and control of women, of one person having more power and the other having less agency.
A secure relationship RESISTS patriarchy; it shines a light on a different way that is possible to relate to each other and the world where we can share power and resources and where loving each other means giving each other the freedom to be who we are without it threatening our egos.
THIS IS WHY SECURE ATTACHMENT IS SO HARD. THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO WORK AT IT. IT WILL FEEL RADICALLY DIFFERENT THAN ANYTHING ELSE WEVE HAD. IT IS CARVING AN UNCHARTED PATH THAT PATRIARCHY DOESNT WANT US TO KNOW ABOUT.
Phew 😮💨 this is my birthday rant 🥰🌈💗and it feels gooood to shout form the rooftops. Please share and spread far and wide!
It takes inner healing work to resist patriarchal conditioning and create secure, empowering relationships. DM me 🌈 if you’re interested in exploring attachment based therapy to feel more secure in yourself as you pursue a secure romantic relationship.