Dr. Lauren Smithee: PhD, LMFT

07/16/2026

Stonewalling is one of the Four Horsemen that relationship researcher, ​John Gottman identified as most destructive to couples. When your partner shuts down mid-conversation and goes silent, it can feel like rejection or like they just don't care. However, stonewalling is rarely about not caring. It's usually a sign of emotional flooding, when the nervous system becomes so overwhelmed that the brain essentially goes offline. The person isn't choosing to shut you out. They've hit a wall they can't think their way past it. I wrote a new article about what's really happening when your partner shuts down and how both of you can break the pattern.

Learn why your partner shuts down during conflict, what stonewalling, one of the four horsemen really means, and how to break the cycle. By Dr. Lauren Smithee, Gottman-trained couples therapist.

07/07/2026

A good apology is more than saying "I'm sorry." It's acknowledging what you did, taking responsibility without excuses, showing empathy for how your partner felt, and committing to do better. If apologies in your relationship tend to fall flat or make things worse, this one's for you.

Learn how to apologize in a way that actually repairs hurt and rebuilds trust. A step-by-step guide from Dr. Lauren Smithee, couples therapist in Utah and California.

07/03/2026

In couples therapy, one of the most common patterns I see is the anxious-avoidant attachment cycle. One partner needs closeness to feel safe while the other needs space. The more one partner pursues, the more the other withdraws. It's painful for both people, and it's not anyone's fault. I wrote a new article on what's really happening and how to break the pattern.

Stuck in the anxious-avoidant attachment cycle? Learn why this push-pull pattern happens, what each partner feels, and how to break free and build relationship security.

06/04/2026

Pulling away when things get close. Craving connection but feeling suffocated by intimacy. Sound familiar? That might be avoidant attachment.

Learn the signs of avoidant attachment, including deactivating strategies and withdrawal patterns. Understand where these patterns come from and how to build more secure relationships.

05/25/2026

Needing reassurance. Fearing abandonment. Struggling to trust that things are okay. Sound familiar? It could be anxious attachment.

Learn to recognize anxious attachment, including activating strategies and protest behaviors. Understand where these patterns come from and how to build more secure relationships.

05/20/2026

Ever wonder why conflicts escalate so fast? It might be the Four Horsemen. Here's how to recognize and interrupt the cycle.

Learn to recognize the Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and how to stop these patterns from damaging your relationship. From a Gottman-trained couples therapist.

02/21/2026

Do you keep saying you'll work on your relationship when life slows down? I wrote about why that rarely happens and how therapy can fit into a busy schedule. I offer virtual couples therapy in Utah and California.
https://www.deeplyrootedtherapy.net/couples-therapy-busy-professionals

12/31/2025

Painful experiences with transphobia can have a lasting impact. I wrote about what gender trauma can look like and how EMDR can help. I offer virtual EMDR for trans clients in Utah and California.
https://www.deeplyrootedtherapy.net/healing-gender-trauma

12/19/2025

Now accepting California clients!

I'm a q***r, PhD-level therapist offering virtual couples therapy, LGBTQ-affirming care, and trans-affirming therapy throughout California. I use Gottman Method and EMDR to help partners reconnect, strengthen their attachment, communicate, and heal.

Evenings and weekend mornings available. Free 15-minute consultations.

Couples Therapy in California | Deeply Rooted Therapy

Virtual couples therapy throughout California. PhD-level marriage therapist using Gottman Method to help partners communicate, resolve conflict, and reconnect

01/16/2025

Rebuilding trust in a relationship isn’t easy, but it is possible. The ATTUNE Method, from the Gottman Institute, offers a guide for couples to rebuild trust and deepen emotional intimacy.

Ready to heal and grow together? Start transforming your relationship today with expert guidance from Dr. Lauren Smithee.

💫 Read the full article here:

Dr. Lauren Smithee, a licensed marriage and family therapist teaches about the Gottman Method technique for building trust.