Tondre Therapeutics

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Bozeman, MT
Tondre Therapeutics

Welcome to Tondre Therapeutic Coaching + Consulting's newest program: THE ADOPTIVE AND FOSTER PARENT TRAUMA TRANSFORMATION.

Keli Tondre and her team supports adoptive and foster parents who have experienced trauma in their parenting journey.

06/04/2026

Our sweet Toulah is nearing the end of her life.

She has advanced heart disease. She still wags her tail when we walk through the door. She still enjoys being with us. And every once in a while, she surprises us with a burst of energy that makes us forget, for a moment, how much things have changed.

Over the last few months, I've found myself holding two truths at the same time: she is still here, and she is also not well.

As I've sat with that tension, I've thought about how often I've sat with a similar tension as a parent.

A child can be deeply loved and still hurting.

A parent can be doing everything possible and still not be able to make things better, to undo a hurt their child has experienced or replace a parent they long for.

There can be moments of joy, connection, and hope while something important is also profoundly sad.

One of the hardest things we are ever asked to do in this life is stop arguing with reality and begin accepting it.

Acceptance is not the same thing as hopelessness. It is simply the willingness to see clearly what is here, to feel it, to welcome it—to recognize the pain in moments of suffering and joy when glimmers of light and love shine brightly 🤍

Lately, this has been my work: to appreciate the moments that are still good and to grieve what is changing. I am trying to be present to both at the same time.

And to remember that love and grief are not opposites. More often than not, grief is simply what love feels like when something precious is changing.

06/02/2026

There is a question I ask parents sometimes:
Who were you before all of this?
Before the appointments, the school meetings, the therapies, the endless research, the advocacy, the crises, the sleepless nights, and the constant feeling that something else is about to happen.
The answers are often surprisingly emotional.
"I used to laugh more."
"I used to have hobbies."
"I used to be spontaneous."
"I used to enjoy being around people."
One of the hardest parts of chronic stress is that it happens slowly. We adapt to it. We accommodate it. We survive it. And before long, we can hardly remember what it felt like to live differently.
If you've found yourself grieving parts of who you used to be, you're not alone.

05/27/2026

So proud of my brother and his team at DeliverFund. Did you know an estimated 60% of all persons who are trafficked in the US have a history in the foster care system?

05/18/2026

Most of the focus in parenting conversations is on the child’s behavior, but what actually drives change in your home is what happens inside of you when their challenging behaviors show up.

A lot of parents are carrying a significant amount of anger. Not just in the big moments, but in the accumulation of repeated stress, things not working, and the ongoing pressure of trying to hold everything together. That anger makes sense, but it doesn’t stay contained. It starts to shape how you respond.

What usually happens next is that parents move toward more control. They become more directive, more corrective, and more urgent in how they try to manage what’s happening. The intention is to stop the behavior and create stability, but the impact is often—unfortunately—the opposite. The child experiences that increase in control as pressure, and pressure escalates their nervous system rather than settling it.

This is where many families get stuck. The parent’s anger leads to more control, the child reacts to that control, and both become more dysregulated over time. From the outside it looks like a behavior problem, but underneath it is a pattern of reactivity on both sides.

What creates change is not simply using a different parenting strategy with your child. It is learning how to recognize and work with your own anger (and, importantly, any and all other emotions that you notice) so it does not drive your response.

It's a process but one well worth your effort.

05/14/2026

A lot of parents tell me they feel like they’re barely holding it together: “I might feel like I’m having a panic attack, but no one would even know.” That internal experience matters more than most approaches account for. It's worsened by the fact that you may be left feeling more isolated because of that panic.
One of the most effective things we work on is increasing your ability to come back to a calm state after stressful event with your child. Not instantly, but faster. That might look like stepping away for a few minutes, using something regulating (movement, quiet, even petting your dog—co-regulation is powerful), and then re-engaging. Over time, your recovery window shortens, and that has the power to change dynamics in your home for the better.

05/10/2026

Mother’s Day can be a really tender day for a lot of the parents I talk to. Personally, it marked one of the darkest days of my life as we wrestled through a deeply painful parenting experience.
There’s love for your child, of course. That’s never in question. But there can also be exhaustion, frustration, and sometimes even a quiet sense of grief for what you thought parenting would look like.
I’ve had so many conversations with parents who say some version of, “I know I love my child… but I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
If that’s been true for you at any point, you’re in good company.
What I see over and over again is not a lack of love or commitment (if anything, I see a commitment that is relentless and can contribute to exhaustion). Instead, it’s the impact of living in a constant state of stress. When your body is always bracing, always trying to manage the next thing, it starts to change how you show up—whether you want it to or not.
This work isn’t about trying harder or learning another new parenting technique. It’s about helping your nervous system come out of that chronic state so you can actually access the version of yourself you want to be with your child... and in all the other important parts of your life.
Because when you feel more steady, more regulated and more like yourself, your responses shift in a way that no script or technique can create on its own.
If you are a mom, my prayer for you is that today you would feel seen, understood and—more than anything—appreciated for all you're doing and all you're carrying.

05/04/2026

Most of the parents I work with are not lacking effort. They’ve done therapy, read the books, and learned what they’re supposed to say in the moment. But when something actually happens, it falls apart. One parent said it clearly: “We know how to say or do the right thing, but inside, we might not be feeling that.” That’s the gap traditional approaches don’t address. If your nervous system is overwhelmed, you don’t have access to those tools—you’ll either react or shut down.
What I help parents do instead is build awareness of what state they’re in before they try to change anything. If you can start to notice, “I’m getting activated” or “I’m starting to shut down,” you interrupt the pattern earlier. That’s where change begins—not with a better script, but with a different internal state.

05/02/2026

Many parents who reach out to me feel stuck in a pattern of stress, guilt, and self doubt.
They are trying very hard to do the right things for their child, but internally they feel like they are failing because of their own reactions. They may feel anxious, frustrated, or angry and then they judge themselves for having those emotions in the first place.
One parent recently shared this with me:
"This has been life changing for me... In the past I have felt guilty for having ‘negative’ emotions like anxiety or anger. Reframing that toward acceptance and realizing those emotions are trying to help me is life changing."
This is an important shift for many parents.
When parents stop treating their emotions as something shameful and begin understanding them as signals from the nervous system, they start responding to themselves differently. Instead of feeling like they are failing, they begin to recognize that their mind and body have been trying to protect them during a very stressful season of life.
That change in perspective is often the beginning of real healing.

04/17/2026

"There’s so much chaos, and I can’t fix it, but I also can’t escape it."

Maybe you can relate to a parent who said this recently, because this is the place where many parents feel trapped. They know they are reacting in ways they do not want to, but in the moment, their body is already activated. Once that happens, access to patience, clarity, and connection becomes limited. This is not about willpower or discipline. It is about how your nervous system is automatically responding to ongoing stress, and until that shifts, you will continue to feel like you are trying harder without getting different results.

The key is to work with your nervous system. This isn't selfish, but actually can be the best thing for your whole family.

Address

141 Discovery Drive
Bozeman, MT
59718

Website

http://tondretherapeutics.com/

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