05/20/2025
We are all seeing the daily headlines about Diddy's allegations of s*xual abuse towards others. How do we process hearing it ourselves? What should we be saying to our own tweens and teens? Know that potentially at their ages, the internet is giving them summaries and persepectives. I imagine most if not all parents would like to at least be included in the conversation with their tweens and teens about this content versus their teen only getting information through online resources. Parents sometimes fear that talking to their kids about s*x means they have to talk about EVERYTHING they know. Good news, that is not needed at all. Instead, ideally, age appropriate information is shared. The following website offers some great guidance too on what that actually looks like.
The Mama Bear Effect provides many resources and talking points for parents: www.themamabeareffect.org
Use medically accurate terms for body parts and s*x acts. Acknowledge that curiosity about this case is normal. The news has defined "freak offs" in their coverage at times. Consider offering to your teen that real life/average love, s*x and intimacy is not reflective in how "freak offs" are described in this court case. Then consider exploring these issues as related to pornographic images and content:
Consent: Did the people in the pictures or story look/sound like they’d both agreed to the s*x act? Did one participant appear to be coercing or otherwise threatening the other? Impart the healthy value that in real life all s*x requires explicit consent.
Emotions: What feelings did the people in the images/story seem to be experiencing? Make it clear that that the emotions associated with s*x should be love, affection, warmth, and respect.
Intimacy: No matter what was going on in the image/story, the very fact that it was being recorded and shared shows that there was not intimacy; share that healthy s*xuality is an expression of deeply private and intimate feelings between consenting partners.
Arousal: Involuntary physical arousal from viewing s*xual images may leave a youngster both exhilarated and shamed. Sexual arousal is instinctual and autonomic, and people of any age may find their body responding with arousal to an image they intellectually find repulsive. A discussion about the feelings associated with the arousal caused by the sight the pornographic image will break the secrecy and with it the power the images have over the child’s perception of s*x.
Research has shown that the human brain does not complete development until our 20s to maybe even 30s. The frontal lobe, the part of the brain that manages impulse control, judgment, insight, and emotional control is still working to make neural connections that help us understand the consequence...
