07/04/2026
Over the years, I have learned that many people aren't afraid of being present... they are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.
If someone you love is dying, or someone you care about is grieving, here are a few gentle reminders that may help.
🤍 Don't be afraid to say the words death, dying, or died. While we all use different language, trying to soften reality with phrases like "passed away" or "transitioning" can sometimes make difficult conversations even harder. You can say the words without being hurtful. And you can also ask them what they are more comfortable with. Some might want the difficult truths said honestly, some might want them softened.
🤍 When medications are being given at the end of life, remember that these medications are meant to ease discomfort, not hasten death. Sometimes the body needs more time than we expect, sometimes it needs more medication. Trust that the body knows what to do, it will let go when it's ready. With or without medications, it follows its own timeline. Our role is often to just wait.
🤍 Keep talking. Hearing is believed to be one of the last senses to fade. Even if they cannot respond, your voice, your touch, and your presence still matter more than you may ever know. Their awareness is heightened, so they feel you, they know you are there. Trust that.
🤍 Try not to say, "I know how you feel." Even when our experiences are similar, no two people experience loss the same way. We don’t know how they feel. Instead, ask, "What do you need from me today?" Or, simply be the kind of listener that offers a safe place for them to be vulnerable, afraid, curious, and honest... listen not to fix, but to validate their words, and help them to feel heard and held.
🤍 Be mindful of well-intentioned phrases like, "They are in a better place," "At least they are not suffering," or "You knew this was coming." These words usually come from a place of love, but they come from our perspective, not theirs. Sometimes the greatest gift is simply listening without trying to make the pain smaller. And remember, despite knowing this day would come, when that last breath is taken, it is as though they had no idea it was coming.
You don't have to have the perfect words.
You don't have to fix anything.
Your presence is enough.
If you would like more practical end-of-life guidance, my book "End-of-Life Tips" explores many of these topics in greater detail.
You can find it here: https://a.co/d/0e7DXN8b
xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net
