09/16/2026
As Iāve been preparing for another school year of walking with the next generation, I found myself asking Godā¦
What are You doing in this?
Because if Iām being honestā¦ Iām feeling a little bit like I donāt belong in this world that Iāve found myself in.
And when I say world, I meanā¦ serving in my local church.
Iām trying to still make sense in my mind of the little girl that used to love these pewsā¦ and what happened to her when she didnāt realize that she was choosing the world over Him.
Not that many years ago, we were living in our car.
And what started as a picture-perfect, Instagram-worthy lifeā¦ left us both living on the streets in LA, with no money and wondering how the heck we had gotten here.
And so, excuse me when Iām still trying to understand how this lifeā¦ that Iām living right nowā¦ is mine. š„²
I think it speaks to the heart of redemption and reconciliationā¦ and the heart of our Father who loves to love on His own.
And while I donāt always feel worthy of that loveā¦ I canāt deny that He has been at work in my life.
But thereās something else Iāve been realizing.
Becoming aware of your wounds doesnāt mean youāve healed them.
I did a lot of becoming aware of myself in the New Age.
I dug into my past. I learned the language of wounds and patterns and trauma. I became very aware of the places in me that hurt.
But awareness and healing are not the same thing.
And somehow, walking with the next generation is helping God heal parts of my own heart that needed someone to see that I was hurting.
Parts of me that were desperate to be seen.
To be known.
To be loved.
And maybe thatās part of what Heās doing in this.
Because the voice of the enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy what I know God has ordained me to do.
Speak life into the next generation and truly allow him to break-chains. āļøāš„
Show them that a life with Christ is more than enough, and that the world will never satisfy them.
I knowā¦ because I put myself at risk continually trying to find satisfaction within that place.
Only to be let down, and left for dead.
I know some reading this will be like, āWow, that is so dramatic.ā
But from a spiritual place, I was. š
I was looking for something in all of the wrong places.
And while much of my story has fallen at my own fault, I have also struggled with trying to forgive the church that spiritually did not prepare me for the world I was about to endure.
And so, despite every shortcoming in my lifeā¦ every heartbreak, every moment of questioning, every doubtā¦
I look at the next generation, and I see the future of the church. ā¤ļøāš„āŖļø
I see young people desiring to know Jesus more.
I see young hearts yearning to be loved and accepted.
I see leaders who still feel like they havenāt moved past āJesus loves meā theology.
I see myself, as a little girl, in love with Jesusā¦ and desperate to stay near.
As we prepare for new kids and families to walk into our church for the first time, I pray, God, that we would be a place that would show the redemptive love that comes from a life with Christ.
That You have made a way when it truly seems that there is no way.
And although I feel like an imposter in my own lifeā¦ I will trust the One who has made a way.
Because for me, laying down my life for themā¦ has been worth it.
It has been difficult. Straining & Stretching.
And I pray that they wonāt fall into the same temptation to look for You in the things of this world.
But that they would look for You in all of the right places.
Because itās more than silly dress-up days.
Itās more than Wednesday nights.
Itās more than crafts and games and snacks.
Itās seeds being planted in deep, rich, life-giving soil.
And we may not see what grows from them today.
But I trust the One who planted them.
šš±āļøāš„ā¤ļøāš„
