08/17/2026
Contemplating Change? Change is a process. Whether it is ending a relationship, changing a career, changing eating habits, buying a new car, etc., with change there is almost always internal conflict, fear and real loss. There are stages of change and it can be helpful to know what stage you are in.
The pre-contemplation stage of change is when there is no desire for change. It is the contemplation stage in which most people become stuck. Once an individual beings to contemplate the potential value of change, that nasty game of tug-of-war, that internal conflict, begins. One part of the self desires the change and another part is resistant to it. This can be quite an unpleasant place to be. This internal conflict makes it difficult to be pleased with how things are because the benefits of change have been identified.
Yet it is often difficult to move forward due to the potential loss involved. The losses can include but are not limited to; certainty, predictability, control, people/places or things, a vision of the future and the part of the identity that has become attached to the relationship, career, eating habits, car, etc. At times loss must be mourned, but ultimately the question that must be asked is “Will this change allow me to live a more complete and authentic life?”
You might ask what it means to “live authentically”. Living authentically means that you pursue your true interests, behave in alignment with your values and, more often than not, you fully express how you feel and what you think.
If you are contemplating a change, authenticity and completeness are good measures of whether the change is an opportunity for growth.
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