05/28/2026
Well said! 🙌 SmallTalk Speech & Language Therapy
I’m in a meeting later today where a headteacher has essentially said that anxious autistic children and young people need “toughening up” because “the outside world won’t mollycoddle them.” The child we are meeting about is 14, autistic and has selective mutism.
This attitude is not only outdated, it is dangerous.
Autistic children who are highly anxious are not failing because they have been supported too much. They are often surviving environments that overwhelm their nervous systems every single day. Many are already functioning far beyond their window of tolerance just to get through the school day.
What some adults call “resilience building” is too often actually repeated exposure to distress without safety, understanding or appropriate support.
You do not teach a child to swim by holding their head underwater.
The evidence base around autism, anxiety, sensory processing, masking and nervous system overwhelm is extensive. We know that chronic stress impacts cognition, language processing, executive functioning, emotional regulation and physical health. We know that autistic young people are at significantly increased risk of school trauma, burnout, self-harm and mental health crises.
Children do not become resilient because adults ignore their distress. They become resilient when they experience safety, connection, co-regulation, understanding and appropriately scaffolded support.
The “real world” argument also misses the point entirely. The outside world SHOULD become more accessible, informed and humane. Autistic children should not have to endure harm simply because some adults refuse to adapt.
A truly skilled educator does not break children down in the name of preparing them for life. They build environments where children can develop trust, confidence, autonomy and genuine emotional safety.
There is a profound difference between support and “mollycoddling.” Too many professionals still do not understand it.
I will need to draw on all my reserves of patience to remain calm and polite while trying to explain for the umpeenth time why he is wrong.