Dr. Amanda Long

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Dr. Amanda Long Black psychologist | Founder of Black Women in Color | Helping Black women heal, thrive & build community

Not every intense relationship is a trauma bond.Sometimes you meet someone and the connection is immediate. You talk all...
09/22/2026

Not every intense relationship is a trauma bond.

Sometimes you meet someone and the connection is immediate. You talk all night. Things move fast. You feel deeply connected. Maybe the relationship is messy, emotional, or difficult to walk away from.

None of those things, by themselves, make it a trauma bond.

A trauma bond can develop in an abusive or coercive relationship where harm is repeatedly followed by affection, apologies, promises, relief, or reconciliation. Over time, that cycle can actually strengthen the attachment to the person causing the harm.

That distinction matters.

Because “trauma bond” isn’t another way of saying toxic relationship, we were obsessed with each other, or we went through a lot together.

And calling something what it actually is doesn’t make your experience any less real.

Something can be unhealthy, painful, confusing, or hard to leave without being a trauma bond.

We don’t need to make every difficult experience a diagnosis or psychological label in order to take it seriously.

Follow me for more mental health conversations that bring clarity—not more labels.

09/21/2026

Am I tripping?! 😂 Should we stop calling our friends’ kids our kids’ “cousins”? Because wait… are we accidentally eliminating future options?! 😂😂

It’s lowkey giving arranged family relationships.

Help me out, y’all! Are your best friend’s kids automatically your kids’ cousins, or nah?! 👀😂

Healthy relationships don’t just require finding the right people.They require becoming someone who can:communicate.repa...
09/18/2026

Healthy relationships don’t just require finding the right people.

They require becoming someone who can:

communicate.
repair.
receive feedback.
take accountability.
make room for someone else’s needs.

The relationship you want will require something from you, too.

We’ve gotten a little too comfortable calling everything gaslighting.Someone remembering a conversation differently? Gas...
09/17/2026

We’ve gotten a little too comfortable calling everything gaslighting.

Someone remembering a conversation differently? Gaslighting.

Someone disagreeing with how you experienced something? Gaslighting.

Someone saying, “That’s not what I meant”? Gaslighting.

But disagreement and gaslighting are not the same thing.

Two people can experience the exact same interaction differently. Someone can be defensive. Someone can invalidate your feelings. Someone can even be wrong about what happened.

That doesn’t automatically make it gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a pattern of distorting or denying someone’s reality in a way that causes them to question their own memory, perception, or judgment.

And naming that difference matters.

Not because your feelings aren’t valid if you weren’t gaslit—but because we don’t need a clinical or psychological label for something to have hurt us.

Sometimes, “that hurt me,” “I felt dismissed,” or “we experienced that differently” is enough.

We can validate our experiences without mislabeling them.

Follow me for more mental health conversations that bring clarity—not more labels.

09/09/2026

Before a therapist diagnoses you, we’re looking at 3 things.

Because having a feeling doesn’t automatically mean you have a disorder.

You’re human. You’re supposed to have feelings.

So what are we actually paying attention to?
1️⃣. Duration
How long have you felt this way?
2️⃣. Intensity
How intense are these emotions?
3️⃣. Impairment
Is this getting in the way of your daily life?

That’s the difference.

It’s not just “I feel anxious, so I must have anxiety.” We’re looking at how long it’s been happening, how intense it is, and how much it’s affecting your ability to live your life.

And if you’re listening to this thinking, “Okay… but how do I know if what I’m experiencing crosses that line?”
That’s exactly what a licensed clinician can help you figure out. Check out the link in my bio to schedule a consultation.

09/08/2026

We’ve gotten really good at naming what we feel — and honestly, I love that for us. But not every discomfort is a diagnosis. Feeling nervous in a new place doesn’t mean you have an anxiety disorder. Wanting to clean up a mess doesn’t mean you have OCD. It means you’re human — and humans feel things. That’s actually a good sign.

Part 2 is coming: what we as clinicians actually look for when diagnosing a mental health disorder. Drop a “2” in the comments if you want it.

You take care of everybody. But when was the last time you made sure you were on that list? 👀💜For the next 29 days, we’r...
09/02/2026

You take care of everybody. But when was the last time you made sure you were on that list? 👀💜

For the next 29 days, we’re changing that.

Starting September 1st, I’m challenging us to do one intentional act of care for ourselves every single day. Nothing elaborate. Nothing performative. And definitely no pressure to have the perfect self-care routine.

I’ll be doing it right alongside you inside the BWIC Broadcast Channel—sharing daily prompts, checking in, and giving us a space to hold each other accountable.

Because sometimes self-care isn’t a spa day. Sometimes it’s resting without explaining yourself. Asking for help. Saying no. Calling somebody who makes you feel safe. Or simply asking yourself, “What do I need today?”

💜 Save this post for the self-care check-in on Slide 3.

💜 Send it to a woman you want to do the challenge with.
💜 Join the BWIC Broadcast Channel its not too late

We pour into everybody else enough, sis.

For the next 29 days, let’s pour some of that back into us.

08/31/2026

You’ve poured into everybody else all year. September is YOUR turn. 💜

30 days. One intentional act of self-care every day.

Self-Care September starts September 1st inside my Broadcast Channel.

Come pour back into YOU. 💜

Comment “Self-care” for the 🔗 or join in my bio💕

Healing doesn’t always feel like progress.Sometimes it feels like grieving who you used to be while learning who you’re ...
08/28/2026

Healing doesn’t always feel like progress.

Sometimes it feels like grieving who you used to be while learning who you’re becoming.

You can miss her and still know you can’t go back. 💜
Be proud of how far you’ve come — even if you’re still becoming.

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Chicago, IL

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