Carolyn Cole, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

08/09/2026

One of the beautiful things about a long-term relationship is that you never really stop getting to know each other.

We continue to grow, change, develop new dreams, face new challenges, and see the world differently. Staying curious about your partner helps you stay connected to the person they are today—not only the person you first fell in love with.

What’s one question you could ask your partner today? ❤️

🌟If you live in Illinois and are interested in couples or premarital counseling, the link to learn more about working with me is in my bio.

07/29/2026

Change isn’t always easy. Our minds and nervous systems naturally gravitate toward what’s familiar, even when those patterns no longer serve us.

One of the goals of therapy isn’t to push you into change before you’re ready. It’s to help you understand what’s keeping you stuck, strengthen your capacity to navigate discomfort, and make choices that align with the life you’re working toward.

🌟Where is the self you’re becoming asking you to step out of your comfort zone and into growth?

07/18/2026

Self-compassion isn’t about pretending everything is okay or avoiding accountability. It’s about responding to yourself with the same understanding and encouragement you’d offer someone you love.

When we stop fighting ourselves, we create space to learn, heal, and grow. Self-compassion helps quiet shame, supports our nervous system, and makes it easier to take the next step forward, even when we’ve made mistakes.

Today, on International Self-Compassion Day, take a moment to notice how you’re speaking to yourself. If your inner voice has been harsh, ask yourself:

“What would change if I responded to myself with kindness instead of criticism?”

Today’s self-compassion practice:
The next time you notice your inner critic, pause and ask, “What would I say to someone I love if they were in this exact situation?” Then offer yourself those same words.

07/13/2026

This comic by Kim Casali made me smile because it captures such an important truth. ❤️

Healthy relationships aren’t about never having problems; they’re about learning how to work through them together.

Whether you’re dating, engaged, or married, investing in your relationship before you’re in crisis can strengthen communication, deepen connection, and help you navigate life’s challenges as a team.

Just like we invest in our physical health, our careers, or our homes, our relationships deserve that same intentional care.

The strongest relationships aren’t perfect—they’re nurtured.

If this resonates, I’m currently accepting new Illinois clients. Link to learn more: https://peoplepsych.com/carolyn-cole-ma-lcpc/

07/03/2026

I’ve become increasingly fascinated by neuroscience — especially the way the brain can change, adapt, and create new pathways over time.

This is one of the reasons I find neuroplasticity so hopeful, both personally and in the therapy room.

Neuroplasticity is part of how we learn new things, build habits, and adapt over time. It’s also part of why certain thoughts, emotional reactions, nervous system responses, and relationship patterns can start to feel automatic.

The brain strengthens what it repeatedly practices, whether that’s a skill, a habit, a fear response, or an old story about ourselves.

But automatic does not mean permanent.

Through awareness, repetition, nervous system regulation, and practicing new ways of thinking, responding, and relating, the brain can begin to build a new path.

Therapy can support this process by helping us notice old patterns, understand where they came from, and practice new responses with more compassion and intention.

What has been wired in can be rewired one small shift at a time. ❤️

07/01/2026

I came across this article on EFT/tapping and appreciated this line: “You’re not reasoning your way past the fear; you’re intervening at the level where the fear lives.”

Fear doesn’t only live in our thoughts. When the brain’s threat system is activated, the nervous system can respond as if danger is happening now — even when we logically know we’re safe.

The article describes tapping as a way to work with the body’s alarm response, including reductions in amygdala activity, a weakening of old fear pathways, and activating the parasympathetic nervous system (which helps calm the fight/flight response). The brain learns that certain memories no longer require a threat response.

When clients are curious about somatic-based tools (practices that work with the body and nervous system), EFT/tapping is one tool I incorporate to support regulation and emotional processing. It's an approach that's been found to be especially effective with PTSD, depression, anxiety, phobias, pain with an emotional component, cravings, and deeply held limiting self beliefs.

It's fascinating how it works! I'm sharing the article for those who have access to Psychotherapy Networker.

Energy psychology's Emotional Freedom Techniques, or tapping, is gaining traction as an evidence-backed therapy that reduces trauma and more.

06/27/2026

I really appreciate this perspective from Frank Anderson, MD, and just love his work, too. So often, people enter therapy hoping healing will mean they’ll never be triggered again, and sometimes feeling like they have slid backwards in their work if they do become activated. However, healing is usually less about becoming “untouchable” and more about building capacity.

From an Internal Family Systems lens, old parts of us may still get activated, especially around fear, protection, shame, or hurt. The difference is that over time, we may begin to notice them sooner, respond with more compassion, and choose differently.

Healing doesn’t mean nothing affects us anymore. It means we have more space, more self-trust, and more ability to meet ourselves differently when something does. ❤️

06/26/2026

Weddings are a beautiful celebration filled with excitement, anticipation, and hope for the future. But while the wedding lasts a day, the marriage is built over a lifetime.

Strong relationships rarely happen by accident. They grow through intentional conversations, learning how to navigate conflict, repairing after misunderstandings, creating emotional safety, strengthening your friendship, having fun together, and choosing each other again and again. Healthy marriages are built through intentional care and a willingness to grow together.

Whether you’re engaged, newly married, or have been together for decades, it’s never too early—or too late—to strengthen the foundation of your relationship.

❤️ Sometimes the greatest investment you can make is in the relationship itself.

As a couples therapist, one of my favorite parts of this work is helping couples build the skills that allow love to grow long after the wedding day.

The link to learn more about working with me is: https://peoplepsych.com/carolyn-cole-ma-lcpc/

💍

06/21/2026

This Father’s Day, I wanted to take a moment to recognize something that often goes unspoken: men’s mental health.

Many men have received messages about being strong, handling things on their own, and keeping difficult emotions to themselves. Perhaps it’s time to make room for a different message.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or simply not like yourself lately, therapy can provide a space to explore what’s going on and find support.

I am currently accepting new clients for virtual therapy in Illinois. Connect with me: https://peoplepsych.com/carolyn-cole-ma-lcpc/

Happy Father’s Day. 💙

06/20/2026

It can be tempting to believe that not feeling is easier than feeling.

And in some ways, this may be true, especially in the short term.

Yet avoiding emotions doesn't necessarily make them disappear. Often, they continue to influence our choices, reactions, relationships, and sense of self in ways we may not fully recognize.

In my latest blog, I explore why healing can sometimes feel harder before it feels easier, why emotions may surface as we begin reconnecting with ourselves, and several practical strategies that can help make the process feel more manageable.

Many people begin a healing journey because they want to feel better. What can come as a surprise is that healing often involves feeling more before feeling better. Whether you’re participati…