Tommy Mattera - Therapist and Men's Mental Health Specialist

08/20/2026

“Put on the dress.”

It’s a strange sentence I’ve found myself using with men in my therapy office.

Not literally.

Sometimes a man will describe behavior from his wife or girlfriend that is controlling, humiliating, threatening, or abusive, and then immediately begin explaining why it doesn’t really count.

So I ask him to change one thing about the story.

Put on the dress.

Imagine a woman sitting across from me describing the exact same behavior from her husband.

Would we still be searching this hard for another explanation?

This week in From A Deep Well, I’m writing about the difficulty men can have recognizing abuse when they’re the ones experiencing it, and the cultural scripts that can make some behavior almost invisible when the genders are reversed.

Why men struggle to recognize abuse when they are the ones receiving it

05/25/2026

I've started a Substack. Check it out!

In here is a struggle.

04/02/2025

Wanted to share a quick update on the work I’m doing.

I’m a therapist based here in California, and I work almost exclusively with men — guys who are showing up for their families, grinding through long work days, or just trying to keep it together when life throws curveballs.

Lately, a lot of my focus has been on working with law enforcement and first responders. These are the men who carry a ton, often quietly, and don’t always have space to talk about the impact of what they see and deal with on the job.

If that sounds like you — or someone you care about — know that I get it. I’m here for real conversations, not judgment or psychobabble. Just grounded support that fits your world.

If you want to talk more, feel free to reach out. No pressure.

Call or text: 530-228-2723
tommymatteramft.com
California-based, fully confidential

07/04/2024

It's been a while since I posted about my work!

I provide specialized therapy services for men, focusing on emotional understanding, relationship challenges, and personal growth.

I also work with young men ages 16-22 with a particular emphasis on helping them navigate the complex transition they are facing as they enter adulthood! I'm passionate about the work I get to do on a daily basis!

If you know anyone that needs this sort of support, send them my way!!

02/27/2024

The intricate dance between our hearts and minds holds the key to unlocking a deeper understanding of ourselves. With HRV as our guide, we embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing. By embracing the wisdom encoded in our heart rhythms, we gain access to a wealth of insights about our mental and emotional well-being.

As we continue to explore the science behind HRV, we uncover practical strategies for nurturing our inner harmony. Together, let's harness the power of HRV to cultivate resilience, balance, and vitality in our lives. Stay tuned for more insights and inspiration on this transformative journey. "