12/01/2024
For those of you who really know me, you all know it’s been a tough year. Quite a few challenges and big changes came along this year, although the toughest was losing my dad. That’s a whole different kind of loss. I had a hard time posting this year and in general took a big step back from work and life. I was conflicted in finding gratitude today despite rationally knowing how much I do have to be grateful for and I had to sit with myself really hard to feel gratitude, not just think of it intellectually. I realized, It wasn’t my brain that forgot. It was my body that forgot. My body forgot the feeling of safety over the last year. I forgot feeling appreciated, I forgot what feeling thankful was. I forgot feeling joy and pleasure, sometimes even peace. intellectually we don’t forget. It’s our mindset, then our habits and our actions that erode day by day creating patterns that ensure we first, “forget” to feel, and then slowly feel nothing. We forget to feel connected, present, conscious, aware and even alive. I had to remind myself that to hold a container for anyone else, I have to do exactly what I have done before, will do again, and will continue to do because that is what it takes to take a stand for yourself despite and inspite of circumstances with no excuses even when all the excuses seem to fall into your lap. Like Brene Brown said “showing up in the arena, in the ring, feet in the mud and all “ . So I’m here, more grateful than ever to be able to show up for myself and others. I’m reminding myself what I teach. Pain is and can be our greatest mentor when we allow it and learn how to let it lead us rather than battle to control it. Today I’m thankful for my pain, my circumstances and every challenge faced. I’m grateful for all that comes, stays and goes. Those are not easy words for me to say but they are said authentically and born from love. Happy thanksgiving. Xo
