Couples Coach 911

04/13/2022

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04/13/2022

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11/27/2021

This quote is good to remember as children grow into those raucous teenage years that can be so provoking. I am reminded of a young adult client I worked with recently. His Mom let her frustrations out in an email to him. She wrote this in a moment of anger and frustration sharing her feelings about his "selfish" behavior and how she sacrificed so much of her youth to care for him as a baby. While it may be understandable to see how these feelings were triggered, it is not a good response. It does not foster the healthy caring adult we desire our children to become. It does not address the behavior it is attacking the person.

As stated before, teen years can be very trying but giving messages such as these are counterproductive to fostering the development of healthy, kind, and empathetic adults. Remember children did not ask to be born. It was totally their parents' decisions and their actions that brought them into this world.

Let me share two simple tools parents can develop to help deal with difficult situations. First, use a counterthought such as the one above. This will slow the automatic negative thoughts racing through your mind. Second, focus on the behavior (the selfish act), not on the person behind it. (the "you statement") .

Interested in learning more about how you can expand your parenting toolbox contact me at [email protected].

11/23/2021

Here is a great family activity.

As Thanksgiving approaches our minds turn to gratitude. It’s a great time to introduce some gratitude activities. A favorite one is the Gratitude Jar. You will need:
• Small pieces of paper
• A mason or similar jar Decorative materials (ex:photos, fake leaves, ribbons)
• Mod Podge or Glue
• Brush to apply Mod Podge or Glue.
1. Decorate the jar in any way you choose.

2. As Thursday approaches, take a moment each day to jot down grateful moments on a piece of paper. You can designate a time maybe at the dinner table or before bed. The slips could be a drawing or a picture also. This allows the very young members of the family to participate. (Let me share a story about a family that were clients of mine. They were an example of a “yours”, “mine” and “ours” family. Every week they would have a family meeting to review what happened, sharing the positive and negative experiences. When a consequence was called for the child would draw a slip from the consequence jar. All of the slips in this jar were written by the children. There was always a chance they picked the slip they had actually had written. They had ownership of the consequences and could not blame Mom or Dad. When the youngest turned three she was allowed to participate in the consequence jar experience. She was so excited to be able to do this and act like her “big” brothers and sisters. She was happy as she start the path to developing self-discipline, accountability, and self-confidence. So try to get those toddlers involved.

3. Place those small pieces of paper in the jar.

4. Then, come Thanksgiving Day, open the jar and read each gratitude moment.

5. You may want to continue this practice through the end of the year. You can have Gratitude ceremonies on Christmas Eve or Day as well as New Year’s Eve, ending the year in gratitude. You may also want to start the year off in gratitude and make a new 2022 Gratitude Jar and have a gratitude reading to read at holiday throughout the year.

10/31/2021

Happy Halloween!

Have a Fun and safe time tonight.

04/12/2020

Happy Easter to all.

Have a great Easter weekend.!

02/22/2018

02/13/2018