05/20/2026
Teachers are some of the hardest working individuals on the planet, and they take all kinds of guff from all sides - students, parents, even administrators. They have to spend a lot of time defending themselves despite being hard working professioals. They deal with parents who expect schools to solve all their kids' problems, kids who disrespect them, and administrators who may or may not support them.
As a result, when a neurodivergent kid comes along with a parent who is really trying to support and help, they sometimes misunderstand the situation and become defensive, schooling the parent on what a problem their child is, attributing very real neurophysiological to moral failures, and creativing a narrative around a child that makes them seem intentionally bad. We've seen very well-meaning parents, who are just trying to help their kids, receive emails where teachers unfavorably compare their kids to other kids in the class, emphasize how much other kids are suffering as a result of their kids in class, and school parents on how to provide consequences, when the parents want nothing more than for the child to learn accountability and become a productive member of the classroom. This happens despite parents providing resoures and informatioin that could mitigate these problems without a whole lot of extra work from the teacher, just a light shift in perspective.
It's understandable why this happens but incredidbly painful for many parents who often dedicate enormous amounts of time, energy, and money into creating a positive experience for their chld and their teachers at school. They want their kids to be well-liked, well-loved members of the community and to contribute to the community. It's heart-breaking to be constantly reminded of how wonderful the other kids are in comparison to their kid or how much they suffer because of their kid. And sometimes a slight tweak in the understanding and attitude of the teachers can make all the difference - if they can start understanding the uniqueness of the profile, they can do a lot to make school a welcoming environment for parents and kids without creating a lot of extra work for themselves. There is a huge need for more education and training in schools about how best to serve these kids.But it takes humility on on the part of the teachers and openness and support from administrators as well as infinite patience on the part of parents.
While there are bad actors in any situation, most parents, teachers, and administrators of gifted/neurodivergent kids want what's best. And the kids really just want to learn and be part of the school experience. They want to have friends, feel like they are effective.
Parents need to become experts in evaluting the needs of their neurodivergent kids and learn processes for communicating these complex profiles to teachers. It's a long arduous process that can feel hopeless at times. But remember parents! Your kids see you working with a system in an honest, educated, courageous, and loving way. They absorb that. And that, more than anything else, will help them to develop their gifts, protect their vulnerabilities, and become compassionate, dedicated, successful individuals who want to make the world a better place.
And the kicker is that if schools invest a little bit of time into understanding the kids who occuupy the extreme end of the spectrum, they will actually make the environment better for all students.
Written by Kristin A. Cotts, LPC
