11/10/2024
HEY YOU, THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT ON GRIEF.
Are you in grief right now? Are you feeling "not okay?" You have permission to be wherever you are. I want to take a moment and share with you what I told a friend, and what I also need to remind within myself.
There's no time limit on grief. No expiration date. Those that worked the hardest to stop the train-wreck are going to need more time. There's some cPTSD there. Your grief may be about something else, but we all have it. It's part of the human condition. Repeat after me, It takes as long as it takes.
You don't have to be graceful through it, thoughtful, or optimistic right now. You get to express what you feel. Nobody heals just by putting a bow over the pain. That, in fact, makes it worse.
In wound care, we look at the wound every day. We clean it and debride it. We keep it moist (fresh) to let it heal properly. We "get to the bottom of it" over and over as the innate wisdom of the body works. We don't dig at the healthy parts. We nurture those as we gently flush out the toxins. But you know what? There's still a great deal of pain involved, every dressing change. It doesn't feel great--for a LONG while.
Eventually, the pain is less and less. But, we don't know when that will be. We just care for the wound day by day, one step at a time. It's also not a linear path to healing. It has its own rhythm and movement. We let the wisdom of the body heal itself, while we take care of fostering the conditions that provide the healthiest environment in which to do that.
We find the experts that can help us. We find the friends that support us. We treat ourselves as best we can, and tell ourselves the same things that our best friend would. We don't yell at ourselves and say, "Why am I not healed yet? I must be different from everyone else. They can, but I can't . I must not have what it takes to heal." No, the wisdom of the body is working within all of us. The body is wise when we choose to listen to it.
That goes for emotional trauma and pain too. We can't intellectualize our way out of it, or at least not for long.
It's not time that heals all wounds, it is caring for the tender spots that have been deeply wounded, and being quiet enough to listen to the body, to know what to do in each one arising moment. We don't have to know the entire road of our healing journey. We need to breathe. We just have to be with ourselves in the step we are in now, and to know another step will arise. It arises when we have been in this step without resisting it--when we've been there long enough, and when it is time. Nobody knows when that is. What I do know is that it takes as long as it takes. ♥️
www.barbaraLyons.net
