Tina Porter

09/25/2023

Yes, this popped up today.
Yes I am reminded constantly from the inside of my body to Google memories that we were a family of four.. that we witnessed Brody taking his last breath.
And you wonder why I make mistakes?
You wonder why I can’t plan things?
Please don’t.
Please don’t tell me you’re disappointed that our plans changed.
Just give me grace for trying my hardest to exist day to day… Please excuse me and love me tenderly and if you can’t, it’s okay just go away from me. Please.
And if you were friends with me before and want to be friends with me now, but didn’t show up for me then… I’m not sure I can. But instead I’ll bow and say, as my Kundalini teacher taught me, “bless you and all that you do”
Blessing on your way.

09/19/2023

09/13/2023

Today I was driving my dark grey Tesla Y, which is my ultimate dream car, and I can’t believe I get to drive it now every day!
And rolled up next to me at the red light was another dark grey Tesla Y.
But this one had a roof rack, ski rack and a bike rack on it.
The driver of that Tesla gestured for me to roll down my window.
he said, “Livin’ the dream?“
We both laughed and I said,
“100% Livin the dream.“
We cracked up.
“nice rack!“ I said
He laughed with his pearly whites, “that’s not something you’re supposed to say!“
I laughed again and said, “in this case it’s OK do you love it?“
“yes I love my rack.”
And with a smile he said, “I have to go, my brother is calling.“
I was in the flow, laughing and he mentioned his brother.. so of course I think of Brody and Griffin. My smile went away.
Then the guy on the other side waved his hand and gestured for me to roll down my passenger window. He was driving a four-wheel-drive something that was up high, “do you two know each other?“ and he gestured to the other Tesla Y driver, “nope!” We laughed- he continued
“ we’ll, your cars do” :)
And the light turned green. I was able to drive away not feeling sad about brothers but happy that in that moment, I was in the flow. Thank you to those to complete strangers who made me smile today at a red light. Encouraging me and those two minutes to alternate between my sun energy and moon energy.. thank you!

07/25/2023

It started with just a two week challenge; to try and teach again. I’ve realized that Teaching livestreams daily has restored my voice & energy and thanks to so many of you, Week 7 started today!
Returning to a consistent schedule of teaching and being able to work through so much with you has been cathartic.
For my sadhana (spiritual practice), I needed a deeper dive.
Swimming in this loss of Brody has been disorienting and my spiritual Self has been lying dormant since 3/8/21.

Today I was initiated into Neelakantha Meditation and will practice for 18 mos under and her teachers. I feel honored and privileged that Jeanie reached out to me.

While I know there’s no “going back” to who I was.. I long for respite from this pain.. I yearn to tap into beauty, peace and to feel somewhat whole again..
in a whole new way.
I will share through my teachings what I can, but the rest is reserved for the inner most sacred cave of my heart…
Sending ❤️ to all of you. May we all find peace.

05/31/2023

Walking around with a smile on my face. Seeing families with two small boys on vacation and my heart breaks over and over. Making new friends from all over the world, chatting about jobs, hobbies and beautiful weather, being invited to happy hours and water aerobics while keeping my ‘story’ brief, avoiding the family inquiries at all cost.
Then it’s the cool down portion of the exercise class and the instructor puts on the Whitney Houston song, I Will Always Love You.. and here it comes. Oh no Tina, everyone is laughing at the dramatics of this song and belting it out and I’m holding holding holding back tears.. I smile like this to my new friends and make my escape.
Escape from the story, I cannot.
Escape from having to share it, I do.
I don my old school earbuds, turn on Whitney and cry in private. I walk for miles thinking about my darling B, and yes- I will always
Love You.

05/23/2023

I'm excited to announce that I’ll be teaching at AWAKE Festival Sep 15-17 in beautiful Evergreen, CO. Several of my teacher friends will be offering classes that I'll be participating in to ground and prepare myself for this ..
Main Stage Sunday morning at 9am.

The super-early bird full weekend pass for $158 (ends 5/28). If you'd like, you can save 10% more with my coupon code: “2023Presenter10”

AWAKE is a weekend-long, wellness gathering offering talks + workshops, classes, live music, conscious dance, kirtan, there's a vendor village, delicious food and camping available on-site.

05/15/2023

In my Mother’s Day card from Jeff, he said that my love for my boys was like a cape that covered them in safety and comfort. That those gestures as a Mom are my superpowers.. the love for my boys.
Gosh.
So ever since Brody died and Griffin moved to Montana State, I haven’t had my boys to love and protect. I mean, of course I love Jeff, but anyone who has kids knows that that love is different.. that that molecular cohesive bond with your child is like organic psychic super glue.. definitely a different bond than with your partner.
And
As of last night, my powers are in full swing and my heart is complete.huber came home in time for Mother’s Day!
Not only did I wrap him in my superhero cape of love and mama safety, but bought me a real liFe love cape from the sweetest gift shop down the street…
So, excuse us as we wrap ourselves up to reunite and reconnect as our new family.

05/05/2023

In February 2021, Brody was sitting on the couch. He asked me to come closer to him and my eyes welled up. He pat the cushion next to him. But instead I kneeled down in front of him holding his knees. His head was heavy and his long, thin body was being absorbed into the couch. “Mom.” He said in a serious voice. “Don’t bury me.”
Oh god.
I asked him what he wanted me to do and he made a magical gesture with his hands..”I want you to sprinkle my ashes on the mountain bike trails.”
I asked him if that required me to actually get on a mountain bike (which I don’t) and he nodded without picking his heavy head up from the couch cushion. Playfully, with a childish, whiny voice I said, “Brody, no! Please don’t make me ride a mountain bike.”
He encouraged it and in his tired state said, “you’re gonna do great.”

Today was the day.
Today was the day.

Oh my B. I did it for you. Your Dad (my coach) showed me your favorite trail, your nemesis climbs and Burms and there, under the Colorado sky, he remembered you singing along those trails.

I’m so proud of you my love.. from a far, so proud.

05/01/2023

Ever since you were teeny I’ve told you this life isn’t about whether you’re a Doctor or a Lawyer- that none of that mattered to me.
That what matters is you being a force of GOOD in this world.
And you are.
So my wish for you has come true.
May you continue to thrive, Griffin. May you eat this life uP with that voracious appetite you have for adventure and solid friendships. I adore you. Thank you for picking me to be your Mom. I’m so proud of who you are ! Happy 19th my boy Xoxoxox

04/13/2023

Yesterday morning I was in the kitchen and suddenly a green plastic pitcher fell from a hook behind me to the floor with a startling clunk. With my hand on my heart, I turned slowly hoping Brody was going to be standing right there.. but he wasn’t. It was just the green pitcher on the floor. I picked it up saying, “is that you? Or is that the wind?” and then kinda shaking my head at the absurdity, I said, reassuringly “it’s ok, it was just the breeze..but.. Brody, is it you? Are you right here?” And then I started to cry. “If you are, I just want to hug you in physical form- please?” And then as if I didn’t want to put pressure on him to perform something he cannot, in my mind I said ‘just please give me a sign that you’re here’ and I stood still momentarily watching for the most subtle gesture, but again not want to pressure him- Then moved on with my day.

My day that went my way. I saw a private client for yoga and meditation, got my nails done, and moved other clients times just so that I could have some Tina. Not even knowing what that would look like, I was in the backyard with my friend and Jeff when they knocked at the door… and showed up- out of nowhere.. And I got to hug two 16 year old boys that were close friends and loved Brody. They stayed long enough for me to drill them with questions about teen school and love lives things that I don’t get to hear anymore, but crave. They kept apologizing for coming unannounced, but I couldn’t tell them enough what an incredible gift it was to be with them. And how perfect that we were home right at that time and didn’t miss that opportunity.
🕶️🎶🌸 thank you B☘️☀️🍭
Then just as they left the house, I received a text from .bbb just a simple one to to say ☘️💕🌸thanks B🕶️🍭💐 and then later in the evening I got another gift.. a text from inviting me to one of her soccer games for 👁️🤩thank you Brody❤️❤️

Are you getting signs like we are? Don’t ignore them! He or someone you love that’s in the spirit world wants to make you pause and smile. Send gratitude 🙏🏽 and Be kind to one another. Thank you my B. Xoxoxoxxoox

03/30/2023

Look! Weeee we’re in the Dead Sea! Slathered in mud, hiking Ein Gedi and lookin like we have no cares in the world. Wouldn’t that be nice. It’d be nice to be normal.
But these holes in our hearts are gaping! But scrolling away..You see a happy couple and that, we are. Happiest together not only because we share a deep love and respect for one another and not because we’ve basically raised each other (we’ve been together for like a million years), but our bond is deep.. nobody else on the planet..nobody can relate to us or understands or even knows what we’ve been through.. not really.
Nor do we want you to. We wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
So we’ll continue to slather mud all over each other, dance and pucker up.. smile!

03/08/2023

It was tonite that we tucked Brody in and said our good nights. I, from in his bed with him. Jeff in the overstuffed chair next to his bed and Griffin had been sleeping in a big chair at the end of B’s bed, but not tonite. At 3am I sat straight up in bed because Brody’s breath was unusually fast. And when i sat up alarmed, Jeff was already awake and watching him saying that he’d been breathing like that since midnight. For the next 3 hours, we went on an epic journey with our son that’s too sacred to share here. But I’ll tell you this, we watched him climb a mountain! There were puppies at his feet, an eagle to his right and a few false summits, but he must’ve been nearing the top when Jeff and I declared we were too exhausted to go on. How could we sleep at a time like this though!? The two of us drifted off into a trance-like sleep as if we’d come into a field of poppies. And as we slept, a friend of ours took her morning walk and took a picture of the sky.
It was Brody’s sky.
He’d made it to the top without us.
He was so strong and determined.
Our boy, we miss you so.

Please, on 3/8/23 do something kind for someone else in honor of our Brody.
Light a candle or eat a skittle. Savor the light, the flavor and this thing we call LIFE.