10/29/2018
I got into the recovery industry almost 10 years ago. I was completely identified with my prison male ego, on steroids and in desperate need of my own healing. Given the opportunity to help others who were more broken than I along their journey propelled me into a state of self introspection. I came to understand that my belief about who I was and my place in the world was developed through my beliefs, my past, my programming. I knew that these beliefs were created by my attention and repetition so I began to reprogram my brain with books like The 4 Agreements, The Power of Now, A Course in Miracles, As a Man Thinketh and many more. This new road has been an uncomfortable one. I dwelled in a place for years where violence is common and human life is not valued. It's what I knew. Learning to disidentify with the mind made me was not easy. Questioning my beliefs when I'd been programmed to try and please my family was not easy. I still struggle. I have nightmares, sudden mood changes, "triggers". I was exposed to the needle in prison. It is definitely not easy to not want to run and hide at times when I know the pain stops immediately upon pushing the plunger down. I have done enough work surrounding my trauma to comprehend my past and present emotions and behaviors. If you understand the trauma it explains the behavior. If you don't you will continue on your merry go round of self defeating behaviors believing you are the piece of s**t your own mind tells you you are. What happened to you growing up may have been tragic. Most "addicts" have traumatic pasts. I was the victim of sexual abuse by 3 different perpetrators. My dad frequently tried to whoop the bad outta me holding me in the air by my leg and lashing me in a fit of rage. These events are horrible. They shape who you believe you are. Being victimized was not your fault however none of that s**t is happening to you now. It is your responsibility and nobody else's to figure out a way to heal yourself. Drugs and alcohol lead nowhere. The movies lie. The richest drug lord on the planet is in a cage right now. Call me and let's begin a journey of compassion, understanding and healing together. Or go get another bag of dope and continue hiding and blaming others for why your life is fu**ed off. The choice is yours. You are a creator. Powerful beyond measure. Namaste.
https://youtu.be/-yZ2BMW77ao
