shut up amygdala

shut up amygdala Research-informed mental health content focused on trauma, attachment, and nervous system regulation. Michigan based Therapist

08/11/2026

This one took me a long time to really understand. Not just intellectually but in my body, in my actual relationships, in the moments where everything in me wanted to jump in and fix something.

Because here's what most of us were never taught. When someone we love is struggling, our job is not to take that struggle away from them. Our job is not to have the right answer, say the right thing, or manage the outcome so everyone feels okay again.

Our job is to let them have their experience. Even when it's painful to watch. Even when we think we know exactly what they should do. Even when their choices are affecting us in ways we didn't ask for.

That is what detachment actually looks like. Not pulling away. Not becoming cold or indifferent. Not giving up on someone you love. But letting their life be theirs. Letting their feelings be theirs. Letting their choices and their consequences belong to them instead of to you.

I spent years believing that loving someone meant absorbing their pain for them. That if I could just find the right way to help, things would finally shift. And what I eventually learned, both in my own recovery and through watching hundreds of my clients do this work, is that trying to change someone else's experience almost never actually helps them. It just exhausts you. And it keeps them from having to face what they need to face themselves.

Detachment is one of the most loving things you can practice. And it starts with understanding that their experience belongs to them, not to you.

If this is something you've been working on, say me too in the comments. And if you want to go deeper, my Beyond Codependency course covers this in detail.
https://www.counselingrecovery.com/store

I couldn’t agree with this more. Therapy can be so much more than understanding why we think, feel, or behave the way we...
08/11/2026

I couldn’t agree with this more. Therapy can be so much more than understanding why we think, feel, or behave the way we do. Insight matters, but deeper change happens when the brain has the opportunity to update what it learned it needed to survive. This is why I’m such a believer in therapy that goes beyond traditional talk therapy and works with the processes underneath the symptoms.

FOR CLINICIANS, this NYT article a 'must-read' IMHO. The Author left out one important piece about the Predictive Processing "model" and it's an important omission for those of us who work with the PP model and trauma 'treatment', both consciously and quite deliberately. One of the key issues to understand about healing trauma is first, that it's there for an extremely important reason - it helped you 'survive' (to protect yourself by developing various elaborate schemas, beliefs, 'complexes' which helped you to live after the experience(s) - the definition of 'trauma' is the wound that remains, not the 'events' themselves).

Predictive processing theory asserts that the brain must have salient 'disconfirming experiences' to upate beliefs, behaviors, emotional responses... the 'stickier' they are, the more disconfirming experiences we will need.
The definition: "Predictive processing is a computational neuroscience theory which proposes that the brain is an active prediction engine that constantly forecasts incoming sensory inputs and updates its internal models only when discrepancies arise. Instead of passively recording the world like a camera, the brain actively constructs perception by comparing what it expects to happen with what actually happens"

Normally PP works below consciousness, adjusting prediction errors/mismatches constantly, directing traffic as it were. Healing trauma symptoms permanently involves one ELEMENTAL process that is fundamental - and much more 'understandable' using the predictive processing model - it involves the process of 'memory reconsolidation' - not part of talk therapy in any direct way. So, you can choose to do this reconsolidation the slowwwww impartial way, (the baroque way), or you can do it the more direct, efficient way, with the necessary preparations, trainings, and 'resources' specific to your individual needs... like training for a marathon, which I'd say, healing often resembles. And, as the article elegantly points out, different people seem to prefer different ways of approaching their suffering (my phrase). This is also an inherently cultural and 'class' preference in many cases, and always has been in the case of psychoanalysis practice and training institutes for the most part since the beginning. I believe this last point about 'preference' may be the key in figuring out what a master therapist co-creates with a client (vs. a 'mechanic' who 'follows the protocols') to achieve results that are far more rich and resonant than any textbook can possible present.

In other words, you can talk for years without deeply and permanently correcting the prediction errors we call 'trauma symptoms' across many domains - and this is your choice (also, its your pocketbook). Only therapy that works directly with memory reconsolidation is working with the key element of the predictive processing model in its optimum sense, (and as Bruce Ecker points out), working more efficiently... at least as efficiently we how we currently apply the model to our work.

Is this "symptom relief" (a termed shunned by so many psychoanalysts, it befits a New Yorker cartoon)? Yes, it most definitely is. No shame there.
Is that important? Yes, very, to almost every human I've asked that question to.

But is it MORE than "symptoms relief" - the psychoanalysts love to ask this question, and rightly so. Well, here's where it "depends on the Therapist" (on their modalities, their own personal psychotherapy, how deep they went with it, and so much more). You can go to a 'mechanic' - and there are many - someone who can help with primarily symptom relief (again, NO shame there), or, you can go to an artist of sorts - a curious, creative Therapist who knows that there can be, and often is, so much more to trauma resolution than merely 'relieving symptoms', someone who understands at a fundamental level that our lives require MEANING to make any sense of our suffering, and our grief - both of which are guaranteed (not optional.) That may take you out of the realm of 'psychotherapy' and into another one that may be more creative, spiritual, enlivening.

It's your choice. And at this point in our history, it matters. Time matters. Economics matter. And those many years of "lost time" devoted to therapy that does absolutely nothing to heal trauma but gives you "insight" into how it all began - those years really do MATTER to peoples lives.

But I won't quibble. It's a good start.
Now lets continue to fill in the blanks for our clients and patients. They deserve NOTHING LESS.

If you want to understand memory reconsolidation - part of predictive processing, perhaps the crucial part that relates to therapy - look at Bruce Ecker's "Unlocking the Emotional Brain Memory Reconsolidation and the Psychotherapy of Transformational Change", recent edition.

** I'M IN CANADA and we did not bow down to META'S demands, so no posting of any type of 'news' on FB. To read this article google the Title URL below and insert into archive.ph

07/11/2026

One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that Saturdays just feel different.

Clients aren’t rushing over from work or trying to squeeze therapy into a lunch break. Even kids tend to have more emotional bandwidth because they haven’t already spent the entire day at school trying to hold it together.

The pace is slower. There’s more space to settle in, process, and just be present. I often find that on Saturdays everyone walks in with a little more left in the tank.

Therapy any time is incredibly valuable, but if your schedule allows, don’t overlook weekend appointments. Sometimes changing when therapy happens changes how much you’re able to bring into the room.

Therapists, have you noticed a difference in weekend sessions?

Clients, if Saturday appointments were available, would you choose one?

06/30/2026

You never have to apologize for feeling here.
This is literally the safest place to cry.
Your emotions aren’t inconveniencing me.

06/30/2026

One of the most meaningful parts of being a therapist is helping people hear themselves.

Clients often start the therapeutic process believing someone else has the key to their life. The truth is, clients are the experts on their own experiences. My role isn’t to tell them who they are or what they should do. It’s to ask the questions, notice the patterns, and create enough safety for their own wisdom to become louder than fear.

06/22/2026

Complex trauma can make peace feel unfamiliar.

Healing from complex trauma entails learning that not every beautiful moment is the calm before the storm.

Crystal Davis, MA LPC



I know what it feels like to lack supportive, quality supervision, and I know the difference it made when I finally foun...
06/22/2026

I know what it feels like to lack supportive, quality supervision, and I know the difference it made when I finally found it!

That experience is one of the reasons I feel drawn to clinical supervision. I want to help future counselors feel prepared, supported, and confident as they develop their skills, navigate complex ethical dilemmas, and find their professional identity.

06/21/2026

Sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn't raising your child—it's meeting the younger version of yourself through them.

When they reach the age you were hurt the most, their emotions can awaken wounds you thought were long buried.

What you struggle to give them may be exactly what was missing for you.

Healing begins when you stop reacting from survival and start responding from the love you once needed yourself.

06/20/2026

Complex trauma can make peace feel unfamiliar.

Healing is learning that not every beautiful moment is the calm before the storm.





06/19/2026

Learning to trust yourself is part of the healing process.

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