08/27/2026
Let's talk about stored trauma.
This is long but I assure you it's worth your time to read.
THE BODY REMEMBERS WHAT THE MIND TRIES TO FORGET.
Today, I learned something about trauma that I thought I already understood.
Years ago, I survived a short but violent relationship. I don't talk about it, have always avoided it. I learned how to become still when I was restrained. I learned not to fight. I learned to disconnect. Eventually I moved forward with my life, and for years I rarely even thought about those experiences.
I thought they were behind me.
Today, during an esophageal manometry test, a tube was placed through my nose and into my stomach. At some point I became extremely distressed and tried to remove it. My arms were restrained to keep me from doing so.
And suddenly, I wasn't completely there anymore.
I saw my ex hovering over me. I felt trapped. I fought. I cried. I kicked. I yelled.
My conscious mind knew I was in a medical setting surrounded by people trying to help me.
But some deeper part of me recognized something else:
I can't move.
Something is around my throat.
Someone is holding me down.
I'm not in control.
And my body responded to that.
Afterward, it left me thinking deeply about trauma.
Sometimes we believe we've healed because we no longer think about what happened. We aren't crying about it. We aren't talking about it. Years may pass.
But forgetting isn't necessarily the same thing as processing.
Sometimes the adaptations we developed to survive become so familiar that we mistake them for personality.
I'm just independent.
I don't like losing control.
I shut down during conflict.
I don't like feeling trapped.
I have trouble speaking up.
That's just who I am.
But sometimes it's worth becoming curious about why.
Today also brought up something more personal and symbolic for me. My medical issues involve my throat, esophagus and digestive system. Over the last few years, I've also experienced situations in my life that have left me feeling silenced, things that have been difficult to swallow and experiences I haven't been able to stomach.
From a spiritual perspective, I can't help but think about the throat chakra and its association with voice, truth and self-expression.
I'm not saying trauma caused my medical conditions. I'm not saying spirituality replaces physiology or medicine.
I'm saying I'm becoming curious about the connections between my experiences, my nervous system, my emotions and my body.
Because healing sometimes begins with curiosity rather than certainty.
What is my body trying to protect me from?
When did I learn this response?
Is this really my personality, or was it once my protection?
What have I survived that I never truly allowed myself to process?
Today reminded me that healing isn't always linear. Something can feel resolved for years until life touches the exact place where an old wound was stored.
And when that happens, maybe it doesn't mean we've gone backward.
Maybe we've finally reached a layer we're ready to see.
As a massage therapist who works with the connection between body, mind and spirit, I spend a great deal of time helping other people listen to their bodies.
Today, mine spoke very loudly.
And I listened.
Even the therapist has her own work to do.
If you've ever had a reaction that seemed much bigger than the situation in front of you, consider becoming curious rather than judging yourself. Sometimes the present moment is touching something much older.
The body and brain can carry reminders long after we've stopped consciously thinking about what happened.
And sometimes awareness is where another chapter of healing begins.
Trauma research recognizes that reminders can provoke bodily reactions and survival responses even when the person isn't initially conscious of the connection.
Research:
Enhanced amygdala and medial prefrontal activation during nonconscious processing of fear in PTSD: an fMRI study
Full study — PubMed Central:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6870569/�
Functional correlates of subliminal stimulation in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: Systematic review and meta-analysis
PubMed:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37236272/�
