Alyssa Mull, PMHNP

10/21/2026

Something I’ve been thinking about recently is frustration tolerance.

It is a broad phrase, but it can shape our actions, relationships, and responses to difficult moments.

Sometimes, it is hard to sit with someone’s painful or uncomfortable emotions because we do not want to feel that discomfort ourselves. We may want to fix the situation, make the feelings go away, change the subject, or become impatient when someone continues to struggle.

I recognize that wanting to fix things is a personal pitfall. With my training as a nurse, I have been taught to assess problems, identify needs, and look for ways to help. That training is valuable, but I also have to remind myself that not every emotional experience needs to be solved. Sometimes, the most helpful thing I can do is remain present, listen, and allow someone to feel what they are feeling.

This is one example of needing to work on frustration tolerance—not necessarily because we are frustrated with the other person, but because we are struggling to tolerate our own discomfort while being present with them.

At times, frustration tolerance becomes more difficult. Situations that would not normally feel upsetting may suddenly seem overwhelming. A simple question can feel like too much, a request for help may lead to a sharper response than intended, or a minor inconvenience may trigger a reaction much bigger than the situation itself.

When this happens, it may not be only about what is happening in front of us. Sometimes, it is a sign that our capacity to respond with patience and flexibility has become reduced.

Over time, loved ones may feel as though they need to walk on eggshells. They may avoid raising concerns or carefully manage their words and actions to prevent a difficult reaction.

That is not the kind of environment most people want to create.

We may not intend to make others feel this way or realize it is happening in the moment. Still, intentions and impact can be different.

The good news: Frustration tolerance can grow.

This is something I am still practicing. Here are a few places I try to begin:

1. Notice my triggers.

I pay attention to when I become impatient or reactive. Does it happen when I am tired, rushed, overwhelmed, interrupted, or feeling out of control? Does it happen when someone else is experiencing emotions I do not know how to sit with?

Recognizing these patterns helps me understand what I may need before I reach my limit.

2. Look beyond the immediate frustration.

I ask myself, “Am I upset only about this situation, or am I already overwhelmed by everything else I am carrying?”

Sometimes a small inconvenience feels unbearable because it is the final demand on an already stretched capacity. Another person’s distress may feel unbearable because I am struggling to tolerate my own discomfort.

3. Pause before responding.

I try to give myself a moment before reacting. I may take a few slow breaths, relax my shoulders, or step away briefly when appropriate. I do not have to respond to every frustration immediately.

Even a few seconds can create space for a different response.

4. Practice making room for discomfort.

Not every inconvenience needs to be resolved right away. I am working on allowing delays, disappointments, unexpected changes, and difficult emotions without reacting immediately.

The goal is not to enjoy frustration or make someone stop feeling what they feel. It is to learn that I can experience discomfort without allowing it to control how I treat someone else.

5. Practice being present with difficult emotions.

When someone I love is struggling, I do not always need to fix the problem or make the feeling disappear. This is a personal pitfall, especially because my nursing training has taught me to look for problems and respond with solutions.

Sometimes, the most supportive response is simply to listen, acknowledge what they are experiencing, and remember that their emotions are not mine to eliminate.

Being present does not mean absorbing someone else’s feelings. It means allowing them to have their experience without immediately trying to escape my own discomfort or make the situation better before they are ready. Boundaries are also important for reducing burnout and stress.

6. Address the stress underneath.

Improving frustration tolerance is not simply a matter of trying harder to be patient. Sometimes I need more sleep, additional support, healthier boundaries, time to recover, or help with ongoing anxiety and stress.

If I ignore those needs, I am more likely to keep reaching my limit.

7. Repair when I get it wrong.

I still have moments when I respond in ways I later regret. When that happens, I am learning to apologize sincerely, acknowledge how my behavior affected someone, and take responsibility without making excuses.

Repair does not erase the moment, but it can help rebuild trust and show the people I love that I am willing to keep growing.

One final thought:

Sometimes, neither we nor the people around us are asking too much. Sometimes, we are carrying too much.

Sometimes, the person we love is not being too emotional. Sometimes, we are having difficulty tolerating the discomfort of being close to someone who is hurting.

Recognizing the difference has helped me better understand myself, respond more thoughtfully to the people I love, and care for my emotional well-being.

I can be under tremendous stress and still be responsible for how I treat others. Both things can be true.

Building frustration tolerance does not mean I will never feel irritated. It means creating more space between what I feel and how I respond, so my emotions do not continually shape the experience of the people around me.

This is not something I have mastered. It is something I continue to notice, practice, repair, and work on.

Sometimes, that work begins with a simple question:

“What is happening within me that is making this feel so difficult right now?”

07/31/2026

I am finding this useful 💪

In this post, you will learn how to get motivated to do stuff that you don't want to do. You’ll learn about the mental block that holds so many people back in

07/07/2026

Summer is supposed to feel carefree.

But for a lot of working parents, it feels like trying to live two lives at once.

We’re expected to work as if it’s a normal week, then somehow become camp counselor, entertainment director, chauffeur, chef, and memory-maker the minute the workday ends.

Meanwhile, everyone else seems to be at the beach, at barbecues, on boats, or staying up late watching fireworks… and we’re calculating how much sleep we’ll get before work tomorrow.

Then there’s the guilt.

The guilt of being tired.
The guilt of saying, “Mom just needs to lie down for a little while.”
The guilt of worrying that your child misses you while you’re simply trying to keep going.

And all of this often happens while quietly carrying financial stress that nobody else can see.

Sometimes I wonder if we’ve made parents believe that every summer has to be magical.

Maybe it doesn’t.

Maybe children don’t need perfection. Maybe they need a parent who loves them deeply, even if that parent is tired. Maybe the popsicle on the porch, the after dinner walk, the card game at the kitchen table, or simply sitting together on the couch counts more than we realize.

If you’re a working parent who feels like you’re barely keeping up this summer, you’re not the only one.

Maybe “enough” doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s highlight reel. And this doesn’t mean I’m not glad for you out there if you are having a blast!

07/02/2026

Shout out for vulnerability:

Embracing your messy, imperfect self creates a safe, judgment-free zone that gives others permission to drop their own facades. When you lead with vulnerability, you actively reduce the pressure to be perfect, fostering deeper, more authentic connections.Psychologists and relationship experts often refer to this as the "Pratfall Effect," where showing small imperfections actually makes people more relatable and approachable rather than less. It signals safety, empathy, and acceptance, allowing those around you to relax and be genuine.

06/22/2026

Surviving heartbreak

Heartbreak is not just emotional—it is biological.
The brain processes social loss in ways that overlap with physical pain networks, including regions like the anterior cingulate cortex, which helps register distress and emotional conflict.

That’s why heartbreak doesn’t feel like a metaphor. It can feel like pressure in the chest, a tightness or swelling in the throat, like exhaustion, like an ache that doesn’t respond to logic. In some cases, the emotional load is so intense that the body itself responds in ways that remind us how deeply mind and body are connected—pain and loss don’t stay abstract; they become physical.

But what I’ve come to understand is this: pain is not only something we endure—it is something that reshapes us.

With time and attention, heartbreak can soften into something else. Not because it disappears, but because it integrates. We don’t go back to who we were before; we become more grounded versions of ourselves. More aware. More able to hold complexity. More human.

For many people, that process also deepens kindness. It changes how we show up for our children, our friends, and even strangers. There is a kind of emotional humility that comes from surviving loss—you recognize suffering more quickly in others, and you stop assuming people are okay just because they look okay. There is a quiet power in these experiences; over time, they can help shape us into better versions of ourselves.

Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible.

Some things that helped me understand and move through it:

* Name what is happening. This is grief, not failure.
* Let the body catch up. Sleep, movement, hydration—basic regulation matters more than it seems.
* Reduce cognitive loops. When your mind replays the story, gently interrupt it with grounding in the present.
* Stay connected. Even if you don’t feel like it, isolation tends to amplify pain.
* Allow meaning to emerge slowly. Don’t force “growth” too early—it comes after acceptance, not during shock.
* Be patient with identity shifts. Heartbreak often rearranges who you thought you were.

Healing doesn’t make you less sensitive. You come to see that pain is part of being human, and that what matters is not whether it happens, but how it is held and transformed over time.

And eventually, without noticing exactly when it happened, the weight lifts—not all at once, but enough that you realize you are still here, you are love, you have love, and you are still whole.

06/07/2026

There is so often a sentiment of feeling not good enough in kids who need therapy. Here is an excerpt from a blog on child psychology that describes well how to treat this tough and common situation. It’s a family issue rather than the child’s issue.

Treatment of Unloved Syndrome

Addressing this syndrome generally involves psychotherapy aimed at reshaping self-image and building trust in relationships. If the client is still a child or adolescent, family-focused interventions can be invaluable. A therapist might encourage parents to learn ways to display love more transparently, whether through supportive words, frequent hugs, or simple quality time together. However, parental involvement is not always possible or beneficial in cases where the adult child has minimal contact or their parents are unwilling to change. In that scenario, individual therapy becomes the primary tool for healing.

Some therapists use psychodynamic approaches to guide the client through past events and emotions, helping them process childhood experiences from an adult perspective. This can reduce the weight of old memories that still dictate current self-esteem. Others opt for cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), where the focus is on identifying and challenging the negative thoughts that drive self-doubt. By examining the triggers and content of self-critical or catastrophic beliefs, patients can learn to adopt more balanced perspectives. Over time, these new thought patterns support healthier emotional reactions and choices. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is another therapeutic modality that can be effective in treating trauma, which is often a core component of the unloved child syndrome. While professional therapy is crucial, individuals can also benefit from self-help techniques. These might include practicing self-compassion, mindfulness, journaling, and engaging in activities that boost self-esteem.

Family therapy sessions can benefit those whose parents are willing to participate. By openly discussing mutual frustrations and insecurities, family members may learn to communicate more effectively. A practitioner might demonstrate practical ways to show affection or respect, including consistent praise for achievements or active listening when the child is upset. Some parents need coaching on how to strike a balance between discipline and compassion. Over time, these efforts can bridge the emotional gap that contributed to the child’s sense of being unloved.

Prognosis and Prevention

When a person enters therapy with an open mind and remains motivated, the outlook is typically positive. It does take time to reshape deep-rooted beliefs about being undeserving of love, especially if those beliefs took hold during a sensitive developmental stage. Many clients gradually learn how to create healthy relationships that are grounded in mutual trust, which can alleviate chronic anxiety and depression. Early intervention in childhood or adolescence makes the best impact, as it interrupts negative thought processes before they solidify into an adult personality.

Preventing this syndrome hinges on the family environment. Parents who make an intentional effort to demonstrate care—through shared activities, sincere compliments, and patient conversations—are less likely to raise children who doubt their worth. Even busy schedules can include genuine bonding moments if parents remain mindful of emotional connection. Allowing a child to express their opinions, validating their experiences, and acknowledging their individuality all foster a sense of security. When children receive consistent reassurance that they matter, they are better equipped to handle life’s challenges without succumbing to the belief that they are unloved or unimportant

06/02/2026

Emotional Regulation Is a Skill, Not a Destination

Many people assume that once they’ve done enough personal work, therapy, or healing, they should no longer feel triggered by difficult situations. In reality, emotional regulation is often a lifelong practice.

Being emotionally triggered doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’ve lost progress. It means you’re human.

Triggers can show up when we feel criticized, rejected, overwhelmed, misunderstood, or reminded of past experiences. Even people who have developed strong coping skills can find themselves reacting emotionally at times.

When you notice yourself becoming triggered, consider these steps:

🔹 Recognize what’s happening.
Notice the physical and emotional signs—racing thoughts, tension, irritability, anxiety, defensiveness, or the urge to withdraw.

🔹 Pause before reacting.
Strong emotions often push us toward immediate action. Giving yourself time can prevent responses you may later regret.

🔹 Name the emotion.
Ask yourself: What am I actually feeling right now? Anger may be masking hurt, fear, disappointment, or shame.

🔹 Get curious.
What about this situation feels so intense? Is it connected only to the present moment, or is it touching on something deeper?

🔹 Use healthy coping strategies.
Take a walk, journal, talk with a trusted person, practice mindfulness, or engage in another activity that helps you regain perspective.

🔹 Respond intentionally.
Once your emotions have settled, decide how you want to address the situation rather than reacting from a place of distress.

Emotional regulation isn’t about never experiencing strong emotions. It’s about learning how to experience them without letting them take control.

Growth often looks less like “I never get triggered anymore” and more like “I recover more quickly and respond more thoughtfully.”

04/29/2026

https://youtu.be/JOs_LvCMpXI?si=k_PIUUkC1kWIU9cW

On my way to drop off my daughter at school today we were listening to her curated station and I heard this song. I was moved by hearing “I’m not giving up yet” in so many different and beautiful voices. It reminded me of the power in the message we tell ourselves.

19K likes, 686 comments. "Life Boat."

04/24/2026

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1DPLFvFsoL/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Breathe with the waves. 🌊
Join us by the lake for a guided breathwork experience supporting nervous system regulation, emotional release, and grounding.
✨ Reserve your spot and return to a place of calm within.
$20 for an hour that can shift how you manage stress and support emotional balance.
Text 586-242-4245 or PM to preregister ASAP.

04/11/2026

Grief and severe depression can make the world feel impossibly heavy, often trapping us in cycles of rumination and emotional pain. But even small, intentional actions—like going for a walk—can begin to shift that pattern. When you choose to move despite the pull to stay still, you’re engaging the mid anterior cingulate cortex—the part of the brain involved in effort, motivation, and persistence.

This kind of effort-based action helps strengthen that system over time. It doesn’t erase grief, but it can build your capacity for willpower and follow-through, making it a little easier to take the next step, and then the next. Each walk becomes more than movement—it’s a quiet way of rebuilding resilience and reminding yourself that even in the heaviest moments, you still have the ability to respond.