Christians in Recovery

09/03/2026

I Was Wrong, But…

My Explanations My explanations, no matter how true they were, were just excuses called by another name. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed. James 5:16 This weekend I made a mistake while umpiring a tournament. Near the end of the game I got one scoring scenario stuck in my head and reported the final score wrong....

My Explanations My explanations, no matter how true they were, were just excuses called by another name. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed. James …

09/03/2026

My explanations, no matter how true they were, were just excuses called by another name.

I Was Wrong, But… - My Explanations

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. James 5:16

This weekend I made a mistake while umpiring a tournament. Near the end of the game I got one scoring scenario stuck in my head and reported the final score wrong. I knew the rule. I was tired, I was coasting a little, and in my mind this was a game that really didn’t matter. I just blew it. A coach challenged the score, the tournament director got involved, and it was corrected. The right team advanced. The situation was resolved, but I wasn’t.
When the tournament director asked me what happened and how I had reported the score, I started defending myself. I told them, “I did exactly what you told me to do.” They shot back, “No, that was an if scenario. That wasn’t the case here.” They were right. I was wrong.

Later I found myself complaining to my partner about it. I said I had been so focused on the tie scenario that even after one team pulled ahead, I still had the tie rule stuck in my head. I said it was only a consolation game anyway. What difference did it make? If it was that important, maybe the tournament director should have been there themselves. I kept spinning on something that had already been corrected. Then my partner said, “It’s my fault too. I was there, and I knew the rule too.” Then he added something that stopped me: “I just owned it and told them I screwed up.” I immediately saw what I had been doing. I had admitted I made a mistake, but I hadn’t really owned it. Every explanation I gave my partner was another way of saying, “I was wrong, but…” Even if what I was saying was true, none of it changed the fact that I made the mistake.

As I thought about why I reacted that way, I realized I was embarrassed. I have been umpiring a long time. I know the rules. I don’t make those kinds of mistakes. At least that is what I told myself. Because apparently, I do. Then I saw it. Pride. Instead of just saying I screwed up, I started explaining why I did it and pointing out what everyone else could have done differently. Before recovery, I would have kept telling anyone who would listen what everyone else could have done differently and never even considered what I could have done differently. Instead, the next day I called the tournament director and apologized. I apologized for challenging them, for the way I behaved, and for deflecting responsibility instead of admitting I screwed up.

I am not pleased with how I behaved, but making one mistake does not have to become another mistake. Once I see my part, I can own it without excuses, make amends where necessary, ask God to help me change and show me how to make it right. Then I can let it go. I don’t need to defend myself. I don’t have to explain why I did it. The most honest thing I can do is simply admit, “I was wrong. I screwed up.” Which I did. Although it may not feel or seem like it…that is the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection
When I take responsibility, do I still try to make myself look better by explaining why I did it?

08/27/2026

Jumping to Conclusions

When Assumption Become Facts I did not know what happened. I just decided I did. The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him. Proverbs 18:17 I have this little cloth that I put over my laptop keyboard before I close it. It keeps the oils and dirt from the keyboard from transferring onto the screen....

When Assumption Become Facts I did not know what happened. I just decided I did. The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him. Proverbs 18:17 I have this …

08/27/2026

I did not know what happened. I just decided I did.

Jumping to Conclusions
When Assumption Become Facts

The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him. Proverbs 18:17

I have this little cloth that I put over my laptop keyboard before I close it. It keeps the oils and dirt from the keyboard from transferring onto the screen. I use my laptop every day to write, so I take especially good care of it, including that little cloth. The other night when I was shutting my laptop down to put it away, I could not find the cloth. I looked everywhere for it but could not find it. I thought for a brief minute that maybe I misplaced it, but immediately I thought, No. I always put my stuff away. So I assumed maybe the cat took it and thought it was a toy. The next morning I still could not find it. I asked my wife if she had seen it and told her I thought the cat took it. She said she hadn’t seen it, but I could have hers. I did not want hers. I wanted mine. And if I am honest, I wanted to complain about the cat taking my cloth. I had convinced myself that was what happened.

At lunchtime, when I was at work, I pulled out my laptop to do some writing. I was sitting at my desk, looked to the right, and there it was. My keyboard cloth was sitting right there in front of me. It had been there the whole time. The cat had not taken it. I had left it at work. I was glad I had found it, but then it started bothering me. Not because the cloth was a big deal. It only cost a couple dollars. What bothered me was how quickly I had made an assumption and blamed my cat. Why did I do that? Why wasn't my first thought that I lost it or misplaced it? Actually, that thought did cross my mind, but I dismissed it immediately because I always take care of my stuff and I always put my important things away. And typically, I do. But this time I didn't. Then I remembered that I was interrupted at lunch the day before. I had to handle a situation right away and I closed my laptop and put it away hastily.

I started thinking about how often I did that before recovery. I made assumptions. I jumped to conclusions. I decided why people did things or what they meant, and I was usually wrong. Apparently I still do it, even after years of recovery. This is where inventory helps. It forces me to look for my part instead of immediately trusting my assumptions. It doesn’t always come from a deep-seated hurt or wound from my past. Sometimes it is real simple. I had decided it could not be me, so I looked somewhere else. I did not know what happened to it. I assumed the cat took it, and then I started reacting to my assumption as if it were true. Recovery gives me another choice. I can stop, find my part, and admit when I simply do not know. That is a huge step for me. Accepting that I do not have all the answers.

And by the way, I came clean. I told my wife I found the cloth at work and I did make amends to my cat.

Reflection
What am I not seeing? What am assuming without really knowing?

08/24/2026

He is God. I am Not

Seeing His Leading Sometimes God’s direction looks like disappointment before I recognize that He is leading me. A man’s mind plans his way , But the Lord directs his steps and establishes them. Proverbs 16:9 Before recovery, I wanted to seek God, but I wanted to do it on my terms. I had been hurt by church leaders and had decided I would have a relationship with God without going to church....

Seeing His Leading Sometimes God’s direction looks like disappointment before I recognize that He is leading me. A man’s mind plans his way [as he journeys through life], But the Lord directs his s…

08/24/2026

Sometimes God’s direction looks like disappointment before I recognize that He is leading me.

He is God. I am Not - Seeing His Leading

A man’s mind plans his way [as he journeys through life], But the Lord directs his steps and establishes them. Proverbs 16:9

Before recovery, I wanted to seek God, but I wanted to do it on my terms. I had been hurt by church leaders and had decided I would have a relationship with God without going to church. I was willing to follow Him as long as He did not lead me back there. When I started recovery, I knew I was supposed to get a sponsor. There was one man, whom I immediately gravitated toward. He talked openly about God, and it was obvious to me that his relationship with Him was real. Here was my guy. He was someone who genuinely knew God without all the church stuff that I was trying to avoid. So, I asked him to sponsor me. He said no. I was hurt and offended. I felt just like I did when I was hurt by those church leaders. But God had something else in mind.

A few days later I showed up for one of my regular meetings only to find out it had been canceled. I desperately needed a meeting. I was lonely and honestly felt like acting out. On the way home, I saw a sign for a new recovery meeting happening that night. There was only one problem. It was at a church. Ugh. I had purposely avoided any recovery meeting held in a church. It hurt too much to even think of walking back into a church. I reluctantly walked in. A man greeted me at the door and asked what brought me there. I said, “Umm... I wanted to come to a recovery meeting.” He smiled and said, “Great. I have been waiting for you.” I could not get those words out of my mind. I listened intently when he shared, and I related to what he said. I came back the next week and asked him to sponsor me. He agreed to be my “temporary sponsor.” He was the first person I ever truly, fully trusted.

Working honestly through the steps with my sponsor, God began healing past hurts and wounds. I was able to let go of the resentments I carried toward church, and eventually I even started attending church again. More importantly, I began to feel free and clean before God again. I was no longer afraid to come before Him and be vulnerable in His presence. I had not felt that kind of freedom with God in a very long time.

I have heard people say many times in recovery that God did for them what they could not do for themselves. Looking back, I can see Him doing that for me. I chose the sponsor who fit my plan, and he said no. The meeting I planned to attend was canceled. The meeting I would never have chosen was at a church, and the man God used to change my life was waiting for me there. What I could not see then was that God had been directing my steps the whole time. I am very grateful for my sponsor. My life is truly better because of the work we have done together. I believe it would never have happened if God had not been doing for me what I could not do for myself. I am deeply thankful to Him for that.

He is God, and I am not.

Reflection
Am I still trying to seek God on my own terms? Where do I see Him moving in my life?

08/21/2026

6-7

Not Whatever I stopped asking God to do what He asked me to do, and I stopped trying to do what only He can do. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13 The other day I heard someone say 6-7 to me. I chuckled to myself. 6-7 has become a popular phrase lately and seems to be everywhere....

Not Whatever I stopped asking God to do what He asked me to do, and I stopped trying to do what only He can do. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him…

08/21/2026

I stopped asking God to do what He asked me to do, and I stopped trying to do what only He can do.

6-7

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13

The other day I heard someone say 6-7 to me. I chuckled to myself. 6-7 has become a popular phrase lately and seems to be everywhere. From what I understand, people often use it to mean something like, either way, one or the other, whatever, it doesn’t really matter. There is even a hand motion that goes along with it that looks like weighing two options back and forth. When I hear 6-7, it means something entirely different to me.

In recovery, I call Steps 6 and 7 the change steps. They are all about change. Step Six says, “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Step Seven says, “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” There is nothing indecisive or ambiguous about that. In fact, Step Six confronts my indecision. Was I really ready to let go of my old ways? I wanted God to change things in my life without me having to change. I wanted relief from consequences. I wanted relationships to get better. I wanted other people to behave differently. I wanted peace, but I was not ready to surrender the attitudes and behaviors that were stealing my peace. I knew my character defects were causing problems in my life. I was tired of the consequences. I even prayed continually for God to change me. But being tired of the consequences, or even wanting God to change me, was not the same thing as me actually being ready and willing to change. I wanted the pain to stop but wasn’t entirely ready to surrender what was causing it.

That is why Step Six matters so much to me. It asks a very direct question: Am I entirely ready? Not, am I tired of the consequences? Not, do I wish things were different? Not, do I know this behavior is unhealthy? Am I ready for God to remove it? I had to ask myself what I was still getting out of those defects. What need was being met? Control made me feel safe. Anger made me feel powerful. Being right helped hide my low self-esteem. People-pleasing made me feel accepted. I hated what these things were doing to my life but was unable to surrender them. It was scary to consider letting them go. What would I do? How would I protect myself? Step Six forced me to stop living in maybe, maybe not, either way, whatever. I had to become entirely willing.

Then came Step Seven. I had to humbly ask God to take away those defects of character, attitudes, and behaviors. I identified them. I admitted what they were costing me. I became willing to let them go. But I also had to let God do in me what I had been unable to do for myself. Asking Him to remove them did not mean God would do my part for me. I still had to do my part. I had to practice different responses, take inventory, make amends, listen when someone pointed out something I did not want to hear, and make different choices when the same situations came around again.

So I have my own meaning for 6-7. Six says, “I am willing.” Seven says, “God, I need Your help.” Neither one leaves room for whatever. Six and Seven call me out of indecision and into surrender. I stop asking God to do what He asked me to do, and I stop trying to do what only He can do.

Reflection
What am I asking God to change in me that I am still unable to let go of?
What need is being met?

08/20/2026

Only Joking

Hidden Motives Just because someone else says they’re fine doesn’t mean there is nothing in me to examine. A man’s conscience is the Lord’s searchlight exposing his hidden motives. Proverbs 20:27 A friend of mine plays in the adult softball league I umpire. We are not especially close, but I would like to become better friends. During a game, there was a play where he was clearly safe and I called him out just to mess with him....

Hidden Motives Just because someone else says they’re fine doesn’t mean there is nothing in me to examine. A man’s conscience is the Lord’s searchlight exposing his hidden motives. Proverbs 20:27 A…

08/20/2026

Just because someone else says they’re fine doesn’t mean there is nothing in me to examine.

Only Joking - Hidden Motives

A man’s conscience is the Lord’s searchlight exposing his hidden motives. Proverbs 20:27

A friend of mine plays in the adult softball league I umpire. We are not especially close, but I would like to become better friends. During a game, there was a play where he was clearly safe and I called him out just to mess with him. I was joking around. Everybody knew I was joking, and I talked to him afterward. We were fine. But driving home after the game, I still felt bad about it. I kept thinking, Why did I do that? I thought about just dismissing it by telling myself I was only joking, but something about it bothered me enough that I knew I needed to dig a little deeper.

As I thought about it, I recognized it as an old behavior. Sarcasm and joking around at somebody else’s expense used to be normal for me. I also realized that the players are always joking with each other, teasing each other, and having fun together. Part of me wanted to be included in that. I wanted to be “one of the guys.” I wanted to be funny. I wanted to be cool. I wanted my friend to like me more. The problem is, I wasn’t one of the players. I was the umpire, and my responsibility was to be professional and make the right call. The answer may simply be that I didn’t think. I relied on old instincts. I wanted connection, and instead of letting friendship develop naturally, I tried to force it.

The next morning I called my friend and apologized. He started laughing. He told me he thought the whole thing was hilarious and that I had nothing to worry about. That reassured me that our relationship was fine, but it did not remove my need to look at my motives. He was fine. I wasn’t.

This is one of the ways working the principles of recovery helps me. Instead of ignoring it when something is bothering me and I feel uneasy, I pause. I take inventory. I ask myself certain questions. What did I do? What was my part? Why did I do it? My honest answers to these questions almost always uncover the solution. Usually, it begins with me admitting to myself when my behavior does not line up with the person I want to be. If I have hurt someone, I make amends. Inventory and amends are not dependent on whether another person is upset with me. They are about me dealing with what is going on inside of me. When I do that, peace and calm replace the uneasiness. I then ask God to help me change and to show me how to avoid repeating that behavior. Sometimes the answers and the solution present themselves right away. Other times, they unfold as I continue to seek God and His will for me.

Working the steps and applying the principles to my life help me to be at peace with God and with myself. I no longer have to strive to be accepted or fit in. When I slip, like I did the other night, I don’t have to beat myself up over it. As I keep looking at myself, I will keep growing and keep becoming the person I truly want to be. That is progress. That is growth. And even though I say it so often that it may sound cliché, I truly mean it: this is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Lord, help me to listen to my conscience when You are trying to speak to me and show me the things I need to change. Amen.