08/21/2026
Sherry Howk who is part of our "Joy of Writing Group" had submitted this beautiful writing about what challenges she had faced with loved ones moving into senior living and a beautiful testimonial at the end for Jennings McCall.
As always, posting, with Sherry's approval.
My Most Valuable Lessons
By Sherry Howk
My husband, Bill, was an only child. When he retired from the Army Air Force Exchange Service, we moved to North Bend, Oregon to be closer to our children. After a year or so, his parents moved to Oregon to be close to their only child and grandchildren.
Wh**ey, his father, was a retired Air Force Colonel, and his mother, Grace, was a master artist and teacher. They had some health problems and missed their only child. They had retired in Air Force Village II in San Antonio, TX. So, it was a big move for them, but as military people, they were used to that.
They bought a home in a 55+ manufactured home park in Coos Bay. We had 9 lovely years with them before Bill passed away. We would go out to lunch before going home to play Mexican Trail with them. We took turns as host each week on Sunday. Bill and his dad would play golf when they could and go fishing.
During that time, we noticed that Wh**ey was beginning to have memory problems and was coming home each day with new dents in his car.
In 2004, Bill was diagnosed with lung cancer and went into treatment. He passed away in 2005. After that, Grace and Wh**ey had no one left in their family. Grace was an only child and Wh**ey’s brother and sister had passed away. I was the only family able to care for them that they had left, so I took care of them until they died.
Wh**ey’s dementia continued to be a concern to the whole family. He was also falling a lot and needed help to get up. I got many calls to drive into town to help him up. The grandkids decided that it was time to have a family intervention. Since Grace was not one of my fans, the kids demanded to take the lead in the conversation.
They had been going for 5 years to free lunches at the independent facility in town with the promise to move in in the future. When the need to move in came, Grace said, “I don’t want to move in that place. There are just OLD people there.” She was 87 at the time.
The meeting went as expected and the decision was made to move them into that facility. At least there would be people there able to help Wh**ey get up. The move went well for a while, but Wh**ey’s condition continued to deteriorate.
During that time, Wh**ey was beginning to be confused about simple things like the phone bill, or the rent invoice. I convinced him to turn the bank accounts over to me with a power of attorney. From that time on, I wrote all the bills and took care of their investments. Grace was not a fan, but she was 80% blind and couldn’t do it herself.
Finally, the doctor said it was time for Wh**ey to have a hip replacement with the usual recouperation time period in a rehab center at the facility. Grace was terrified of being alone at night. So, I moved into Wh**ey’s twin bed to be with her at night. We went every day to see how he was doing and came home with the hope that every tomorrow, he would be coming home.
When he finally DID come home, they asked me to continue to come at night to help him get to the bathroom during the night. I slept on a foam mattress on the floor of their office for a month. Finally, that wasn’t good for my health, and we hired health care assistants to come in at night. Grace liked that enough that we also had to hire daytime care to come in too.
Soon that wasn’t enough. It was time to move into an assisted living facility. That move was made just 2 years after the first move. Things went well for a while. Both Grace and Wh**ey had assistance in bathing, dressing and getting to the dining hall. Grace took advantage of the assistance and Wh**ey continued to deteriorate. The administrator suggested that it was time to move to a memory care facility. That was a difficult move for Grace. She refused to believe that Wh**ey was failing that far. After all, he was 4 years younger than she was. So, after 2 years there, we moved again.
This time, Grace had her own room up the hall from Wh**ey’s. He would roll his wheelchair into her doorway and park there, trapping her in her room where he could see her with adoring eyes. She got really mad about that, so she was moved into another wing of the facility where he couldn’t go unless attended by a caregiver. She had control over when she would allow him into her room. That worked for a while.
Then she decided that she needed full nursing care. She was moved to another facility. This lasted about 9 months. She was a terror at the facility. I would take Wh**ey over to visit with her every other day until she would say, “Come get him. It’s time for him to go home.”
She was an angry little old lady. She couldn’t paint, play golf or tennis, or decide her own living circumstances anymore. She was used to running the show. She made life difficult for everyone including the staff and other residents. They moved her to the end of a hall as far away from the others as they could.
Then she decided that she wanted to go back to the memory care unit. She was told that they would not take her back until she could do certain things, like get herself to the bathroom by herself, help in dressing herself and feeding herself.
Amazingly enough, within a week, she was able to do those things by herself after months of requiring help. She was moved back into the assisted living wing closer to Wh**ey. She lasted 6 weeks there before she passed away at the age of 95.
Wh**ey wanted to keep on going to see her but was told each time that she was gone. It took him 6 weeks for the fact that she was gone to soak in. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered that the grandkids all came to Coos Bay for Thanksgiving. He held out until 2 days after the kids left to close his eyes for the last time. He was 91. He was a pleasure to be with to the end. He was kind, loving and sweet the whole time. His devotion to Grace, even with all her anger, was amazing and inspiring.
Now…. for the lessons I learned from this 6 ½ year time period. I NEVER want my children or caregivers to go through all of that to take care of me. Jennings McCall is a blessing for me. When (and IF) I need memory care, it is just down the hall. When I need assisted living, it is just down the hall. AND when I need final care, it is also just down the hall. I will be familiar with the facility and the kind staff.
I can thank my in-laws for the lessons they taught me as they went through the inevitable changes in life that we will all go through as we live on. Hopefully, I will be able accept those changes with grace, humility and humanity with these precious, hard learned lessons.
Grace & Wh**ey at their 50th Wedding Anniversary
They made it to 69 years!
