Andrew J Heinz Counseling

04/30/2026

When we’re talking about boundaries, we sometimes focus on the other person- what we will or will not tolerate in someone else’s behavior or demeanor– when in fact those are rules or limits or expectations.

A boundary is about me checking in with me to ensure that I am caring for MYSELF in my relationship with YOU.

And why do I need a process of steady check in with myself?
1. Because I get to choose me and care for me and tend to me.
2. Because our relationship is going to hit a very low ceiling of intimacy, connection, depth, and richness if I am a ticking time bomb of resentment and dysregulation.

A healthy boundary is BOTH self-protective (caring for me) AND loving (caring for you and us).

I want you to FEEL your way into your boundaries- rather than having your therapist or a social media post tell you exactly where to put them. Feel your way into your boundary by checking in with your nervous system.

- When your nervous system is regulated, you feel calm, generous, patient and present.
- When your nervous system is dysregulated, you feel anxious, crabby, distracted, and bitter.

Your boundary is the line between regulated and dysregulated.

There are things we can (and should) do to create more capacity in our nervous systems (see: therapy, mindfulness, movement, breath work, journaling, etc).

These practices are good and healing for us period. But they also help us really learn what regulation even feels like so that we are better able to notice when we’ve moved from calm into cranky. In order to feel our way into a workable and healthy boundary we have to be able to feel and attend to our internal cues. We have to get familiar with that contrast.

Here’s to boundaries that help us heal and connect.

04/10/2026

Hey everyone,

I recently updated my website and added new resources to support nervous system regulation.

This includes simple, accessible tools and interactive elements that can be used in real time when experiencing stress, overwhelm, or difficulty settling.

The intention is to provide a practical starting point for those looking to better understand and work with their nervous system.

Feel free to explore and share with anyone who may find it helpful.

Warmly,
Andrew

04/09/2026

Many people who have experienced developmental or complex trauma know what I'm talking about here.

Where at one point you lived in a reality that felt tight, numb, or constricted, where stepping outside the bounds of "acceptable" behavior threatened your connection to the space, or your sense of safety.

Where you learned to please, fawn, be "perfect," follow the rules, stay small, live in cycles of drama, avoid real closeness, chase external validation, or do whatever it is you needed to do to maintain that sense of connection or safety.
Where stepping outside of this norm simply wasn't an option —
you learned to expect a negative response if you advocated for yourself or didn't do what was expected of you.

And when this has been your life for decades, change doesn't happen overnight.
It often doesn't even really make sense at first.
There's a slow awakening to a new reality —
one where you get to slow down and meet new parts of yourself.

Where it's safe to express these parts out loud and you aren't met with defensiveness, avoidance, passive aggression, or collapse.
One where conflict doesn't mean the relationship is over, or you're growth doesn't threaten someone else's personhood.

Where difference can be respected and talked about openly —
it can bring you closer together, and actually strengthen your relationship.

This process takes time. And it is possible.
What once was does not need to also be your future.

I'm doing another in-person workshop on April 18th in the Pearl in Portland.
Please come join us as we breathe, soften, practice presence and engage in joyful conversation and connection with people who really get it.
Regulate + Relate, round two. Let's Go!
https://theeqschool.co/regulate-and-relate

03/23/2026

Depth is powerful… but it’s also expensive.
And too many people want the benefits of you without the responsibility of you.

Your softness.
Your insight.
Your emotional intelligence.
Your creativity.
Your ability to see people.

They admire it. They’re drawn to it.
But admiration is not capacity.

Some people don’t know what to do with depth, so they do what they can do:
They misunderstand it.
They label it.
They reduce it.
They call it “too much,” “manipulative,” “intense,” “complicated.”
Not because you are, but because you spoke a language they haven’t learned.

So before you start offering your layers, ask yourself:

What do I intend to do with this connection?
What am I hoping to build here?
What am I hoping to receive?
Is this person emotionally equipped for the kind of love I carry?

Let your depth be revealed in stages.
Let your intention lead the way.

And if they’re real, they’ll stay consistent enough to meet you there.
The right people won’t punish you for being profound. They’ll approach you with care.

03/23/2026

01/17/2026

12/17/2025

Discernment.
Learning to figure out how to make the best call in the moment.

It's a skill.
It's involves attunement and connection to yourself; being present to your own needs, and aware of what's within your control and what isn't.
And it's not easy. It takes practice, and it takes making mistakes and then reflecting on your lived experiences and how they impacted you, so that you're able to learn from them and apply those learnings to new situations.

Discernment requires self-honesty; being able to own what is yours in a dynamic with another person. To be able to recognize your own limits, your triggers, and to be able to take responsibility when your baggage is at the heart of the conflict you're navigating.

Discernment also requires self-trust. It requires trusting yourself to be able to walk away when you need to, and knowing that you can handle the emotional discomfort that comes from sharing your limits.
It requires listening to your own intuition when something doesn't feel right, or when it feels deeply right and making the call that might not be popular with others.

It takes time, practice, self-attunement, and humility to be willing to improve your discernment; to deepen your self-trust by improving your judgment over time.
It's learning how to be in the present moment; not simply acting out of fear of repeating the past, but learning how to notice what's different this time, too.

Discernment is a practice, and it requires on-going presence and connection to your own heart and body.
Do you trust your ability to discern what's right for you?

If you're interested in improving your connection to self and ability to discern what's right for you, the new cycle of my year long program begins in January, working with Cycle Breakers - those who are working to heal and shift old patterns, and are looking to practice new ways of relating to self & others in a small group of like-minded people. Many people in this year's cohort name this as one of the biggest learnings —
how to stay connected to and trust their own intuition and hearts.
https://theeqschool.co/cycle-breakers

11/04/2025

"Through You"

09/16/2025

This was a prevalent and salient topic in our most recent emotional self-management workshop, and it can be hard to wrap your head around at first, but hear me out.

If you want to get better at emotional self-management, and if you want to get better at feeling & processing your emotions, you have to learn how to shift the focus away from the story about the other person, and onto you and your needs & feelings.

It’s easy to get caught in a state of rumination and spinning out, focusing on how disrespectful or terrible the other person is.
That’ll keep the anger pulsing, the heart pumping, or the tears pouring.
But focusing on *them* doesn’t help *you* process the event or emotion.

Start by attuning to the sensations you’re feeling and allow them to exist. Validate that they are there for a real reason.
Quiet the narrative about the other person/people.
Give yourself space to feel your heart pumping, or to let the tears fall.
Notice and meet your feelings with compassion.
Allow your fear, anger, sadness, anxiety - let it be present in your body. Don’t try to rush it away.
Ask yourself what it is you’re needing? What is the hurt that was triggered in you by this situation?
Is it a lack of safety?
It is wanting to feel seen and heard?
Is it not feeling important?
Is it feeling disconnected?
Is it not feeling safe to be yourself?

Meet that unmet need and that feeling with validation.
The feeling is real. It matters.
Meet it with safety. With self-compassion.

Then, THEN allow yourself to come back to the situation at hand.
It will give you more information for communicating your needs and what’s happening within you, and will help you view the situation from more grounded and less reactive space.

Can you apply this to current world event feelings? Absolutely.

And if you're looking for more support with what to do after - how to separate out what's yours and theirs, and how to communicate more effectively — the Relationship Management Workshop begins Oct 23rd, where we'll learn lots of tools and practices together in small community (max 12 people).
This is the LAST workshop of 2025! It will sell out, so register soon!

https://theeqschool.co/relationship-management-workshop

09/10/2025

Hi everyone!

I’m excited to share that I’ve officially launched some new resources on my website today!

andrewjheinz.com

Somatic Foundations: The Four Pillars for Healing Anxiety & Trauma
- Manual & Workbook (FREE download)

Repair Protocol for Healing Rupture Guide
- $11.00

I’m really encouraged by how these came together and even more resources are on the way soon.

Hope you enjoy - and please share with those you feel may benefit. 🤍

Warmly,
Andrew