Andrew J Heinz Counseling

07/30/2026

07/28/2026

When you didn't grow up in a world with a lot of emotional support
and you find yourself having a big reaction in the modern day,
you might find yourself reaching to justify that reaction.

Looking for ways to validate what you're feeling, to make it logically sound, so that you're allowed to feel this way.
You might explain, look for evidence, build a case, try to make the other person or the situation the problem —
and the goal (and maybe you don't even know this)
is to make it safe and acceptable for you to feel the way that you feel.

But what if you learned how to allow yourself to have big feelings without needing to justify them?
What if you trusted that your own body's response is worth your sacred presence and attunement, even if you can't put your finger on the why just yet?

What if you didn't need to immediately solve it, and you could just be with that tension, that hurt, that defensiveness,
that anxiety, that frustration, that fear,
that dread, that disappointment, that resentment?
What if you let yourself sit with that feeling and met that part of you with gentle compassion?

What then?

What if you simply gave yourself a little hug and said,
"I love you. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

The story might begin to change.
The rumination might start to soften.
You might begin to breathe a little bit easier,
a little deeper.
And, yes, some tears might fall —
and you might begin to feel a little more at home in your body,
and in the present moment.

Maybe the answer will become clearer,
or maybe you'll feel a little more at ease sitting in the unknown in this moment.
Because when you can sit with your own discomfort,
anything becomes possible.

Okay, everyone —
today I am opening the doors to a new EQ School online community.
In this community, the whole EQ School curriculum will be available, as well as weekly opportunities to practice new skills, and to connect with other people who are deeply committed to this work.
If you sign up by August 1st and commit to staying for at least 3 months, I'll send you a free copy of my new book, The Wisdom of Feeling.
I can't wait to meet all of you and discover what we can create together 🫶

https://www.skool.com/the-eq-school-9321/about

07/11/2026

It's understandable to want to know the outcome.
For many, our nervous systems learned to predict to maintain connection (and on a deeper level, to stay alive).

To stay present and open to whatever may come next without bracing, predicting, planning, or controlling is more than uncomfortable — it can feel downright unsafe.

And that's the work.

In part, it's getting to know the parts inside of you that brace and allowing ourselves to begin the slow and gentle process of meeting the pain beneath that tension that has never been safely seen, supported, and integrated.

And in part it's learning to trust that you can hold yourself in the present moment.
To increase your capacity for discomfort by staying present and learning new ways of responding to uncertainty, difficulty, and disappointment.

By learning that asking for help is allowed,
learning how to drop out of the head and into the body,
by practicing letting waves of emotion move through you before making big decisions,

by holding space for many things to be true at once and not needing to rush to a conclusion,
and by trusting that whatever decision you make will yield something valuable, so you're willing to move forward, step by step and day by day.

If this sounds like what you're working toward, I highly recommend checking out my new book, The Wisdom of Feeling. It's available through all major retailers (Amazon is your best bet if you're outside of the US).

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/.../the-wisdom-of.../

Finally, I have a new community project coming out in a few weeks! Get on the waitlist if you're interested in doing EQ work at an affordable rate with amazing, likeminded people who genuinely care about connection, authenticity, and growth.

https://theeqschool.myflodesk.com/wcoxau8aig

04/30/2026

When we’re talking about boundaries, we sometimes focus on the other person- what we will or will not tolerate in someone else’s behavior or demeanor– when in fact those are rules or limits or expectations.

A boundary is about me checking in with me to ensure that I am caring for MYSELF in my relationship with YOU.

And why do I need a process of steady check in with myself?
1. Because I get to choose me and care for me and tend to me.
2. Because our relationship is going to hit a very low ceiling of intimacy, connection, depth, and richness if I am a ticking time bomb of resentment and dysregulation.

A healthy boundary is BOTH self-protective (caring for me) AND loving (caring for you and us).

I want you to FEEL your way into your boundaries- rather than having your therapist or a social media post tell you exactly where to put them. Feel your way into your boundary by checking in with your nervous system.

- When your nervous system is regulated, you feel calm, generous, patient and present.
- When your nervous system is dysregulated, you feel anxious, crabby, distracted, and bitter.

Your boundary is the line between regulated and dysregulated.

There are things we can (and should) do to create more capacity in our nervous systems (see: therapy, mindfulness, movement, breath work, journaling, etc).

These practices are good and healing for us period. But they also help us really learn what regulation even feels like so that we are better able to notice when we’ve moved from calm into cranky. In order to feel our way into a workable and healthy boundary we have to be able to feel and attend to our internal cues. We have to get familiar with that contrast.

Here’s to boundaries that help us heal and connect.

04/10/2026

Hey everyone,

I recently updated my website and added new resources to support nervous system regulation.

This includes simple, accessible tools and interactive elements that can be used in real time when experiencing stress, overwhelm, or difficulty settling.

The intention is to provide a practical starting point for those looking to better understand and work with their nervous system.

Feel free to explore and share with anyone who may find it helpful.

Warmly,
Andrew

04/09/2026

Many people who have experienced developmental or complex trauma know what I'm talking about here.

Where at one point you lived in a reality that felt tight, numb, or constricted, where stepping outside the bounds of "acceptable" behavior threatened your connection to the space, or your sense of safety.

Where you learned to please, fawn, be "perfect," follow the rules, stay small, live in cycles of drama, avoid real closeness, chase external validation, or do whatever it is you needed to do to maintain that sense of connection or safety.
Where stepping outside of this norm simply wasn't an option —
you learned to expect a negative response if you advocated for yourself or didn't do what was expected of you.

And when this has been your life for decades, change doesn't happen overnight.
It often doesn't even really make sense at first.
There's a slow awakening to a new reality —
one where you get to slow down and meet new parts of yourself.

Where it's safe to express these parts out loud and you aren't met with defensiveness, avoidance, passive aggression, or collapse.
One where conflict doesn't mean the relationship is over, or you're growth doesn't threaten someone else's personhood.

Where difference can be respected and talked about openly —
it can bring you closer together, and actually strengthen your relationship.

This process takes time. And it is possible.
What once was does not need to also be your future.

I'm doing another in-person workshop on April 18th in the Pearl in Portland.
Please come join us as we breathe, soften, practice presence and engage in joyful conversation and connection with people who really get it.
Regulate + Relate, round two. Let's Go!
https://theeqschool.co/regulate-and-relate

03/23/2026

Depth is powerful… but it’s also expensive.
And too many people want the benefits of you without the responsibility of you.

Your softness.
Your insight.
Your emotional intelligence.
Your creativity.
Your ability to see people.

They admire it. They’re drawn to it.
But admiration is not capacity.

Some people don’t know what to do with depth, so they do what they can do:
They misunderstand it.
They label it.
They reduce it.
They call it “too much,” “manipulative,” “intense,” “complicated.”
Not because you are, but because you spoke a language they haven’t learned.

So before you start offering your layers, ask yourself:

What do I intend to do with this connection?
What am I hoping to build here?
What am I hoping to receive?
Is this person emotionally equipped for the kind of love I carry?

Let your depth be revealed in stages.
Let your intention lead the way.

And if they’re real, they’ll stay consistent enough to meet you there.
The right people won’t punish you for being profound. They’ll approach you with care.

01/17/2026

12/17/2025

Discernment.
Learning to figure out how to make the best call in the moment.

It's a skill.
It's involves attunement and connection to yourself; being present to your own needs, and aware of what's within your control and what isn't.
And it's not easy. It takes practice, and it takes making mistakes and then reflecting on your lived experiences and how they impacted you, so that you're able to learn from them and apply those learnings to new situations.

Discernment requires self-honesty; being able to own what is yours in a dynamic with another person. To be able to recognize your own limits, your triggers, and to be able to take responsibility when your baggage is at the heart of the conflict you're navigating.

Discernment also requires self-trust. It requires trusting yourself to be able to walk away when you need to, and knowing that you can handle the emotional discomfort that comes from sharing your limits.
It requires listening to your own intuition when something doesn't feel right, or when it feels deeply right and making the call that might not be popular with others.

It takes time, practice, self-attunement, and humility to be willing to improve your discernment; to deepen your self-trust by improving your judgment over time.
It's learning how to be in the present moment; not simply acting out of fear of repeating the past, but learning how to notice what's different this time, too.

Discernment is a practice, and it requires on-going presence and connection to your own heart and body.
Do you trust your ability to discern what's right for you?

If you're interested in improving your connection to self and ability to discern what's right for you, the new cycle of my year long program begins in January, working with Cycle Breakers - those who are working to heal and shift old patterns, and are looking to practice new ways of relating to self & others in a small group of like-minded people. Many people in this year's cohort name this as one of the biggest learnings —
how to stay connected to and trust their own intuition and hearts.
https://theeqschool.co/cycle-breakers