08/17/2026
when the tough girl act wears off and i realise i have never experienced any form of love without abuse in my entire life…
There is always a catch 22 when i snap out of euphoria and back into the corner I visibly see everything from my past.. people who have hurt me. People who lied to me people who promised they’d always be there but soon disappeared like everyone else.. you sit there and pick and pull from my soul wondering if the people pleaser is still giving.. unfortunately I still give way more than I can chew.. is it a curse or is it fate? I guess I’ll find that out when I finally leave this place.
My past is so black and white and you wonder why I’m the way I am now? Guarded with no threat well I hate to be the bear of bad news but there is always a threat lurking in the background waiting for when I finally lay my head down.
I have never been able to rest. Maybe a little break here and there but rest? Nah I have bags under my eyes from the sleepless nights my back is hurting from trauma my brain can’t process my stomach is still in knots from the nights I can’t recall. You question my BPD but never stay long enough to hear the pain the real reason why I am this way.
A 30 year old trapped in a teenage body. A body that remembers even when the brain can not!
I am the way I am because I trusted scary nasty men. Men who only had one thing on their minds things that little old me couldn’t even comprehend at the time. So next time you ask me if I’m fine just remember I am borderline!
