07/08/2026
I let kids cheat at games.
Today it was a ring toss game, and the 6yo solemnly informed me: “I have only one chance…” When the throw missed, it became, “Actually I have two chances.” Then it was, “Well 3+3=6 and I’m 6 so I can do it again.” Later, a ring landed and then rolled on its edge and it was, “That’s lucky and it means I get to try again.”
Kids go through a big “changing the rules to benefit themselves” phase when they’re in that like 6-8ish age range where, for the first time, they can understand all the rules of the game AND understand how to shift the rules to their advantage AND start using social persuasion to try to talk their way into bending those rules! It’s a lot of skills going on in their head at the same time!
When kids play with other kids, there’ll be a lot of negotiating or disagreeing, deciding you have to follow the rules exactly or deciding the rules can be changed, and sometimes getting frustrated, leaving, walking away, petitioning for help to a grownup… In a peer relationship, kids are flexing all kinds of social “muscles” as they figure this out.
With me, they don’t have to do the persuading, negotiating, defending, arguing part. They’ll get plenty of that from other kids.
Their brain thinks ahead into the game, into the future, and figures out how to change the rules in their favor?
Cool executive functioning, kid. Sure, let’s go for it. I love to see it. 😊
(“What do I do when two kids are arguing and petitioning me as the judge and arbiter of the game?”
Remind yourself first: the outcome doesn’t matter. You have no personal investment in if they play the game correctly or if they play some pseudo-version of it. You don’t have to be The One True Ruler of Monopoly.
And then, it’s ambassador time. You’re the ambassador between the two kids. Kid 1 spits out all their thoughts and you translate: “She doesn’t think it’s fair that you get another turn.” Kid 2 retorts all their feelings and you translate: “She feels like the last turn shouldn’t have counted.”
It doesn’t have to be logical. You don’t have to agree. You don’t have to have a stake in it at all. All you have to do is block anything physical [or stop it from getting physical in the first place—you know these kids best] and make sure they know you feel confident in empowering them to do the hard work of social negotiating with other kids. It’s okay if they do it clumsily. It’s okay if they do it immaturely. They are immature. They are not mature. They are children.
And remember that kids under 5 don’t do great with winning/losing games in general, and that we live in a cool era of loads of board games, including cooperative ones!)
[image description: five neon green traffic cones with five multicolored rubber rings, one on each one. End description.]
