05/17/2025
Oh my, this couldnât be more true. Ability level and performance level so often do not match for these children. But, donât underestimate what they can do.
They are often intrinsically motivated (by curiosity, pride, etc.) and not driven by external factors (grades, consequences..). They make great assets to our society, standing true to their own value system, but certainly difficult to teach or parent đ
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If I havenât plugged Dr. Ross Greene enough, these children are a great fit for his strategies. â
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When Neurodivergent Pupils Donât âShow What They Can Doâ in Class
Letâs talk about something Iâve seen over and over againânot just as a parent, but as someone whoâs watched neurodivergent children and young people navigate a world that often misunderstands them.
Some children donât perform on demand. They donât jump through hoops just because someone says âjump.â And it doesnât mean they canât do it. It just means they wonâtâbecause for them, the purpose and the motivation have to make sense.
Take Number 3. When he was in nursery school, his lovely teacher was gently concerned. He wasnât showing much progress with letters and sounds, and he wasnât blending CVC words like the others. But at home? A completely different story. Heâd happily sit with me, reading his books, engaging with joy and curiosity.
I asked him once why he didnât show his teacher what he could do.
His answer?
âBecause I donât need to.â
That was very him. Independent. Self-aware. Deeply connected to his own rhythm, but not necessarily to the structures or motivations others placed around him. He wasnât driven by praise. He wasnât fussed about stickers or rewards. He simply didnât see a reason to perform when it wasnât meaningful to him.
He knew he could do itâand for him, that was enough.
Fast forward many years, and I had a very similar conversation with Number 2, now deep in the A Level trenches. He told me one of his essays didnât score very well. I was a little surprised, but before I could say much, he said:
âItâs fine. I write a really good first essay so they know I can do it, and then I just wait until it matters.â
I raised an eyebrow, of course. But he doubled down:
âWhy waste effort now when I know Iâll be fine when it counts?â
Itâs not lazy. Itâs not careless. Itâs logical. Just not necessarily teacher logic. But it makes sense for him.
And hereâs the point: so many neurodivergent children approach learning differently. Their motivation often doesnât align with external rewards or classroom structures. They may not be invested in proving what they can do just to tick a box. They might know their own capabilities deeply and simply not feel the need to demonstrate them for others.
This can look like disengagement. It can look like defiance. But often, itâs a quiet kind of self-assurance or a unique internal logic that doesnât fit neatly into school systems.
So to the educators and parents reading this:
If a child âisnât showing what they can do,â ask whyâand believe them when they tell you.
Sometimes, itâs not about ability. Itâs about trust, purpose, and being understood on their terms.
We need to remember that performance isnât the only indicator of potential.
