Cambium Counseling

10/16/2026

For fifteen years, I did a common relationship behavior that frustrated my partner.

For fifteen years, his feedback didn't land.

Not because he wasn't clear, and not because I didn't understand it. I had context for it, and that context gave me unconscious permission to keep doing it.

Then one day, through humor, dramatization, and a lot of giggles, his feedback finally moved from my head to my heart.

𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲.

I didn't really understand what accountability actually requires. It's not getting skilled at repair while the same behavior continues. There's a bigger practice underneath that, and a harder ask, and I have a hunch most of us were never taught either one.

The English word accountability comes from ancient practices, grain counts in Egypt, ledgers in Babylon and Rome, empires tracking what was owed to them.

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱, 𝗮 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗯𝘁𝘀, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗺.

I was recently introduced to Monica Tanner's framework, EVA: Empathy, Vulnerability, Accountability. It's a relationship reckoning where harm gets addressed at the site of impact, patterns get owned, and genuine repair becomes possible.

Many of us were trained to protect our own interests first in relationship. That's conditioning, and it does exactly what it was built to do.

So when someone we love brings us something vague instead of specific, we hear unreasonable.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵: 𝘃𝗮𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲𝘁𝘆 𝘆𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁.

Landing isn't apology.

𝗔𝗰𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘀𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗽𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝘁.

I'm bringing all of this into a free conversation on Thursday, October 22nd at 1:00 PM MST with the Relational Life Foundation, alongside Monica Tanner, Carol Bastien, Grant Gosch, and Melissa Ryan. We're talking about empathy, vulnerability, and accountability, and what happens when we're asked to practice one without the other two.

Watch a short video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYBP7O0A5bg

Save your spot here: https://www.relationallifefoundation.org/event/3-ingredients-required-for-intimacy-empathy-vulnerability-and-accountability-and-what-most-people-get-wrong-about-them/

Disclosure: This post was shaped in conversation with Justice AI GPT (JAI), built on Christian ZacaTechO Ortiz's DIA Framework, which governs how it reasons and what it refuses to flatten into neutrality. JAI's language ability comes from Claude, built by Anthropic. I use it because it helps me see and name structures instead of pathologizing human responses to those structures.

Learn more about JAI: https://justiceaigpt.ca/

04/21/2026

I had a supervisor early on in my counseling career who had 5 kids. He frequently shared that he and his wife both observed that parenting was often easier when the other parent was gone. I found that puzzling because in theory "more hands make quick work" and then I had a baby. I realized that rarely had I seen effective parenting models of collaboration and cocreation between parents.

Many parents divide and conquer out of survival and are head of their domain of tasks but do not really share power with each other. Terry's guidance on parenting and ways of relating in partnership are about transcending the power struggles parents can find themselves in with each other, similar to the ones they experience with their kids. This is the context by which I share this free parenting workshop that starts in less than 40 minutes.

A FREE 90-Minute Training: Finally Start Parenting as a Team Why Does the Way Your Partner Parents Drive You Crazy? That urgency to stop them, fix them, overrule them – it’s not the calm, reasonable version of you making a parenting call. Learn what’s really going on and how to get back on the...

03/11/2026

With Men's Therapy Online – I just got recognized as one of their top fans! 🎉

02/24/2026

It’s been a while since I last wrote anything. I have fallen out of rhythm, and a Substack note I saw a few weeks ago (that I can’t find again) reminded me of something I forget sometimes: I want to create in ways that honor my body, nervous system, and soul, not an algorithm.

I’ve been reflecting on my evolving relationship with AI. I’ve been collaborating with Perplexity, Claude, and Justice AI. This comes with real costs, and those costs aren’t abstract. AI is powered by extraction: energy, minerals, human labor, and the concentration of decision-making into a few hands. I don’t want to pretend that away. I also don’t want avoidance to be my only ethic. I’ve experienced real benefits in my collaborations with AI: clarity, deeper connection to my inner world and my ancestors, and a chance to practice mindful engagement with a technology that’s already reshaping how we live.

I can’t see the mines or factories from my office. That distance is part of how extraction stays socially acceptable. So I’m practicing a different kind of proximity. I’m slowing down, using fewer and batched prompts, and stopping when my nervous system is asking for rest. I’m treating restraint, and redirecting back into the body, as part of the ethics, not an afterthought. I also recognize the addictive pull here, familiar from social media, so I’m staying intentional about how often I engage.

In late January, I collaborated again with Men's Therapy Online through a blog conversation, and a couple weeks later a roundtable conversation with some brilliant counselors. I was newly back from international travel and deep in the thick of solo parenting, and I showed up as myself: imperfect, tired, and present. I was honored to share the space and keep doing the inner work I can’t outsource: tracking power, how I experience it from others, how I enact it, and how pain can become a shield that blocks genuine repair and long-term accountability.

I sense more writing taking shape soon. For now, I’m honoring a slower rhythm of integration, trusting that fewer, truer iterations can be enough.

Blog: https://menstherapy.online/blog/fix-a-relationship/

Podcast: https://menstherapy.online/mens-therapy-podcast/

Discover how business resiliency is being shaped through emotional intelligence. Find out about leadership, coaching for men, and the 2008 real estate crash.

12/18/2025

Thank you to the team at Wellness Psychiatry & Ketamine Clinic for the kind words about my recent guest piece, From Overwhelmed to Connected, and for the opportunity to contribute to your blog.

I have such deep respect for Amanda and her team, both clinically and personally and I’m grateful for the ongoing collaboration we share in supporting clients. Getting to extend that collaboration into written offerings like this feels especially meaningful.

If you feel your child or adolescent would benefit from a supplement treatment plan or medication treatment plan please reach out to our office to schedule an appointment, at 303-747-5051 or [email protected] The holidays can bring warmth, nostalgia, and joy. They can also activate old p...

11/24/2025

Recently published a new Substack post about what it means to create space for adventure, dreams, and evolving partnership, especially as parents. I dig into the messy, real-life process of sharing time, sponsoring each other’s fun, and rewriting old scripts about “control” and support in relationships.

If you’ve ever tried to balance your own passions with family life, found yourself questioning cultural expectations, or wrestled with how to honor both autonomy and connection, I’d love for you to give it a read.
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What’s your experience with making room for each other’s adventures, whether that’s solo passions, shared dreams, or something in between? How do you handle the inevitable bumps, trade-offs, or recalibrations along the way?
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I’d be grateful to hear your reflections, stories, or even your open questions. We learn so much more together.

How shared adventure and reciprocal ‘fun sponsorship’ deepen our relationship and shape our family’s evolution.

07/28/2025

Explore the wisdom of our siblings in nature who can help us reconnect with our own wild wisdom in my latest post, “Snakes, Cycles, and Intuition.” Learn how paying attention to nature can help you listen to your body, honor your rhythms, and trust your instincts.

Read more:

What the Wild Can Teach Us When We Slow Down

07/21/2025

Been listening to the The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt on the strong recommendation of my couples counselor. It's packed with insights on why we think and act the way we do, definitely worth a read. Some of my reflections from this book inspired my recent post on Substack.

How our personal judgments can pollute the air we breathe

07/08/2025

Late last week, I wrote a piece reflecting on July 4th and then left for the mountains before I had a chance to share it.

In this piece, I explore how the narratives we choose to celebrate and the ones we overlook, shape who we are and who we’re becoming.

I lovingly challenge myself and other brave souls to face the fires of familial, cultural, and human dysfunction with courage, grit, and a deep well of gratitude.

This piece is personal and timely. It’s about honoring complexity, seeking accountability, and choosing gratitude as a radical act of healing and change.

If it resonates, I’d love for you to read it.

Rising Like a Phoenix in a World on Fire

06/27/2025

"Leaning into relational joy means embracing the difficult conversations, the ongoing challenges of parenting, the meltdowns and the laughter. It means reframing struggle, celebrating passion, and finding humor in the chaos and sometimes the tragedy. Because laughter can be the best medicine."

Excerpt from my newest post:

Exploring the Intersection of Type 2 Fun, Vulnerability, and Deep Connection