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Monday 11am - 6pm Tuesday 11am - 6pm Wednesday 11am - 6pm Thursday 11am - 6pm Friday 11am - 6pm

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Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW - Psychotherapist and Consultant, PO Box 120056, Grand Rapids, MI (2026)

08/03/2026

Jeff’s EMDR Schema Therapy Combo

The Dependence and Incompetence Schema by Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW

The Incompetence and Dependency Schema is one of the eighteen different schemas in Schema Therapy.

As children, individuals who develop this schema were not allowed proper autonomy and often suffered overprotection or a lack of verbal and active self-expression of choice.

As adults, individuals with this schema will ask others to make decisions for them, will keep from taking on new challenges such as learning to drive or will overcompensate by being so self-reliant that they will not seek assistance for many things.

EMDR Therapy can be used to decrease the negative impacts of the traumatic memories of frustration of being kept from choice and self-expression, especially related to the results of childhood social frustrations.

The Incompetence and Dependency Schema is “The belief that one is unable to handle everyday responsibilities in a competent manner without considerable help from others such as taking care of oneself, solving daily problems, exercising good judgment, tackling new tasks and making good decisions. Often this schema presents as helplessness.

Treatment Suggestions for the Dependence and Incompetence Schema

1. List everyday tasks, situations, responsibilities, and decisions for which you depend on other people.

2. List challenges, changes, or phobias that you have avoided because you are afraid of them.

3. Systemically force yourself to tackle everyday tasks and decisions without asking for help. Take on challenges or make changes you have been avoiding. Start with easy tasks first.

4. Decrease the idea that you need constant assistance from others to function.

5. Increase independence by problem solving and making decisions on your own. Take credit for your accomplishments and do not quit if you fail at something.

6. Challenge the view that depending on others is a desirable way to live by listing how this dependency can negatively impact your life.

7. Recognize that excessive dependence on others has a cost of limited self-expression. List ways that limited self-expression could harm your life.

8. Learn relaxation, meditation, or other anxiety-reducing techniques during times of stress that comes with attempts at independence.

9. Confront family members who encourage your dependent behaviors. Also, keep from complaining if your partner or boss refuses to help you enough.

10. Create a list of behaviors that gradually lead to more independence. Complete the list while doing relaxation techniques.

11. Use EMDR to reprocess negative experiences when a parent was overprotective. Also, use EMDR to deal with current day “failures” attempting independence.

Online EMDR Therapy for all Michigan residents. Contact -

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW
http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/
[email protected]
(616) 4431425

Over 10,000 Hours of Clinical Experience using EMDR

07/27/2026

Jeff’s EMDR Schema Therapy Combo

The Pessimism and Worry Schema by Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW

The Pessimism and Worry Schema is a pervasive, lifelong focus on the negative aspects of life such as pain, death, loss, disappointment, conflict, guilt, resentment, unsolved problems, potential mistakes and betrayal while minimizing or neglecting the positive or optimistic aspects of life.

Usually this includes an exaggerated expectation in a wide range of work, financial, or interpersonal situations that things will eventually go seriously wrong, or that aspects of one's life that seem to be going well will ultimately fall apart.

Usually this involves an inordinate fear of making mistakes that might lead to financial collapse, loss, humiliation, or being trapped in a bad situation.

Because potential negative outcomes are exaggerated, these people are frequently characterized by chronic worry, vigilance, complaining, or indecision.

Treatment Suggestions for the Pessimism and Worry Schema

1. Track and list of how infrequently your negative expectations come true.

2. Notice and list how often you have negative or pessimistic thinking. Ask a trusted friend or spouse to help with this list. Then practice looking objectively at your life and notice its positives.

3. As you stop exaggerating the negatives in your life and focus instead on the positives, notice how this change impacts how you feel.

4. If a past negative experience was within your control, problem solve how to correct the problem so it will not happen again.

5. Notice and experience that there is no basis for pessimism about a future event even if you have experienced uncontrollable negative events in the past.

6. Challenge the idea that it is okay to assume a pessimistic perspective about a future event, so you avoid being disappointed. Recognize that if you expect something to go wrong and it does go wrong then you do not necessarily feel better having worried about it. Also, recognize that if you expect something to go right and it goes wrong you do not feel that much worse.

7. Notice that whatever you gain by anticipating negative outcomes does not outweigh the cost-of-living day to day with chronic worry and tension.

8. List the advantages and disadvantages of assuming the worst. Then experiment with both positions, observing how each position impacts how you feel.

9. Have an imaginary dialogue between your negative pessimistic side and your positive optimistic side. Notice the benefits of taking a more positive stance toward life.

10. Watch yourself to see if you engage in unnecessary behaviors designed to prevent mistakes. Decrease those behaviors and notice how it impacts how you feel.

11. Challenge yourself to not complain. Have a friend or trusted spouse agree to confront you if you do complain.

12. Ask directly to get your needs met. Then assess if complaining is an indirect way to attempt to meet your needs.

13. Schedule activities just for fun. While doing these fun things notice that life is not about preventing “bad things” but is about getting “good things”.

14. Use EMDR Therapy to reprocess memories of parents or caregiver’s complaining or indecision. Also, use EMDR Therapy to reprocess life events that were negative and may have led to a pessimistic position.

Online EMDR Therapy for all Michigan residents. Contact -

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW
http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/
[email protected]
(616) 4431425

Over 10,000 Hours of Clinical Experience using EMDR

07/19/2026

Jeff’s EMDR Schema Therapy Combo

The Insufficient Self-Control and Self-Discipline Schema by Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW

Individuals with this schema will tend to give up easily on routine tasks, will avoid employment or accepting responsibility and/or will compensate by becoming overly self-controlled. This schema develops as a result of a lack of discipline, structure and/or developmental expectations for task accomplishment in childhood. Often this schema is found in people with difficulty maintaining attention.

The Insufficient Self-Control and Self-Discipline Schema is “The pervasive difficulty or refusal to exercise sufficient self-control and frustration tolerance to achieve one's personal goals, or to restrain the excessive expression of one's emotions and impulses.”

In its milder form.. “people present with an exaggerated emphasis on discomfort-avoidance such as avoiding pain, conflict, confrontation, responsibility, or overexertion at the expense of personal fulfillment, commitment, or integrity.”

Treatment Suggestions for the Insufficient Self-Control and Self-Discipline Schema

1. Do the “Stop-Think-Act” exercise. Do this by putting a thought between an impulse and the action. Think through the consequences of giving in to the impulse before acting it out.

2. Challenge yourself to have more self-discipline and self-control by actively changing your approach to completing the tasks listed below.

Organizing your time, possessions, and finances.
Performing what seems like a boring task.
Being on time for commitments.
Imposing structure on things in your life that do not have enough structure.
Reasonably tolerating times of frustration.
Restraining emotions and impulses that feel excessive and cause poor behavior.

Begin by completing the tasks that are slightly difficult. Gradually challenge yourself to do these tasks for a longer amount of time. Then gradually increase the amount of time you can spend on the task until you are doing it for as long as you think you should.

3. Learn techniques that help you remain centered and able to control your emotions. Use time-outs, meditation, and relaxation exercises as ways to help you achieve this goal.

4. Make a list of the advantages of better controlling your emotions and structure. Also, make a list of the disadvantages of not being controlled or structured.

5. Use imagery to foresee the successful completion of self-control and organization. List how this imagery makes you feel.

6. Use EMDR Therapy to decrease negative memories of strained task completion leading to negative self-beliefs. Also, use EMDR Therapy to integrate positive self-beliefs into upcoming task expectations. Use the EMDR Performance Protocol for this intervention.

Online EMDR Therapy for all Michigan residents. Contact -

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW
http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/
[email protected]
(616) 4431425

Over 10,000 Hours of Clinical Experience using EMDR

07/12/2026

Jeff’s EMDR Schema Therapy Combo

The Entitlement and Superiority Schema and Treatment Suggestions by Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW

The Entitlement and Superiority Schema develops as a result of a child receiving overindulgent behavior by their parents as well as not receiving appropriate limitations. In some cases this schema is a result of extreme neglect of emotional needs and attention.

Individuals with this schema will bully others to get their own way, will brag about their accomplishments and/or will avoid situations where they might be average. At times these individuals will fight this schema with excessive focus on meeting the needs of others.

When this schema includes The Defectiveness and Mistrust Abuse Schemas, this person often meets some or most of the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The Entitlement and Superiority Schema is – “The belief that one is superior to other people, entitled to special rights and privileges or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction. Often this involves the insistence that one should be able to do or have whatever one wants regardless of what is realistic, what others consider reasonable or the cost to others. Also, this schema shows an exaggerated focus on superiority (e.g., being among the most successful, famous, wealthy) in order to achieve power or control. Sometimes this includes excessive competitiveness toward, or domination of others, asserting one's power, forcing one's point of view, or controlling the behavior of others in line with one's own desires---without empathy or concern for others' needs or feelings.”

Treatment Suggestions for the Entitlement and Superiority Schema

1. Recognize and list the consequences that will occur if you do not change your behavior of entitlement.

2. Develop empathy and concern for others through active listening. Recognize and list the damage and potential damage you might create when misusing power over others.

3. Learn assertive communication through suggested reading. This will help to replace overly aggressive behavior with more assertive responses.

4. Stop selectively focusing on your assets and minimizing your flaws. Develop a more realistically balanced view of yourself by honestly listing your strengths and weaknesses.

5. Follow the same rules as everyone else. Recognize that you do not have special rights.

6. Treat people respectfully and as equals.

7. List past situations in which you behaved in an entitled way and then had negative consequences because of this behavior.

8. Recognize and list times of your parents’ overindulgent behavior towards you in your childhood.

9. Actively discourage yourself from an over-emphasis on status and other superficial evaluations in judging yourself and others.

10. List the excuses you use to avoid accepting limits.

11. Use EMDR Therapy to reprocesses and eliminate the negative feelings and self-perceptions from child abuse and neglect. Focus especially on memories of defectiveness. Also use EMDR Therapy to reprocesses the day to day negative consequences of abusing others as well as the anxiety experienced from having to face consequences.

Online EMDR Therapy for all Michigan residents. Contact -

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW
http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/
[email protected]
(616) 4431425

Over 10,000 Hours of Clinical Experience using EMDR

07/05/2026

Jeff’s EMDR Schema Therapy Combo

The Unrelenting Standards Schema by Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW

The Unrelenting Standards Schema typically develops in response to an individual managing the more primary schemas of Emotional Deprivation and Defectiveness.

People with this schema will try to do tasks perfectly, will procrastinate difficult tasks or will fight the schema by approaching tasks in a reckless way.

The Unrelenting Standards Schema is - The underlying belief that one must strive to meet very high internalized standards of behavior and performance, usually to avoid criticism. Typically this results in feelings of pressure or difficulty slowing down and a hyper criticalness toward oneself and others. This must involve significant impairment in pleasure, relaxation, health, self-esteem, sense of accomplishment, or satisfying relationships.

Unrelenting Standards typically presents as –

1. Perfectionism - inordinate attention to detail, or an underestimate of how good one’s own performance is relative to the norm
2. Rigid Rules and “Shoulds” in many areas of life, including unrealistically high moral, ethical, cultural, or religious precepts or
3. A preoccupation with time and efficiency, so that more can be accomplished.

Treatment Suggestions for the Unrelenting Standards Schema

1. List the areas in which your standards may be unbalanced or unrelenting.

2. View performance on a long spectrum from “poor to perfect” with many gradations in between. Do this instead of using “all-or-nothing” thinking. With each task, actively choose where you want to fall on this spectrum.

3. Do a “cost-benefit analysis” of the unrelenting standards schema. Ask yourself “If I were to do things a little less well, what would be the costs and benefits of this change?” List the results.

4. List the advantages and disadvantages of the unrelenting standards schema. Consider the benefits to your health and happiness if you lowered your standards. Also, list the disadvantages of the unrelenting standards schema and how it is damaging your enjoyment of life and relationship with others.

5. Recognize that imperfection is not a crime and making mistakes may not have the negative consequences you anticipate.

6. Attempt to do less and do tasks less well. Notice that setting lower standards and intentionally doing tasks imperfectly allows you to interact with friends and family for the sake of enjoyment or to enhance the quality of relationships.

7. Notice how these suggested activities and changes impact how you feel.

8. Allow yourself to not feel guilty when you do not try as hard as usual. Recognize that it is acceptable to permit some imperfection.

9. EMDR Therapy can be used to reprocesses childhood memories of emotional deprivation and the developed self-perception of defectiveness or failure that leads to compensatory behavior of Unrelenting Standards.

Online EMDR Therapy for all Michigan residents. Contact -

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW
http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/
[email protected]
(616) 4431425

Over 10,000 Hours of Clinical Experience using EMDR

06/28/2026

Jeff’s EMDR Schema Therapy Combo

Trauma and Creating A New Narrative with The Schema Therapy Exercise by Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW

An individual with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder may revisit past trauma with visual imagery instead of language.

This is known as “flashbacks”.

After a client completes EMDR, the emotional reaction to visual recall of trauma is eliminated and the person can better discuss daily negative experience.

The schema exercise below assists clients in describing their new narrative in response to daily experience.

The Schema Exercise

This (causal event) makes me feel (emotion) and I feel this emotion in (this part of my body).

This event has triggered my (schema) and has caused me to want to do (a fight, flight or freeze coping behavior).

The coping behavior provides for me both (coping behavior advantages and disadvantages.)

Although my schema causes me to inaccurately believe that I am (a negative self-belief), I really am (a rational positive self-belief) as evidenced by (supporting evidence in your life of the positive self-belief).

Although my schema and negative self-belief cause me to do or want to do (the negative coping behavior listed above).

Instead I will use a picture of myself fully believing my realistic positive self-belief to help me to do (a new positive behavior).

Online EMDR Therapy for all Michigan residents. Contact -

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW
http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/
[email protected]
(616) 4431425

Over 10,000 Hours of Clinical Experience using EMDR

06/23/2026

Jeff’s EMDR Schema Therapy Combo

The Emotional Inhibition Schema

The Emotional Inhibition Schema comes as a result of feelings of shame for emotional expression in childhood or the fear that emotional expression will create unpredictable parental reactions.

Adults with The Emotional Deprivation Schema will typically have a very flat affect, will avoid social situations that involve emotion or will attempt to fight the schema by being “the life of the party”.

EMDR can be used to eliminate the feelings of fear and shame that come from parental unpredictability and emotional cut offs.

The Emotional Inhibition Schema is - “The excessive inhibition of spontaneous action, feeling, or communication, usually to avoid disapproval by others, feelings of shame, or losing control of one’s impulses. The most common areas of inhibition involve (a) inhibition of anger & aggression (b) inhibition of positive impulses like joy, affection, sexual excitement and play (c) difficulty expressing vulnerability or communicating freely about one’s feelings and needs or (d) excessive emphasis on rationality while disregarding emotions.”

Treatment Suggestions for the Emotional Inhibition Schema

1. Express both your positive and negative emotions with significant others.

2. Find ways to get reinforcement for expressing your emotions rather than reinforcement for restraining your emotions.

3. List the advantages of being more emotional with others.

4. Find balance on a spectrum of emotional expression rather than seeing self-expression it as an “all-or-nothing” behavior. Make it your goal is to reach a middle position.

5. Recognize and list the positive consequences of expressing your emotions. Notice that you can use your judgment about expressing emotions which then allows you to feel more comfortable and willing to experiment with expression.

6. Also, try to engage in an increasingly higher number of activities for fun.

7. Challenge your negative predictions of what might happen if you are more emotional. Write down both what you predict will happen if you express your emotions and then what happens when you express your emotions. Then compare the predicted results with the actual results.

Online EMDR Therapy for all Michigan residents. Contact -

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW
http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/
[email protected]
(616) 4431425

Over 10,000 Hours of Clinical Experience using EMDR

06/17/2026

Jeff's EMDR Advantage

EMDR is fast...requiring less than 20% of the time spent in traditional therapy.

This leaves the client with more time to enjoy life.
Therapy…It keeps getting better.

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW - http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/

Over 10,000 hours of clinical experience using EMDR

06/16/2026

Jeff’s EMDR Schema Therapy Combo

Identifying the Pros and Cons of Schema Coping Behaviors

Schemas are emotional and cognitive patterns and each person has a set of behaviors that are used to deal with, represent or ignore the schema(s).

These behaviors are called “coping responses”.

Coping responses generally fall into the categories of avoiding, surrendering, or overcompensating for the schema.

One can think about and then list these coping responses then evaluate the pros and cons.

It is important to recognize that these behaviors may have been adaptive as a child and as an adult might help to decrease emotional reactivity.

However, the behavior generally does not create effective solutions for adult problems.

This recognition allows the individual to look at the realist costs of coping behaviors and decide to act differently.

Online EMDR Therapy for all Michigan residents. Contact -

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW
http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/
[email protected]
(616) 4431425

Over 10,000 Hours of Clinical Experience using EMDR

06/12/2026

Jeff’s EMDR Therapist Tip

Clients will often resist letting go of undue responsibility for a traumatic event.

This relates to what Colin Ross MD called “The Locus of Control Shift” which describes an individual’s reluctance to let go of trauma responsibility since it provides a sense of having control over an uncontrollable situation.

To deal with resistance during the Cognitive Interweave part of the EMDR Protocol ask-

“When you got up that morning did you want this trauma to happen?”

Or

“Who else besides you is responsible for this event?”

Or

“Is it reasonable to consider that someone else is responsible for this event.”

Or

“Is it reasonable to consider that no one is responsible for this event?”

It is helpful to ask the questions in the order provided.

Notice that the demand for external blame is less with each question thus making resistance less likely.

Online EMDR Therapy for all Michigan residents. Contact -
Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW
http://www.jeffdwarshuis.com/
[email protected]
(616) 4431425

Over 10,000 Hours of Clinical Experience using EMDR

Jeff Dwarshuis LMSW ACSW - Psychotherapist and Consultant

08/03/2026

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Monday	11am - 6pm
Tuesday	11am - 6pm
Wednesday	11am - 6pm
Thursday	11am - 6pm
Friday	11am - 6pm