07/30/2024
**Long Catch Up/Update Post Alert**
I was diagnosed with ADD when I was about 9 (waaaay back in the 90's) when the understanding of ADD was "an abnormal defect of moral control in children". Not shaming at all.....
I have some memory of being given Ritalin for a very short time and being taken off of it. My parents never talked about it again, so I grew up thinking I didn't ACTUALLY have ADD or that I had grown out of it. (And no, you actually don't "grow out of ADD" you just get really good at hiding it from yourself and others).
Fast forward 30 years to my life basically falling apart. I can't go into what has transpired over the last 9 months, but trust me, it's been horrible. As a result, the ways that I managed my eating disorder (BED/Orthorexia) fell apart. (Fun fact- did you know that ED's are often a secondary disorder?? Usually a neurodivergent "disorder" such as ADHD, Autism or OCD are the primary disorder and open the door to EDs)
Even with all of my tools that I have learned and practiced over the last 6 years, I was unable to cope in "healthy" ways. I finally sought out help for the first time for my ED which started when I was about 8 years old.
I now have an actual team of professionals ranging from an ED therapist, ED dietitian and a PMHNP along with my Brainspotting therapist in an attempt to find more healing and better management of my ED.(It's awful, btw). Both my therapist and PMHNP agreed that though I have learned to cope and manage my symptoms, the ADD (now just called ADHD) indeed never went away but has been the unseen force behind some of my deepest struggles.
This has ROCKED my world. It explains so much! I have lived with a constant story that I just wasn't trying hard enough or wasn't good enough (a VERY common story for women especially). Understanding that my struggles are not a "abnormal defect of moral control" or failure, but rather the way my sweet brain is wired, has opened a door to deeper compassion and kindness for myself and others. I am excited to learn more about ADHD and how I can work WITH it instead of against it.
Why am I sharing all this personal stuff, especially on social media? Because I LOVE when people are vulnerable and share struggles, triumphs and . I deeply value sharing as a way to connect and to raise awareness around topics that can be harder to talk about- confidence, therapy, trauma, healing, eating disorders and now ADHD. That's why I spent years doing the Captivatingly Confident podcast- to have conversations around what it looks like to be YOU bravely in a world where that feels scary as hell.
I love talking about mental health and personal growth (which is also why it's my job, lol). I love when people have moments like I am having- when a lightbulb gets turned on and there is clarity and perspective. It's my JAM!
I have taken a 4 month hiatus from social media and feel ready to slowly enter back into the flow and open up opportunities for connection and conversation around what "wellness" can really look like. If you're looking for a place to join in, you can join my Facebook Group, Captivatingly Confident Community. I would love to have you
