08/10/2026
"Why is my child refusing EVERYTHING?”
Get dressed? No.
Brush your teeth? No.
Time to leave? No.
Homework? No.
Come to dinner? No.
When the resistance happens over and over, it’s easy to assume:
They’re being defiant.
They’re trying to control me.
They know exactly what they’re doing.
But what if we slowed down before assuming we know why?
Children and teens can struggle to follow directions for many different reasons.
They may be:
• anxious or overwhelmed
• struggling with transitions
• experiencing sensory overload
• having difficulty with executive functioning (skill, not will)
• struggling with flexibility or unexpected changes
• avoiding something that feels difficult, frustrating, or uncertain
• seeking more autonomy or a sense of control
And sometimes, what looks like defiance may actually be a child communicating:
“This feels harder than you realize.”
Understanding what's underneath the behavior doesn't mean we relinquish our power as parents.
Permissiveness isn't the goal.
Instead, we recognize that the power is ours to share.
We can hold the boundary AND invite our child into the process.
We can maintain the expectation AND offer meaningful choices.
We can be the parent without needing to win the power struggle.
And when we don't feel the need to prove who is in control, we have more freedom to lean in rather than pull away—
to get curious.
To seek understanding.
To wonder what might be making this so hard.
Because when we understand what is underneath the behavior, we have a much better chance of helping a child build the skills they actually need.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do with our power is share it.
This week, we're taking a closer look at persistent demand avoidance—what it can look like, what may be driving it, and what parents can do differently.
So before we ask, "How do I make them comply?”
let's pause and ask, “What is making this so hard?”
