06/12/2026
Yes when I work with my couples I tell them it isn't about the dishes. True Vine Counseling Services
Most couples aren’t fighting about the issue on the surface.
Underneath the arguments, silence, criticism, or distance is usually a deeper attachment need.
One partner may pursue connection because they fear disconnection.
The other may withdraw because they fear criticism, conflict, or failure.
Neither person is the problem—the cycle is.
When couples learn to recognize this pattern, they can stop blaming each other and start creating the safety needed for real connection.
💙 In EFT, we help couples move from reacting to understanding, and from disconnection to secure attachment.