Dane Snyder LCPC, CADC

03/27/2026

In short (although complex,) this is the problem……Incredibly articulated and explained!

A second Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Adam Lane Smith, a relationship coach.Here's Adam's website with all of his social media links: http...

03/05/2026

DKS Counseling LLC has moved office locations! Our new address is 5400 Prairie Stone Parkway #169 in Hoffman Estates, IL. Just a few exits west off of I-90 from our previous location.

05/21/2025

09/19/2024

One of THE best videos/interview on trauma that you’ll ever come across!

✅ Sign up to receive updates on the "Beyond Bereavement" Course availability: https://my.medcircle.com/3AhfLNYIs therapy the only way you can heal from traum...

07/13/2024

As childhood trauma survivors, we project our parents onto others - especially our partners.⁠
⁠
In my trauma work, the primary recovery focus is on intimacy, and intimacy with the self needs to come first. When not integrated, we often try to get others to be our missing parent.⁠
⠀⁠
Often, a survivor will struggle with feeling that it is their partner's job to own all the upset AND help them self-regulate. (comfort and soothe)⠀⁠
⠀⁠
Wounded inner children will look to our partners to be omnipotent and responsible for upset (projection). ⠀⁠
⠀⁠
This type of wounded child is very young and now demands the comforting and soothing that was denied to them. Given what happened to us, it makes sense why that demanding energy exists. Our inner child sees a safer caregiver who "should know better." ⠀⁠
⠀⁠
That's the projection. "They should know better."⁠
⁠
Our parents should have known better about caring for a child.⁠
⠀⁠
When I see couples stuck in this, I'll stop the circular conversation/fight and then do a trauma intimacy tool developed by my mentor Amanda Curtin LICSW - the "123 exercise," which consists of⁠
⠀⁠
1) We talk about the trigger coming from childhood and talk about specific examples (being let down)⁠
⠀⁠
2) We talk about how the partner is different (like that they come to couples when abusive parents often won't/don't)⁠
⠀⁠
3) We work out the present upset with the projection out of the way. (Find new ways to manage the present upset/bump)⁠
⠀⁠
When we can't fully see our partners for who they are, we demand atonement for wounds our parents caused, even if the partner's behavior/contribution is off or terrible. It's mostly about our trauma.⁠
⁠
Also, we may have difficult choices if the partner refuses to look at their off behavior. But this is where it gets confusing, right? Is it their behavior or your trauma? Either way, if the partner is abusive or we are demanding atonement, none of it works. ⠀⁠
⁠
Most of my recovery was about protecting others close to me by reparenting my wounded inner child and developing that relationship first.⁠
⁠

07/12/2024

DKS Counseling LLC is thrilled to announce the latest addition to our team, Mike King LPC! He is now accepting new clients- Mike has over 25 years of experience in the counseling field, and brings a wealth of knowledge, wisdom, clinical expertise, and personal experience to his work with his clients. We are beyond excited to welcome Mike aboard, and are lucky to have him. Please read below to learn more about Mike and how to get in touch with him-

Michael King, Licensed Professional Counselor, Inverness, IL, 60067, (708) 726-4884, Are you ready to heal and grow? Are you willing to put in the work? I will support and counsel you along your path. Counseling sessions with me are your time to talk, to let out frustrations, to explore new strategi...

06/12/2024

Something I've noticed since my MSW program ten years ago. ⠀
⠀
Whether I was working in community mental health or inpatient psychiatry or an outpatient clinic, in all assessments there would be this technical clinical jargon to describe the client. ⠀
⠀
If you go look up what a mental status exam is, you'll see what I mean. ⠀
⠀
Are these words on the left helpful? Yes, they are very helpful. They describe something going on in the person's present. But in my experience in mental health, it stops there. ⠀
⠀
"There...we fixed it. You're dysthymic and probably need meds. You're all set."⠀
⠀
Why is the person given that diagnosis - dysthymia? ⠀
⠀
Why? ⠀
⠀
What got them there? ⠀
⠀
What life events have they gone through? It's not just genetic. ⠀
⠀
Our stories matter more than the terms. The story also points the way out and how to recover by looking at what the person didn't get. ⠀
⠀
What emotional impact do you feel when you read the text on the right compared to the left?⠀
⠀

05/28/2024

Excerpt from This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #495 | Trauma Expert Tim FletcherFull Episode: https://youtu.be/K60u6ObDsrI?si=0CwdXvfM1LReM-j9Find Theo Von:Websi...

05/07/2024